Title: Endlessly

Author: DarkBard0

Fandom: Popular

Pairings: Brooke/Sam

Ratings: R

Feedback Email Address: ShalFoxB@hotmail.com


3:00pm

Sam smiled at the waitress as she placed her order down on the table in front of her. She was pretty, a blonde. She looked a little like Brooke actually. Sam cringed lightly, scorning herself for thinking it. She didn’t want to think about anything that happened earlier, but it was the only thing she could think about. The happenings kept running around her head like a dog chasing its tail. ‘’Talk’’ Nate had said, ‘’go and talk.’’ He’d been a saint. Although making them talk about it there had been horrible, at least he’d managed to do the one thing they’d been avoiding since forever.

Now though, were they talking? No, they were not. They weren’t even in the same place. Sam found herself sitting in…actually she didn’t know what this place was called. All she knew was that it had a dark, sullen ambiance and it served her particular brand of beer. Not very level headed but there you go. She needed to try and stop thinking, and she needed to get this whiplash of pain out of her head. If she didn’t, she thought she might just have to go crazy instead. So, she smiled again at the waitress and looked at the glasses and bottle she’d set down. One bottle of Budweiser, one shot of vodka, one shot of tequila, and one shot of whiskey. Sam was aiming high with this. It was her third, maybe fourth round. She couldn’t decide. It must’ve been the drink doing its job she supposed.

Deciding to go with the whiskey first this time, Sam picked up the glass and poured it down her throat. After this many, it didn’t even burn on the way down. Her head was already reeling, hazing over but still had the memory of that certain blonde in it. That certain blonde that never really responded to her confession. And that hurt. Sam understood she was confused, but it didn’t make it any less painful. Why couldn’t Brooke just have said it back, and then things at least would be that little bit simpler?

The lawyer hadn’t though. And after leaving Nate’s office they’d separated to get their things. Brooke had said they should meet in the reception and Sam had agreed. Only to vanish. The journalist had used the back stairwells to leave the building pretty much undetected. She hadn’t passed by many people, just one or two. Sure she’d received odd looks but who cared? She just knew that she couldn’t go downstairs and face Brooke right now. Brooke who was going to glaze over the fact that she’d told her she loved her until she sorted things in her own head. Well, Sam had decided it was fine for Brooke to sort things out in her own head. Just that she didn’t need to be there, sitting in torture. Instead, she’d opted on going and getting blind drunk. And so far, she was on target.

As Sam put the empty whiskey class down on the table, she jumped slightly as her cell phone began to ring. Looking around calmly, she frowned as she tried to remember where she’d left it. Then, as if on cue she saw her jacket strewn over the chair by her side. Reaching for it, she fumbled in her pockets until she claimed the offending item. Blinking as she looked at it with concentration, she saw the name flashing up on the screen. Of course it would be Brooke. She’d either be pissed or worried. Or both. But Sam didn’t want to deal with that right now. Instead, she just switched the phone off and slipped it back into her pocket. She needed her own time, just like Brooke needed hers.

 

3:00pm

After a long search for Sam, Brooke had figured that she’d skipped the building. The underhanded brunette had gone out the back way, because none of the security guys had seen her pass out the front. That was just great. They needed to talk and Sam had bailed. Brooke knew why. She knew that Sam thought she needed her own time. That she was confused about this whole love deal. But it wasn’t up to her to choose whether they were to separate or not. Brooke had wanted to talk to Sam. She had a million questions. About her, about them, about Harrison. One particular thing that was bothering her was Harrison. Had he followed Sam to Bali? She’d gone on spur of the moment, which would of made it hard for him to go of course. But Brooke hadn’t heard from him throughout Sam’s entire vacation. Did that mean he was working over or sunning it up with Sam in Bali?

In the rational part of Brooke’s mind, she knew that it was common sense that he would go. He was her fiancé after all, and knowing Harrison he would have swapped shifts to high heaven so that he could go with her. And she was jealous of that. She didn’t want him there with Sam, just like she didn’t want him with Sam. Again, she wasn’t sure what that meant. And this is why she thought she needed to talk about it. But in her almighty wisdom, Sam bailed, thinking that it would be easier for her to think. And she knew Sam was scared because she hadn’t said anything back to her. She hadn’t said she loved her, whether it was good or bad.  She didn’t give Sam anything either way. Brooke wished she’d have said something else. Something that might settle her mind even if it was just until they met up. Maybe if she had, Sam wouldn’t have run off?

The blonde found it frustrating. This was one side of Sam’s spontaneity that she didn’t appreciate. After everything that had happened, they at least needed to decide on an immediate course of action. Like when and where to meet. Although, that wasn’t going to be a problem. George was away in Chicago, and he wouldn’t be home until the day after tomorrow. He had some meeting with some football people that Brooke hadn’t really listened to. Although she understood football, she didn’t really understand the politics behind it. That was George’s career. Just like he didn’t know anything about being a lawyer. So, her house was free. But, as she threw her phone into the passenger seat of her car after she got cut off, Brooke didn’t feel like going home. She sat in her car for a moment, screwing her eyes shut to try and clear her mind. Perhaps gain some clarity. She needed to talk, or to rant. Or kick the shit out of something. Either way, she couldn’t stay here and she knew Sam wouldn’t have gone home. Wherever she was, evidently she didn’t want to face up to the conversations they needed to have. So, Brooke would allow her that time. Sooner or later Sam would call her, or appear at her door. So Brooke did the only thing she thought she could right now. She started her car, and decided to go to a man that was now her brother after the unexpected union between her Father and his Mother.  She’d go and see Josh.

 

5:13pm

‘’You’re drunk.’’

The flat, unimpressed tone of voice could signal to anyone that Carmen Farrera was not best pleased. She stood in the entrance of her doorway, eyebrow raised pointedly with her arms crossed over her chest. Dark brown eyes centred irritably on the brunette before her, but they weren’t as hard as she meant them to be. Deep down, Carmen couldn’t help but be somewhat concerned. She wondered why one of her oldest friends had turned up on her doorstep, so drunk that she couldn’t even lift her head properly.

