Title: Hi

Author: bwpbard

Email: bwpbard@hotmail.com

Author's Note: A short (and that's unusual for me) story in three parts about . okay. you have to read it to find out, but it's set in the realm of BTVS.

I have to warn you. I'm Danish, not English, so there can be some grammar mistakes and wrong use of words in there.

Pairing: W/K

Rating: No sex (mentioned, but not performed) and no violence.. Maybe a bit angsty.

Disclaimer: Don't own any of them.. sniff..

Hope you'll enjoy it and please tell me if you do... or don't.


1.

"Hi.." The slayer in training sat down cross-legged in front of the grave.  "Hi," she repeated hesitantly and stopped herself from continuing with a cheerful 'how are you?' That was WAY too morbid, even with the wicked sense of humor she usually used in circumstances that made her nervous. And now she was really REALLY nervous.. She looked at the name on the grave and cleared her throat.

"I..I'm Kennedy, but I suppose you know who I am?" she began, "You're probably watching over them. especially Willow. I would if I were you." She stared at her hands for a moment. "But I'm not. not you, I mean."

She grinned humorously. "Sorry, I'm not used to being so pathetic. Normally I'm the easy-going-gal who likes to dance and have fun, my friends even say I'm too flirty and too cocky for my own good, that is when I'm not in training to be a slayer, then I at least TRY to keep the flirting down to a minimum! I think it's expected for a slayer to be...." A mirthful smile lightened her expression for a moment.

"Anyway, I was attracted to her from the start. Gorgeous green eyes, cute like hell and smart like a library full of books. I sensed a person worth knowing and I wanted some flirty fun to take some of the seriousness out of the mess we were in the middle of.  I never meant to fall in love." She blushed slightly.

"Ups, I really don't know if you want to hear this or not, but I suppose you can close your ears on me if you want to. I won't hold a grudge if you do. It must be a nightmare not being able to be here with her. I really hope you know that she misses you like crazy."

Kennedy reached out and let her fingers touch the letters T and A on the gravestone. "They all miss you. I can feel it in the way they talk about you, how they praise you. Dawn especially. When I was trying to understand Willow better I grilled Dawn about you. And I found out that you're a really tough act to follow; beautiful, kind, warmhearted and loving, skilled in so many ways, a Wiccan without a dark side, pure like an angel. Those a just few of the words they all use about you. quite intimidating, you know.. Even if perhaps Dawn is not the most objective person to ask. And she really called you an angel..."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Willow loved you, she'll always love you, I know that and I don't mind, not really. I know you were the real thing, the love of a lifetime and all that."

She grinned with self-irony. "Soulmates, always meant to be and all that crap you hear all the time on Xena. Did you and Willow watch that show? I did back home, dreamt about meeting my own Gabrielle. And now I have, only one small dint in that fantasy, she belongs heart and soul to another. Gabrielle never did that. Lucky, lucky Xena!"

Kennedy paused and shook her head. "I really think I got to her from the beginning, making her feel uncomfortable without her knowing why. I guessed right away that she was gay and I used my whole 'charm-routine' on her, staring into her eyes, making her blush and finally tricked my way into her bed. Yeah, you could say I was kind of pushy. Always am...."

She snorted. "Of course she ended up sleeping on the floor, but my ideas were not heading in THAT direction when I planned it." A short look at the gravestone. "I know, I know. she was scared and confused, I get that know, but I didn't know much about her. or you at that time. I wish I had. I probably would have kept my hormones in and my heart protected."

Raindrops began to fall, but Kennedy didn't seem to notice. "I've never been a quitter, so I kept on trying. And finally I kissed her and the she turned into the bastard that killed you. Yeah, weird things happens in Sunnydale... A long story made short: I helped her beat it and we kissed some more."