Sam leaned heavily on the doorframe, her head resting on it too. It didn’t help with the spinning though, no nothing seemed to be able to stop that. Though, the journalist felt she could handle it, just as soon as her thoughts were blocked out. Them she still didn’t want to handle. She didn’t want the past nine years going over and over in her head. She just wanted some peace, a little clarity. But no, the only thing she could think about was Brooke. So her mission had failed. She’d intended on getting blind drunk to forget, but instead she’d just plain got blind drunk.

After the bartender had decided to cut her off, Sam had let the nice blonde waitress call her a cab. The brunette of course in her wisdom had said she was perfectly fine to drive. The waitress had just laughed and then in no uncertain terms told her that if she even set foot near her car then she’d break her arms. Shocked, but severely put in her place, Sam had agreed. It was unusual to find someone who actually cared. Most people wouldn’t have given a damn if she got behind the wheel or not. But this waitress, Victoria, had cared. And she’d bundled Sam off into the cab and sent her on her merry way. She’d also given her a card for the bar, so that Sam would remember where she’d left her car. And the brunette couldn’t be sure, but there might have been a home number on the back of it too. She’d have to check when she eventually got sober again.

Not wanting to go home to a house that was filled with things to do with her and Harrison, Sam had decided to tell the driver to aim Carmen’s way. She needed to rant. In her drunken haze, she hadn’t really thought about the fact that Carmen wasn’t expecting her, or the goings on between her and Brooke. And also in her drunken haze she didn’t really think about her reaction either. To Sam right now, Carmen was just Carmen. Someone she could go and talk to and rely on like she always had. It didn’t even occur to her that the brunette was on late shifts all this week.

Trying to stand up straight, Sam wobbled forwards. Carmen leaped forwards and caught her friend by the shoulders, securing her in a firm grip. Now she really was worried. Sam didn’t get like this. Ever. Sure she’d been drunk just like everyone else, but she didn’t do this. She didn’t do sitting somewhere in the middle of the day and getting so drunk that she couldn’t even stand properly then turning up on someone’s door. What had caused her to take such an action? And argument with Harrison? A debacle at work? Carmen didn’t know right now, but she had the intention to find out.

‘’Oh-kay, c’mon I’ve got you. Slowly now.’’

Sam leaned into Carmen heavily, and as she did the police officer found herself thankful for her light frame. Slowly walking backwards in front of Sam, she led her into the corridor and turned her gently to lean on the wall. Then, Carmen moved to shut the door. Turning back, she frowned in apprehension at the sight in front of her. Apprehension because whatever had caused Sam to go off on a daytime drinking spree must have been big. Looking into dull, chocolate eyes she could see a mix of emotions fighting for dominance. Fear, anger, pain, love, confusion and a few more that Carmen couldn’t put her finger on. Sam had always been a bag full of enigmatic emotions. The brunette ran deeper than anyone expected, she knew that for definite. But right now it looked like that bag was open, and everything in her had risen to the surface. It wouldn’t do for her mysterious and endearing character, but it wasn’t doing to be kept shut either apparently. Though what had caused this shift was still eluding her, Carmen would of course help her friend as much as she could. Although Sam couldn’t have picked a worse time to show up on her doorstep seeking help. She had to set off to work in just over thirty minutes, not really giving her that much time with her.

Sighing as she moved forwards, Carmen took the cigarette that the brunette held between the fingers and opened the door again. Flicking it out onto the soil, she shut the door and turned. Next she took the bottle out of Sam’s hand, wondering how the hell she’d managed to keep one after being in such a state. In fact, she had the frame of mind to find this bar and come down heavy on them for serving an obviously drunk woman. People had their limits, and Sam had clearly surpassed hers.

‘’Sam, what happened? Hey, look at me. Tell me what’s wrong.’’

Speaking firmly but warmly, she lifted Sam’s chin up so she could try and get her to look at her properly. If she could at least get some kind of quick explanation, she would know how to handle this a little better. If something serious had happened, like someone was hurt or worse, or she’d broken up with Harrison then at least she’d know how to go about this. But as Sam looked at her, she seemed to fill up with everything. An abundant pain across her pale, beautifully simple features as she looked at the officer in front of her. Everything she wanted to say was right on her tongue, but she was being held back in saying it at the minute. Instead, her sad, soulful eyes began to well up. Moving forwards, she leaned on Carmen again and was relieved when her friend hugged her as she cried. She’d felt it coming, and now she just needed to get rid of it. The pressure of so much realisation and admittance had managed to crack her. And now she just needed to let go.

 

5:30pm

Brooke’s delicate yet strong hands gripped her mug tightly. The coffee that had been inside of it warmed them, but now it was only half full. And she couldn’t help but stare into the surface of the dark substance. Dark green eyes wondered through her thoughts slowly, taking her away from where she was sitting.

The lawyer had done as intended and went to visit Josh. Upon her arrival at her brother’s house, she hadn’t been able to stop herself from proclaiming that she was having an affair. No ‘hey how’re you’, no ‘I thought I’d just drop by’, simply ‘I’m having an affair’. Josh to say the least was a little surprised. He knew Brooke very well, and he’d never pinned her to be one to cheat. But seeing the expression spilt across her face, she could see that it was more than that. There seemed to be a story written behind her eyes, and before he could judge her he had to know it. And now he did. Well, he knew some brief details. Brooke hadn’t been here long enough to tell him everything. She’d just filled him in on the current situation, and some sparse details of what had been going on. Even though it wasn’t everything, he understood. He was overwhelmed, but he’d tried to keep up with her as much as possible.

‘’So do you?’’

Brooke looked up from starring at her coffee at Josh’s interruption. The world around her had not only fallen silent, but the only thing in it had been the surface of her drink. She hadn’t taken in a damn thing Josh had been saying. Feeling a little guilty, scene as she was at his house pouring out her heart, for ignoring him, she let herself come back to reality. Although that reality came back with a sickly tug to her stomach. She’d had it ever since Nate had showed them the security video, and the blonde didn’t expect to loose it until this was all sorted out.

‘’George, do you love him?’’

Josh, gaining the idea that Brooke didn’t have a clue what he’d said due to her blank look and wondering eyes, cleared up the question. It was a simple enough thing in his mind. Either she did, or she didn’t. But then, he guessed he was a simple guy. He’d been with one girl since he’d left high school, and that was Lily. He’d never turned his eye to anyone else, and didn’t find any need to. So he couldn’t really grasp the entirety of Brooke’s situation. But, it had occurred to him that if the blonde had let this go on for nine years, she must have felt something for the brunette journalist. Then again, she’d let herself marry George, so she must have felt something for him too right? Okay, maybe it wasn’t such a straight forwards question. Maybe the question should have laid in the fear department. Maybe she needed to accept a few things about herself before she could think about anybody else? After all, it happened. People got married for the wrong reasons or when they were scared of something bigger. Brooke could have married George to stop herself from accepting certain things.

As Brooke frowned, opening her mouth but then stopping herself from responding, she was saved by the ringing of her phone. Turning her head towards her jacket, she looked at it as the ringing continued. It was as if she couldn’t actually believe someone was calling her. Or she thought it was the jacket! Either way she looked at it for a moment before shaking her head and moving to fish the cell out of her jacket. She knew she’d frozen because she expected it to be Sam. And given that she’d only just blurted some of the story out to Josh she’d feel uncomfortable talking to her in front of him.

‘’Hello? Hey Carmen. Yeah I…she what? When? Okay, no it’s fine I understand. I’ll be right there. Okay, bye.’’

Josh looked at the blonde as she finished her conversation with Carmen, wondering why Brooke looked so concerned. Although, she’d had pretty much the same expression since she’d arrived. He didn’t particularly envy her situation. Stuck in between worlds almost. Having to choose between something you didn’t properly understand yet. Although somewhere deep down Brooke had the answer to everything. She knew whom she loved, and what she needed to do. She’d find those answers eventually and she’d act appropriately on them. Josh just hoped it would be sooner rather than later for her sake.

‘’Apparently Sam’s drunk and passed out at Carmen’s. I have to go pick her up; Carmen has to go to work and Sam’s too bad to be left alone.’’

Brooke explained flatly as she rose from her seat and began to slip on her jacket. She didn’t look at Josh, and she didn’t think about what she’d have to encounter when she got to Carmen’s. She was trying not to think about anything. She felt as if she needed to scream. Just to let something out. Or until the answer came to her. One thing she did know was that she was scared. She was scared that if she didn’t love George, then it meant something about her. Maybe her mistake had been putting off what her attraction to Sam meant in school? Maybe if she’d sat down and thought about it then, none of this would be happening now? It would’ve been so much easier, if she’d just decided she was gay or bi back then. At least there wouldn’t be this double life she was living. It was perfectly clear that this Sam thing wasn’t a phase, unless you counted nine years as a phase that was. Maybe if she’d have decided then, she would never have married George and gotten herself into this mess. Or maybe she would have just accepted her sexuality, and she would have picked him over Sam anyway? If it was the confusion pushing her to live both lives, then she needed to decide what and who she was. Either way, someone was going to get hurt. Sam had already fallen apart and crawled into a bar. And she felt guilty for that, but she was mad too. What kind of answer was that right now? She’d felt like a stiff drink herself but it didn’t mean she’d gone out and had so much she’d passed out.

‘’Brooke? It’s okay you know? If…if you love her. No one’s gunna judge you, we just want you both to be happy. You need to think about whom and what’s gunna do that, and I think deep down you know already. But I just want you to know that you know, if you’re gay or whatever then it’s cool.’’

Shrugging lightly with a fleeting smile, Josh departed both his wisdom and his blessing. It was true that George was his friend, but so was Sam. And Brooke had become his sister. He had to stay relatively neutral. But his main loyalty of course had to stick with Brooke. She’d been there for him so he wouldn’t fail her now. And he did just want her to be happy. He knew as well as she did that someone would get hurt during this. But he really did just want her to be happy, if not with anything else but herself. And if that meant she was gay then he could deal with that. If that meant that she and Sam would end up more than friends…well more so than they already were, then he could deal with that too. He loved Sam too, and he respected her. She’d done a lot for Brooke and she was an all around great girl. Really, if Brooke had to choose any girl to be with then Josh couldn’t pick a better one. Besides his own wife of course but she couldn’t have her!

Brooke moved forwards and hugged him tightly, relieved at what he’d said. Knowing that she had Josh’s support made her mind a little lighter. Given that she was racked with fear, maybe it would shift some of it so she could see what was going on. What her real feelings were and what options they left to her. Right now she held a duty to Sam. She was partly responsible for her reaction and she intended to stand by her.

 

5:50pm

Brooke sighed and looked around as she knocked on Carmen’s door. Her street was nice, it was quiet. A few of the kids were still playing out on one of the front lawns happily. Merrily going about their fun and games. She wished that she could be so carefree. Right now she wouldn’t mind reverting back to childhood for a while, surrounded by innocence and laughter. Though the blonde realised that her childhood had been painful too. Her Mother had abandoned her and it had sent a world of problems into motion for her. Brooke didn’t colour her childhood sad, not all of it. She’d had her happy times. Mostly due to her Father. He’d done his best and she loved him for that. But part of Brooke would always feel cheated out of a regular childhood. And she knew part of her would never forgive her Mother. If she ever met her again. The lawyer seriously doubted she would. The woman had never made contact with her and she wasn’t about to either. As far as she was concerned, she had a Mother now. She’d been happy, after the awkwardness had passed that was, that her Dad had gotten together with Josh’s Mom. Sure, they’d already been splitting up when it had happened and Josh had started to see Lily shortly after. But it was still an odd situation. Her ex boyfriend was now her brother. This was someone she’d slept with, so there had been an adjustment time. But the pair of them had moved on from it, and their friendship had dropped into that of a brother and sister relationship.

She wondered for a moment what her Dad would say about all of this. She had the inkling that it would be the same as Josh. Although he wouldn’t be best pleased about how she’d gone about this whole thing. The affair and keeping secrets. He’d be disappointed in her for that. But at the end of the day Brooke knew that he’d just want the best for her, and if that turned out to be Sam then so be it. He liked Sam, and he’d gotten to know her a lot when she’d been helping her through recovery. Brooke had noticed that he and Sam had formed this…friendship one could say. She didn’t know quite what it was. But they had always been friendly, and they had no problem talking to one another. Just like she had no problems talking with Jane. Maybe they’d both chosen each other’s parents to fill some kind of void in their life? Brooke had always felt void of a Mother, and Jane had somewhat filled that. Maybe Sam felt the same way about Mike. Although now both were married off to great significant others.