Strong shoulders visibly slumped. "And we haven't progressed much since then. We kiss now and then, but I can feel she's not all there. We talk a lot about magic, slaying and stuff, about our parents that are more alike than I ever thought possible, and we're good at that, but she pulls away when I want to talk about us, about moving 'things' further, deepening this 'thing' between us. And she almost always refuses to talk about you. To me, anyway. "

She got up and moved closer to the stone belonging to Tara Maclay, the one Willow loved even beyond death. "I think I have to let her go. I don't want to, but I don't think she's ready, or maybe I'm. " she swallowed the lump of sadness in her throat, "I'm not the one. to help.. help her heal. She feels that loving someone would somehow diminish what she feels for you, or maybe she feels that I'm. I'm the wrong someone.."

The rain stopped as sudden as it had begun and the sun fought is way back through the clouds. Kennedy didn't notice. "I'm usually not like this, Tara," she paused when she realized she had used the name for the first time, "I'm usually more confident more. I don't know. just more in control. I'm not usually this whiny either. I hope you know that, but this is difficult stuff to deal with, more than dealing with parents who don't give a shit or even more difficult than becoming a slayer ever was. I can kick ass, but this.."

She rubbed her eyes furiously. "Enough! The only way I can make her happy is finding a way to get you back. Maybe I should give that some consideration. I think I would even like you in real life. You're nice to look at, I've seen the picture in the living room, and if you got the same cute thing going that Willow has, I'm probably a goner, before I even see that half-smile you wear on it.

The warmth from the sun made the tears stop and she felt a lot calmer. A slight dizziness overwhelmed her and she stumbled a little, steadying herself against the gravestone. For a minute she stood there with her eyes closed, focusing on breath and heartbeat, her eyes remained closed when she nodded at the gravestone and placed herself on the ground again, ignoring the wet grass against her leather-clad back. Thoughts of Willow and their short time together entered her mind.

How flustered Willow had looked the first time Kennedy had flirted, the gorgeous green eyes growing wider and rounder in shock. That cute blush.. And a hint of longing... and sorrow....

Their little talks during the day, and during the nights, too, when Kennedy started sleeping on Willow's bed. The flirting. and yes, sometimes when Willow was caught unguarded she flirted back in that wonderful cute way of hers. until she realized what she was doing and retreated guiltily.

And when Willow smiled at her she got weak in the knees and wet a few inches higher. Willow had a brilliant smile that she didn't use nearly enough. And a quirky sense of humor that made Kennedy smile every time it came out to play, and of course the adorable babbling that according to Dawn had been much worse before Tara's death, before the whole stroll-on-the-evil-side-thingy.

She even loved 'serious Willow', sort of second in command in the slayer's household, a knowledgeable demon-fighter and, again according to Dawn, an extremely powerful witch or Wiccan or whatever she was. Kennedy had seen Willow doing some witchy stuff and was awed by it, but she knew that there was much more to her than that. And of course she heard about Willow's grief-rampage. Warren. Almost ending the world. She was indeed a very complex woman.

And Kennedy wanted to know it all; the good AND the bad.

And Willow-kisses were a whole wonderful chapter by themselves.. She had gotten a few since they began "dating" and they had left her wanting more. Much, much more..

And she could just fantasize about how the rest of Willow would feel, naked, flushed with anticipation and on the brink of bursting with desire. Tasting every inch of that body and feel Willow return the favor. She shuddered and forced that thought down immediately.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to the gravestone. "No more projecting those kind of images in front of you. Really sorry about that."

Her body jerked, suddenly full of adrenaline. Willow, she had to see Willow. She got up on her feet and stretched her short, muscular body like she did after a long sleep.

"Thank you for listening, Tara, you're just as good at it as they all say you were. Thank you."

For a short moment it actually felt like the wind and the sun were to soft lips kissing her cheek in goodbye. And when she left the cemetery she felt much lighter, more hopeful.

She was ready to fight for love.


2.