‘’Brooke, good.’’

Brooke jumped back into reality again as Carmen opened the door abruptly. Brooke turned to smile at her faintly, wondering if she was about to get a verbal accosting. Considering Sam’s current state, Carmen may have blamed Brooke for being so cold towards her. Or she just might have plain blamed her. She wasn’t too sure about Carmen’s reaction. She’d been Sam’s friend for years, so she’d been there every time she had hurt Sam. Brooke wouldn’t blame her for being protective and mad. But then, Carmen was a fairly easygoing person. She might have just taken the news just as well as Josh had.

Right now though, she looked more flustered and rushed than anything else. Of course, there was residual worry too, something that Brooke shared. The brunette was all ready in her uniform; hair tied back and up like it normally was for work. It still seemed odd to Brooke that Carmen was a police officer. She’d pretty much shocked everyone with that revelation. She hadn’t told anyone she was trying to get in until she’d been accepted. She just seemed far too passive for it. But since high school, Carmen had found her balance. Yes, she was a laid back person but there was a line. Carmen tended to be fair, and she tended to be the voice of reason too. And Brooke had seen her in action and she’d had to admit that the police career really seemed to suit her friend.

‘’I’m sorry I took so long, traffic got backed up. Are you late?’’

The blonde wondered regretfully. She’d tried to her best to hurry along, but there’d been some kind of problem on the road here. An accident or something. It had backed the other drivers up pretty good, and not a lot of them had been happy. Still, she’d made it in twenty minutes, and hopefully she’d made it in time for Carmen to just get in on time. The officer waved her in quickly, shutting the door after she had. Then, she gestured down the hall as a signal for her to follow.

‘’Not yet, I might just make it. I feel like I’m pawning her off or something.’’

The brunette responded, a heavy sigh of guilt following. She wanted to be here for Sam. She wanted to spend all night talking about what it was that had upset her. The only thing she’d managed to get out of her is that she felt lost and things were falling in on herself. It didn’t make sense. Sam was so self aware, so together. She had her career that she adored, and she was happy where she lived and with Harrison too. Why would she all of a sudden begin to feel lost? What was it that was falling in on top of her? If she really did feel like that, then she was a good actress. The darker brunette gave the impression that she was happy and in control. Sure, her job was demanding but that’s why she liked it. Sam wasn’t the kind to just sit docilely behind a desk or something. She wanted more from her job. And she’d always had a passion for journalism. It was who she was. She rose to the pressure.

It left Carmen wondering if everything was truly okay with her friend’s relationship. Whether she and Harrison were having problems and hadn’t told anybody. It was their privilege; they were the couple at the end of the day. What happened within their relationship was theirs and no one else’s. But it was still odd that neither of them would say something. After Harrison’s illness and Brooke’s accident, the group had become pretty tight. They’d taken their ups and downs together since then so they were all pretty close. Both of them had talked over problems with them before, and had ranted about fights they’d had in the past. So it would confuse Carmen if they were going through something serious silently.

‘’You’re not pawning her off Carmen; it’s not your fault you’re on duty tonight. Did erm…did she tell you what happened?’’

Brooke cast a warm glance at her friend as they walked through into the living room. The only sound to be heard was the passed out journalists quiet breathing from where she was laid out. Carmen had plopped her onto the couch, deciding that she’d rather not heft her up the stairs to the bedroom. Sam was light but she’d been difficult to handle drunk, so Carmen had opted for the easiest option.

Now, the police officer and the lawyer rounded the room so they were stood in front of the couch, both standing and looking at the brunette. She’d fallen asleep on Carmen’s shoulder, and since then she’d been laid out comfortably. Carmen had even put a blanket over her just to make sure she was warm and comfortable. Her friend, even in sleep, looked so vulnerable. It’s why she felt guilty for having to go. Obviously she needed someone to talk to, or to rant to or cry over like she had. And she desperately wanted to be that person. But she couldn’t be, she had to work. She loved her job, but just this once she wished she didn’t have it.

‘’No…she just turned up so drunk she could hardly lift her head. She said something about feeling lost and that things were falling in on her. Oh, and that she may have made a huge mistake. The rest of the time she just cried. Muttered a few things I couldn’t make out. Apart from you. I didn’t hear what she said but I heard your name, that’s why I called you instead of Harrison.’’

Carmen turned to face Brooke as she answered, but Brooke just stared at Sam. Her heart sank at the look on her face. There were even still some tear marks smeared down her skin. Brooke couldn’t deny that she just wanted to take it all away from the brunette. She knew a large part of her just wanted to scream that she loved her back and that they should be together. But then the other part stopped her and thought about George. And that’s when the fear and confusion set in. She kept asking herself whether she really loved her husband. And she couldn’t answer it yet. That was a scary thought. Because if she couldn’t say yes, then she knew it meant she couldn’t love him. The thing was, she couldn’t answer when she asked herself if she loved Sam either.

 

7:34pm

‘’Where am I?’’

Sam wondered looking around. Brooke took the empty water glass from the brunette and placed it onto the bedside table lightly; satisfied now that Sam had taken the painkillers she’d given her. It had felt like she’d been asleep for hours, and that Carmen’s house had seemed like yesterday. And sitting in the dark bedroom, silent with just a lamp and Sam’s breathing, had felt like they were the only people left on the planet.

Now though, Sam was awake and she was confused. The brunette hadn’t been expecting to wake up with her there. Actually, Brooke didn’t know what Sam had been expecting. She didn’t know how much of anything she remembered. For all she knew, she could’ve woken up slumped in that very same bar. That was what Brooke was really mad at. That she’d gotten into such a state that her personal safety had been jeopardised.  But the softer side of her could understand what had caused it. And at the end of the day, Sam was safe.

‘’At my house.’’

The blonde responded softly. She watched as Sam looked around a little more, like a small curious kitten after coming into a new home. She still looked vulnerable, Brooke saw that much. However much Sam tried to hide it. The journalist was probably trying to feign indifference, hoping that Brooke wouldn’t talk about what happened and what she’d said so they could move on from it. Even when the reality was that they couldn’t move on from it unless they talked about it. Damned if they did, damned if they didn’t. It was looking pretty much that way. There were so many questions that Brooke reasoned that she should pick the significant ones out, and start with those. But for the moment, she just watched Sam silently.

Turning to look at the blonde now, Sam narrowed her eyes towards her. Running her tongue over her lips as she drew in a breath to rephrase her question, Sam ran her hand through her hair. She already knew she was in Brooke’s house. Despite having no recollection of getting here, Sam still knew. Whatever had happened between the bar and Brooke was a mystery, but there was only one thing disturbing her right now. And to punctuate her question, she flailed her hand in the air slightly, squeezing her thumb and finger together.

‘’Yes but where in the house am I?’’

The brunette rephrased, spinning her hand in a small circle as she tried to point out what she meant. She would have thought Brooke would have picked it up in her question. Thought she’d have noticed the look of recognition in her eyes as she’d woken up. The lawyer was much quicker than that. Although Sam didn’t really expect her to be a lawyer right now. She looked a little dishelved and heavy hearted, dark green eyes almost pleading. Sam didn’t like that. She didn’t like seeing her so down. But there wasn’t anything she could do right now. There were things to say and to be done first. She had no idea how to start them, but she still knew they had to come. And she had to give Brooke the time and space to work things out for herself. Without ending up in some bar.

As she’d looked around the room though, it was too dark to figure out where she was exactly. All she knew was that she was in a bed, there was a nightstand next to it and also the chair Brooke had been sat in. That’s all she could make out. Whether it was because her eyes were a little soar or just because it was too dark, she didn’t know. But her heart seemed to speed up a little bit, as her throat tightened significantly, at the thought of which bed she may have been in. Waking up to that wasn’t one of her wishes. She didn’t want to be in Brooke’s bedroom. It was bad enough that she had ended up with her, never mind being shoved in a bed Brooke shared with her husband. Sam just didn’t feel like she would’ve been able to deal with that if it was the case. It made her feel sick that Brooke lived here, let alone got into bed every night with a man that was supposed to be her friend. It didn’t say too much about her, she didn’t think. None of this did. She’d done everything wrong, and she’d let herself do everything wrong. But that didn’t mean what she felt wasn’t real. It didn’t mean that she wasn’t allowed to be jealous, and it didn’t mean that she wasn’t allowed to not want to be in their room.

‘’Oh…no, you’re in the guest room.’’

Eventually catching on, Brooke held up her hands and shook her head immediately. Eyes widened at the thought of the same thing Sam was hinting at. She’d never do that. Brooke didn’t want that world to cross either. She knew how it would’ve made Sam feel, and she knew how it would’ve made her feel. She was having an affair. She had been for years, but there were some boundaries she couldn’t cross. And not just for George, but for Sam and herself too.

The blonde wondered for a moment what it would be like if she didn’t have to wake up to her husband. Instead of waking up to George, she’d wake up to Sam. Which she’d done, many a time. But would it feel different? If they were together, would waking up in the same bed every morning feel different than it had before? Would they wake up draped over one another like they had so many times before? In an intimate and loving embrace, that was the softest and most comfortable place on earth? Would it still work like that?

Shaking her head visibly, Brooke stopped her thoughts in their tracks. This wasn’t one of the more significant questions that she needed to answer first. Or was it? Daydreaming about being involved with Sam, waking up with her. Wasn’t that a question of love? Didn’t it go a way to showing her what she wanted? Or was it just a wonder? For every question she had there came a million more. How was she supposed to win?

‘’Good. You want to tell me how I got here? And call me a cab?’’

The journalist wondered, scowling ever so slightly as her voice took on a harsher tone. The questions didn’t really come out like questions. More like a firm demand that was forged as a question. And ones that were defiant.   Like she really thought that she could go. Maybe simply because she didn’t want to do this with a hang over, although she didn’t feel as bad as she would have expected to. There was a distinct throbbing in her head, and her body felt somewhat weak and achy, but she’d expected to feel as though she was dying after the amount she’d drunk.

‘’I’ll tell you how you got here Sam, but you’re not going anywhere. You ran from me once today you’re not doing it again.’’

Brooke folded her arms, giving a good scowl of her own. She took on the same commanding tone that she used with some of the other lawyers that were trying to push her over from other companies. And she knew it worked with scorning people. Including Sam. And considering that she looked like a little puppy that had just learnt its lesson she guessed that it had worked again.

Sighing lightly, Sam grumbled and shrugged. It had been worth a try. Doing this after a thousand years of sleep and a good shower might have been nice though. And what really did they have to talk about? She’d made her feelings perfectly clear. She’d told Brooke she loved her. Didn’t she know that meant she wanted her? With no George and no Harrison as cover anymore?

‘’Fine, whatever.’’

Adjusting her position a little, Sam folded her arms too. Her mind was still a haze of blankness so she figured she might as well hear what had happened. She needed to know if she’d done anything stupid.

‘’After you’re little sneaky underhanded flee from work, you went to some bar called Dopples. Some waitress, Victoria, left you a card in your pocket. To remind you where your car is because she wouldn’t let you drive. Thank god for small mercies. There’s her number on here too. Anyway, you ended up at Carmen’s door. She called me because she had to go to work and I came and picked you up. After that, obviously I brought you here. You were awake but still drunk. Ended up with your head down the bowl too. I made you drink some of ‘the recipe’ and take some painkillers, hoping it would help when you woke up next. I got you changed, put you in bed and this is where you know the rest.’’

Brooke couldn’t help but point out that Sam’s disappearance had been underhanded. Giving her a pointed gaze to show how mad and hurt she was, she watched the brunette frown and look away for a moment as she rubbed the back of her neck. Good, so she should feel guilty. At least Brooke knew the journalist knew she’d done wrong. There was nothing to be done about it now, but she did want Sam to acknowledge that it had been a mistake.