Authors Note: Warning... Could contain some spoilers for season 7. I haven't season 7 yet, but I have read transcripts and spoilers and sometimes I forget what is what.

~~~~~

"Hi, baby.." Willow lovingly touched the name on the gravestone, caressed every letter lovingly like they were parts of her deceased lovers body. "I'm so confused, Tara. I really need to talk to you. I really wish I could talk to you. But of course I wouldn't need to talk about 'this' if you were here with me, then there really wouldn't have been a 'this' to talk about. I would never even consider a 'this' with another woman if you were in this world, you know that, don't you baby? Even when we weren't... together...when you left, I wouldn't have done something like 'this'. No 'this' at all!"

She visited Tara's grave 3 or 4 times a week, sometimes everyday when the feeling of loss and grief overwhelmed her and she desperately needed to feel connected with the soul she never thought she had to be without. And since meeting Kennedy the visits had intensified and Willow, filled with confusion and guilt, begged her lover to understand her weakness, that she had given in to the temptation of a tiny, dark-eyes potential slayer....

Dating hadn't been something she had thought she would do ever again. The grief was to stark, to devastating, and Tara was everything she could ever want in a woman and she didn't want to sully the memory, erase even the slightest part of their time together and replace the love or the lovemaking with someone else.

Still she kissed Kennedy. Or rather she had let Kennedy kiss her. More than once. And even if Willow refused to acknowledge it, the younger woman was a wonderful kisser, warm and compassionate. And cute..

"I really care for her, Tara, I really do. She's cool, she's funny, she's interesting, she's beauti... not that I. she's not you. she's not." She paused in pain before she forced herself to continue.

"Yesterday Buffy asked me about it. She sounded nervous and she obviously thinks we're dating. 'Are you?' she asked. 'No, no! What makes you say that?' was my nervous reaction. I nearly tore poor Buffy's head out of its socket." Willow giggled for a moment, remembering her friend's bewildered look.

"Kennedy came in during my tirade. I don't know if she heard anything, but the pain in her eyes indicated... Maybe it was something else, maybe I saw something that wasn't there. Out of the blue I began telling Buffy about. of all things. Tara's collection of crystals. I know I confused her immensely and I know she worries even more now. And Kennedy... How long are she going to settle for 'withdraw-at-every-chance Willow', some hesitant kissed and reluctant handholding? She'll stop trying and then.... I don't want her to stop trying...."

Shocked Willow stared at the gravestone. "S..sorry, baby, I shouldn't have said that... I shouldn't... I don't want you to think... I love you... no one is ever going to... oh God...." Sobs shook her skinny frame and she fell in front of the stone with her lovers name, hugged it like it was Tara herself and cried a river of tears on it's surface.

She longed so much for Tara's arms around her that she actually thought she felt a faint hug, a touch of Tara's scent, comforting her and it made her cry even harder.

When she finally let go of the gravestone, Willow was exhausted from crying. Now sitting in front of it curled up like a child after a nightmare, she tried to get herself back on track.

"You always hated when I cry, " she said hoarsely. "You did everything in your power to make me feel better, often a kiss was enough, when it wasn't." she blushed. "I'm SO not going to talk about this HERE." A blush covered her pale cheeks.

"Do you remember some of the wonderful stories you told me when Buffy died? In the beginning I refused to laugh, refused to feel alive and remember life with her. You made me understand that Buffy knew that I missed her, that I loved her, and that my best friend would want me to live a full life, would want me to honor her memory with laughter and joy." Willow smiled and touched Tara's name on the stone.

"Buffy came alive again in my heart through your stories. You made me remember the fun we had and the love between us. It made the loss somewhat easier to bear. And baby, you stopped the nightmares. I just wish you could stop them now.."

'Kennedy..'

"Sometimes I wish I died instead of you or at least WITH you. ."

'Darling.."

"I wouldn't have made a mess out of everything. I wouldn't have killed. I wouldn't dream of you dying time after time."

'When Kennedy began sleeping in the room with you the nightmares stopped, didn't they? At least the worst of them.'