Continuing on with her summary of events, she handed the card to the brunette. It had fallen out of her pocket as Brooke had been getting her changed, and lent her some relief that at least someone had been making sure Sam didn’t drive. Even though she had split feelings about this Victoria waitress. On one hand, she quite possibly may have saved Sam’s life. Not letting her drive and calling her a cab. On the other, she’d left her home number with a ‘call me’ next to it. Who was she to hit on her? And had Sam been playing up to that? Brooke didn’t know, and she wasn’t best pleased about it. Sam was taken.

Frowning at herself for a moment, Brooke realised what she’d just been thinking. Sam was taken. By her. She was jealous. Jealous that some woman had been moving in on her territory. She never got jealous with George. He had so many women hitting on him and she didn’t rise to jealousy once. But as soon as one waitress leaves a number on a back of a card she goes all green-eyed monster? What was with that?

Sam just looked at the card numbly, turning it in her hand. Chocolate brown eyes seemed to drop a little distant, back into the darkness of her mind as she tried to shine some light on it. She had absolutely no memory of being given the card. And no memory of her wanting to drive home either. There was a hazy and distorted memory of this Victoria though; friendly blonde had been serving her. Sam guessed that she must have been her waitress all the time she was there. Brooke didn’t seem too happy about it she’d noticed. A hint of jealousy and coldness washed over her for a moment. That was good. Sam reasoned that it must have provoked something in Brooke to make her realise that she didn’t want anyone else sniffing around her.

And now she knew why she didn’t feel as bad as she’d have expected to. Back in college when the four of them had been going to an endless amount of parties and clubs, they’d invented a drink that they simply called ‘the recipe’. It held a number of ingredients, and it didn’t taste fantastic, but it sure helped with hangovers. Sam couldn’t remember how they’d come across it now. Maybe after combining things that they’d been told that would be good for having so they wouldn’t be in a world of hurt they’d found the right combination. It didn’t really matter though, what mattered is that it did its job. And she was thankful that Brooke made her drink some of it. Otherwise she probably would have woken up and thought she was about to die.

‘’Thanks. So…what erm…where do we go from here?’’

Looking back up at Brooke, she quirked an eyebrow to go with her question. A good, heavy question that she had a feeling Brooke didn’t know the answer to. Someone had to set the ball rolling, but with what was a hard one to answer. She was dubious of starting, still feeling vulnerable for earlier. Her little confession had been quite enough for the moment, until Brooke started to make a path she could walk down.

‘’Did Harrison go to Bali with you?’’

The blonde asked quickly. She looked surprised at herself; obviously she hadn’t meant to ask that as directly as it had come out. And it surprised Sam too. The journalist didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but it wasn’t that. Obviously it had been weighing on the blonde’s mind. Probably ever since she’d gone away. Sam felt a little guilty for feeling that was a good thing too. Even though it probably would have driven the lawyer insane. At least Sam knew Brooke had been thinking about it. Wondering if Harrison was getting to be with her when she couldn’t. Again it went in the cause towards them, rather than her and George. If she was thinking about her for three weeks, then she wasn’t thinking about George too much.

Leaning sideways lightly, Sam picked up the packet of cigarettes and the lighter that Brooke had put on the nightstand. Silently, with a few glances up at the blonde, the journalist began to get one out. Did it really mean hat Brooke had been wondering all the vacation, or was it just a thought occurring to her now? And what would it matter? Brooke had to deal with her being with Harrison everyday anyway, what would a holiday do to differ that? Was it so important? Or was it the fact that he could go instead of her bugging her? Sam wasn’t quite sure. Maybe Brooke was trying to weigh out what it is she was feeling. Maybe she was putting certain things into different corners of her mind so she could deal and understand them a lot easier and better.

‘’No. No he couldn’t get the time off.’’

Finally, Sam answered. After she’d lit the cigarette and taken a drag, she responded to the question posed. Brooke seemed to have been sitting at full attention, as if it were the question to decide all things. A flicker of relief seemed to shoot through her eyes. Sam frowned lightly, wondering why it was so important right now. But she wasn’t Brooke. She only had her mind to see, not the blonde’s. Either way, the fact that she seemed relieved must have been good.

Brooke sighed, running a hand through her hair and then reached forwards for the pack too. She knew Sam was watching her with a surprised expression as she lit up, but she didn’t care. The lawyer reasoned that if Sam could smoke right now then so could she. Both of them had had a brief period of smoking through college. Every now and again they’d still do it, but they’d kicked the habit a long while back. Now though, the lawyer granted herself the go ahead. This wasn’t exactly normal circumstances.

‘’Sam, I’m sorry for earlier.  I should have said something when you said that erm…when you told me you loved me.  I was inconsiderate.’’

Brooke looked towards her chocolate-eyed lover apologetically with remnants of guilt smeared across her thoughtful face.  Running her hand through silky blonde hair again, she inhaled the smoke and then let her eyes flutter away from Sam for a second, before returning.  She could see that the other woman appreciated the gesture.  A small sliver of relief seemed to sweep through her eyes as Brooke apologised and acknowledged that she’d told her.  Each of them knew though that the lawyer hadn’t intently meant to be hurtful.  She’d just been in shock.  Though Brooke still felt the need to say it, to give Sam that gesture of respect before they went any further.

‘’Thank you, I appreciate that.  I’m sorry too.  For acting like an ass, I should never have gotten myself into this state.  By far the worst thing to do right now.  I was inconsiderate too.  Brooke, I don’t know what to say or do here.  I don’t know what we’re doing or how we let things progress this far.  All I know is that we both need to be brutally honest with each other because something has to change.  I had a lot of time to think in Bali, and all I could think about was you.  Why it’s taken me this long to realise it I don’t know.  But I do love you, and I think we’d be so good together.  Nine years Brooke, evidently there’s something special between us.  I don’t know why I started seeing Harrison, or why I stood back and let you marry George.  And I don’t know how to get out of this without hurting anyone.  All I know is that I’m happiest when I’m with you.  That when you look at me, or smile at me, or touch me, my heart skips and my breath catches.  No one has ever made me feel like you make me feel, and no one knows me like you do.  I know it’s a lot for you, but I can’t just sit back and not say anything anymore.  I want you.  I want an us.  I want to do all the stupid couple stuff, and I want the chance to grow old with you.  I know I could make you happy.  I know I could take care of you.  And I know that I’ll love you for the rest of my life.’’

Well if there had been any doubt before, there sure wasn’t now.  Leaning forwards slightly, Sam departed with the truth that she’d suggested they share.  She hadn’t made a conscience decision to confess to all of that, but she meant what she said about not being able to not say anything anymore.  She was standing up for maybe the biggest part of her life here.  She didn’t want there to be any miscommunications, no more fear or dishonesty.  She wanted Brooke, and she wasn’t going to deny that to herself or anyone else anymore.  Her feelings had made her decision.  And this whole situation was like a war.  The only choice Sam had was to fight for herself.  And she intended on doing that.  At least then she’d have been honest.  If nothing else came out of this, at least she could say that.

Her chocolate brown eyes had been locked into Brooke’s for every word.  Those glorious, penetrating green eyes swirled as she’d taken in every word spoken.  Sam felt like she could die in those eyes.  Happily so.  There didn’t seem to be an end to them, just forever went on beautifully.  And they’d glazed over.  They’d filled and filled until there was no more room and then finally the tears had begun to role down pale, soft skin.

Leaning forwards a little more, Sam outstretched her free hand and began to carefully wipe away the tears from Brooke’s face.  The lawyer felt as if her heart was trying to decide what to do.  She felt as if it didn’t decide soon and tell her the answers, then it may just have imploded within her chest.  The sincere, loving confession from Sam made Brooke tremble.  In one respect, she’d never felt happier.  Having the journalist say it like that, voice thick with feeling, was the most amazing thing in the world.  And for a brief moment, Brooke was happy.  Her head wasn’t pounding with a thick fog anymore.  Questions weren’t screaming at her, nagging away at her with doubts and fear.  She felt at peace.  Felt as though the rest of her life was now secure in the hands of the girl in front of her.

It was only a brief moment though.  Her own mind didn’t let her escape for that long.  The fog quickly gained back its overwhelming power and clouded her mind, heart and judgement again.  How was she supposed to make a decision if she couldn’t see?  Constantly she reminded herself about George.  About her life with George.  He’d been an unexpected turn in her life.  When he’d first arrived on the scene, back in school, he’d set out to date Sam.  All they had been was friends through Josh.  Brooke had watched as George had asked Sam out, and the brunette had accepted the offer.  But their interest in one another had been short lived.  Apparently, they weren’t compatible.  They’d declared that friends was all they could ever be, and George had turned his attention onto the blonde.

Things had worked out oddly in school.  Everything that Brooke had held onto had been turned over on its head.  The people she thought she’d hated, she now loved.  And the people she thought she once loved, she now hated.  Confusing just wasn’t the word of it.  It seemed to her that she was doomed to live her life in bewilderment.  Was it some kind of curse?  Had her Mother leaving started that horrible little ball rolling?  It sure felt like it because not once had she saw her future playing out like this.  Just like she’d never expected to marry George.  When he’d first arrived at school, he’d been interested in Sam not her.  In fact, they’d hardly been friends.  Not until she’d broke down in front of him.  Her feelings had overpowered her, and the poor football player had been there to witness it.  So she’d confessed to him that she was finding it hard to accept her Dad’s union with Josh’s Mom.  She’d explained that even though she knew she didn’t truly love him, it was still hard to be shoved into siblinghood only a short while after they’d had to break up.  It was hard living under the same roof, and hard to see him with Lily.  She hadn’t known why exactly, because she wanted him to be happy and she thought Lily was a nice enough girl.

Brooke wondered if that’s where it had all gotten started.  She mused on her Dad’s relationships.  She remembered, long ago, him telling her that he was going to dinner with Jane.  Brooke only remembered that because she’d panicked about the two of them starting something.  They couldn’t do that, not when she and Sam were involved in one way or another.  Well, they were either involved or feuding with one another.  Either way, it wasn’t a good thought of their parents hooking up.  But that hadn’t how it had turned out.  Mike and Jane were just good friends.  They’d been going out to dinner and that because they’d been supporting one another through single parenthood.  And then Mike had set Jane up with Marc, just before he’d started seeing Josh’s Mom.

George just somehow had gotten close to her.  She’d valued him as a friend, and she’d been well aware of his growing affections for her.  Back then the blonde had hesitated to get involved with anyone.  She’d been too pre-occupied trying to figure out what it was she felt for Sam.  And despite whether they were arguing or not, Brooke knew there was something irresistible about the other girl.  Something she just couldn’t get past.  So she’d kept things simple with George, and let the complications with the other girl continue.  Of course though, then came the day that had changed her life.  The day Nicole Julian got drunk and gotten behind her wheel.  Brooke knew that Nicole knew what she’d been doing.  Just because she’d been drunk didn’t meant she hadn’t meant to mow her down.  Sam had even seen that.  Her former best friend though, unwittingly changed the rest of her life.  Brooke despised her for it, but still she had to wonder what would have happened if Nicole had left things well enough alone.  She wondered what would have happened between Sam and her.  Would they have ended up at the same college after their fallout?  Would she have married George anyway and lived out happily with him without even thinking of having an affair?  Or would Sam still be in the picture?  She had no idea.  And there wasn’t much of a point thinking about it.  What happened had happened.  She’d been hurt, and Sam had been there to see her through.  Displaying the kind of devotion that Brooke had never seen before.  Or since.  Never the less, she’d floated into some sort of denial in college and let herself get involved with George.  Just like Sam had with Harrison.  This was all their fault, and now that it needed to be sorted out she was running scared.

‘’I love you Brooke.’’