Willow thought back on the nights since the potential slayer joined her and widened her eyes in wonder. "She took away the nightmares of you dying, your blood all over me, your beautiful eyes without life. She took them away.."

Her body jerked. "Does that mean I'm losing you? Oh God, I don't want to lose you. I don't! I don't know what I would do without you" Willow placed a trembling hand over her heart "in here. I'll be lost. lost as in I-don't-want-to-live-anymore. completely, utterly lost.."

The thought of losing even the slightest part of her memory of Tara frightened her to death, and maybe being with Kennedy would speed the process up, maybe kiss by kiss from non-Tara lips would drive her beloved away. Forever. Shivering Willow fought with tears and despair, and for the second time she wetted the gravestone with hot tears.

Images of Tara flooded her mind, entered every hurting part in there, floating through veins entwined with life-giving blood, filling every part of Willow's body and soul with comforting warmth and remembrance of the good, the bad and the most wonderful moments in their life together.

Spells and magic.

Talks about nothing and everything.

The first tentative kiss.

The first touch of passion.

Lovemaking that blew their minds.

Addiction and betrayal.

The breakup.

The makeup.

Reconnecting bodies, without magic but creating just that.

Knowing that their souls were touching.

The scent of Tara.. "Baby, I miss you," she whispered, but for the first time since Tara's death she didn't feel devastated and without hope. Tara would always be in her heart, no matter what, and that thought made Willow cry again. this time joyously, though, and that was a development for the better. even she could acknowledge that.

'Kennedy..'

"I haven't been nice to her, have I?" Willow sobered up, remembering how she had treated the younger woman so obviously in love with her. She felt ashamed of her past behavior.

"Yesterday she asked me out on a date. to talk. I pretended not to hear, ignoring her really, ignoring the hurt in her eyes. I'm a bad, bad, bad. what? Person? Friend? Girlfriend? Oh, Tara, what am I going to do about her?"

'Talk?'

"Maybe I should agree to go out with her? I mean, like. like a fresh start or something. let her know I care and then go from there, see where it will take us."

'I love you. always..'

With teary eyes Willow kissed the letter T on the gravestone. "See you tomorrow, baby, I'll tell you how it went. Whish me luck, Tara. I love you, always!"

For a short moment it actually felt like the wind and the sun were to soft lips kissing her cheek in goodbye. And when she left the cemetery she felt much lighter, more hopeful.

She was ready to fight for a future


3.

"Hi, Tara. Hope you don't mind me coming here all the time, dumping all my rotten stuff on you. I really miss talking to you, you were, or ARE, easy to talk to. I surprised me at first, that I could be so open with you, you being Willow's girlfriend and all. But you made it easy, took everything in a stride, listened without judgement and gave good advice from the warmth of your heart.

You have changed you much, Tara, from the timid Wiccan following Will around like a lost puppy, to a strong, confident woman with a pure and roomy heart who became the safety base for a bunch of messed up scoobies. And Dawn, you became like a mother to her. Or a more sensible big sister than I ever was. In a way you took care of every one of us without us noticing it. We should have appreciated you more while we had the chance, instead of taking you for granted..

But now it's too late for that, but if it's true that the death can hear the thoughts of the living, you'll know how much you're missed. and loved. by all of us.

And Willow. Willow has not been herself since you died. not really. When she came back from England she was not babbling Willow anymore, she was more subdued, more serious. And she almost never laughed, not for real, anyway. There was no enthusiasm or engagement in her, she did what she had to do, but wasn't really there..

But now. I see some signs of the old Willow returning, small but significant signs, and I know that meeting Ken..

I'm sorry, Tara, maybe I shouldn't talk to you about this, I mean, is all this hurting you? I imagine that you check up on us from time to time. At least on Willow and if you do that you must know about Kennedy. Does jealousy and longing exist where you are? I can't remember. Or do you understand, like you always did when you were alive?

Are you happy for Willow? Happy that she may be ready to move on?"

'She will always remember. The love will never die."

"You probably are happy for her, that's the kind of person you are. I wish I could be more like you. I shouldn't be this petty. this jealous. I heard them yesterday making out in Willow's room. Willow has been different the last couple of days, more open with her affection for Kennedy. I think the change took Kennedy by surprise, it came so sudden, but I can she her dark eyes glow with joy. She's really in love with Will, no doubt about it.

Something changed and I don't know what.

She has been running from Kennedy from the first time the SIT showed more than a friendly interest in her. And now she doesn't anymore.

Something changed and I don't know what.

They're kissing more openly know and no guilty looks from Willow anymore when she touches Kennedy. I don't think they have made love yet, but I'm sure that's just a matter of time."

'You wanted it to be you.'

"I know I should be happy for her, but somehow I'm not. God, Tara, I'm a horrible person. I wanted it to be me. After all these years and after everything that has happened, I wanted it to be me! When did that happen? I never thought about before. Okay, maybe I considered it when she told me about you, but it was never something I took seriously.

Do you hate me for feeling like this, Tara? No, of course not! You don't have it in you to hate anybody. Your heart has the capacity for endless love and compassion, you showed that time after time."

'She loves you too, very much, but she's not the one. Think. think and the answer will come.'

"I like Kennedy, I really do. I think she will become a very competent slayer, even if she reminds me of someone..

I saw her fall for Willow almost immediately. And she tried so hard and Willow almost panicked. I don't think Willow saw it coming before it was too late. Kennedy is very. straightforward. She goes after what she wants without unnecessary hesitation. I must admire that."

'Want. Take. Have.'

"And she has been there for Willow when I couldn't, she helped her face the guilt. She felt guilty for killing Warren AND for your death, too, Tara, and it was tearing her apart. She hid her torment from us, but Kennedy somehow forced her to deal with it and it worked. And she won a part of Willow's heart in the process.

She's so different from you, Tara, no gentle shyness about her, that's for sure!"

'Cute, though, and sweet.'

"She's tough, but not hard, and she's cocky and confident in an adorable way. She kinda reminds me of.."

'Like she would have been without the abuse, without a troubled psyche.'

"Oh God, take I heard them make out. I heard Willow. Not that I haven't heard her before. I mean, you two. when you forgot to silence the room. wow, all those sounds you two made.. You weren't shy in the bedroom, were you, Tara? And you certainly made Willow make interesting noises!

I don't think they have sex, but they are close. And soon I may here Willow scream in pleasure again.

I wanted it to be me."

'She deserves to be happy.'

"But she deserves to be happy, doesn't she? You want that for her, don't you? You know that her love for you will never dwindle, it will stay strong and massive, even if she falls in love with someone else. There's room in Willow's heart for the both of you."

'For all of us.'

"Maybe, instead on concentrating so much on Will and her love life, I should be dealing with my own. And the love I have for Willow is more than what it has become these past weeks. We're friends in the highest and most wonderful meaning of the word. And Kennedy? She's not you, Tara, but maybe that's okay, maybe it's for the best."

'Make that phone call.'

"I've made a mess out it all my life and soon I will be facing something that might destroy everything."

'You'll need all the help you can get.'

"And I'll need all the help I can get. Maybe I should call her? I have been thinking a lot about her lately. I think it's because. yeah, Kennedy reminds me of her, reminds me of all the great qualities she possessed, but most of the time chose to hide. She's in prison, but she's still a slayer, and I need all the help I can get."

'Time for forgiveness.'

"And I don't hate her anymore. Maybe it's time to tell her that. Maybe I should give her a call."


Epilog.

She silently thanked Tara for being there for her, even in death. And for a short moment it actually felt like the wind and the sun were to soft lips kissing her cheek in goodbye. And when she left the cemetery she felt much lighter, more hopeful.

She was going to call Faith.

The end. for now.


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