Brooke, even in her heavy-duty thinking, hadn’t peeled her eyes away from Sam.  She’d remained staring into them, letting herself be lost in the past.  Maybe she could find an answer there?  Maybe she could find something to help her clear this fog and see what it was she wanted and felt?  After all, the past was where it had all started.  Surly it must have held the answers.  Whether it did or didn’t, she wasn’t sure.  Because her mind came back to the present and she felt Sam’s hand on her face, softly wiping her tears away.  And she whispered now.  Whispered that she loved her again, making sure she was driving that point home.  And again, Brooke felt like her heart wanted to sing.  She felt peaceful and satisfied.  But on the other hand, her heart wanted to break.  It didn’t have an answer for the journalist, and that hurt.  It didn’t have an answer for anything; it only told the lawyer that she was perplexed.

Brooke let Sam brush her lips against hers softly in one simple kiss.  The tenderness of it gave Brooke a little serenity for a second, taking away her tension and pain.  That’s all it took.  For Sam to kiss her once and she felt like she was floating.  She’d never felt anything like it before.  She’d never had such devotion, even from George, than Sam’s.  She’d never been able to talk to anyone like she could Sam.  She never felt so comfortable, or so loved with anyone else but Sam.  No one else had satisfied her in every way.  Yet still, she didn’t have her answer.  Her doubt and her fear of what that answer was refused to budge.  She faced all kinds of people everyday.  Her job was to argue out points of law with people that were older, more experienced and meaner than she was.  Yet she still faced them, and she still used everything she had about her to win.  Why couldn’t she face herself now?

‘’I don’t know how we let things get this far either Sam.  I feel like I fell asleep in the bathtub.  Like suddenly I’ve woken up and the water is so far above my head.  I feel as though I’m a stranger in my own damn life.  You have no idea how much I want to be able to say that I love you back…’’

Exploding into a new batch of tears, Brooke shook as she pulled back slightly and wiped aggressively at her own tears.  Trembling she lifted up her cigarette and inhaled deeply.  She saw how hurt Sam looked.  Like she’d just been slapped in the face.  Like she’d just had a knife driven through her heart.  For a moment she remained that way, just blinking like she’d just been gutted.  Dark chocolate eyes rapidly trying to keep up with what was happening, and what she was thinking.

‘’Then say it Brooke.  Stop thinking about all the shit in your head and say it.  Do you love me?’’

The journalist demanded firmly.  As if it were that easy.  Just push everything out, Brooke really hadn’t thought of that one!  She’d been trying to do that all day.  Probably all these years too.  She’d tried to face herself, face her demons.  But she’d never succeeded.  They always taunted her, keeping anything real just out of her grasp.  The lawyer would swear it was that that was going to kill her one-day.  She’d either go crazy or just down right explode if she didn’t manage to figure her life out.

‘’I don’t fucking know!  Alright?  I don’t know.  I want to.  I want to look past everything in my head and see the truth.  I’ve never felt about anyone else the way I feel about you, okay?  But right now, I can’t swear to you that I’m in love with you Sam.  The last thing I want to do is hurt you, which I know I’ve done.  But I can’t lie.  You were right; we need to be brutally honest.  And the truth of it is I don’t know how I feel.  About you or about George.  And I’m so scared right now, because I know something is going to change.  And I don’t want to loose you.  I don’t want you to hate me I don’t think I could cope with that.  But I…I need more time.  I need to talk to George; I can’t just make a decision without including him.  Like it or not he’s my husband.  He counts.  Just like Harrison counts.  God, these are our friends Sam.  What’ve we been doing to them?  What’ve we been doing to ourselves?’’

Sam wasn’t expecting the sudden outburst from the woman in front of her.  Brooke wasn’t usually the kind of person to just explode in such a way.  Sure, it had been known to happen.  But as a lawyer, she’d been trained not to explode.  To strategically look over the facts and weigh them up properly, then use them.  It was a shame she couldn’t do that now.  Just look over the evidence and all the facts and come to a conclusion.  If feelings only worked that way.  But they didn’t, and Brooke was as confused as hell.  Sam begrudged her understanding about that.  It wasn’t like they’d had the simplest life so far.  She was still a little rough around the edges too.  But it still hurt to hear Brooke say that.  To say that she couldn’t swear that it was love.  Of course it would hurt.

Pushing the lump in her throat down, and refusing to let her eyes glaze more than they already had, Sam leaned forwards and wrapped Brooke up into a hug.  She may have been hurting, and she may have felt the most vulnerable than any other time in her life, but she still couldn’t see Brooke like this.  Fundamentally, beneath anything else, they were friends.  And a good friend couldn’t just watch the other explode like that.  She wanted the blonde to know that she was still there.  Reassure her that it was okay, even though it wasn’t.  Sam wanted an answer, and she wanted the right one.  She didn’t want to include George, or Harrison.  She didn’t want to admit that they counted in this too, and she didn’t want to give Brooke anymore time.  What she wanted was to be with the lawyer.  For her to say she loved her back, and then everything else would fall into place.  She’d break up with Harrison, Brooke would leave George and they could live together happily for the rest of their lives.  That wasn’t going to happen though.  It was never going to happen.  Someone was going to get hurt eventually.  And it was Brooke that was swinging the rock above their heads.  Whether it landed on her or George all depended on whom Brooke really wanted to be with.  And at the moment, it was looking grim for her.

‘’Hey, it’s okay.  I get it Brooke, I do.  You’re not going to loose me okay?  Look, I think we need think about things by ourselves for a while.  And you do need to talk to George, I know you respect him too much not to and so do I.  You have your time Brooke.  Just…don’t think about it as dealing with friends.  Not even me okay?  Don’t think about any of that, or what people will say.  All you need to think about is you.  Just think about what you want, and what will make you happy.  Because at the end of the day, that’s all I want.  I just want you to be happy with whatever decision you make.  Okay?’’

Sniffling constantly as she still trembled, Brooke listened to Sam’s heartening voice.  How could she be so understanding, so compassionate after what she’d just heard?  Then again, that was Sam.  Striving to be the greatest friend she could be.  Brooke wondered how the brunette had things so worked out.  She seemed to calm, like she knew everything.  Was that true?  Did she have everything sorted out in her head?  Or was it an act?  Was she just as frenzied as she?

Either way, those chocolate brown eyes sparkled as they looked into green ones encouragingly.  A small, lop sided smirk graced her lips as she nodded faintly.  The journalist brushed some blonde strands of hair back behind Brooke’s ear as she stared at her.  Sam felt a huge pang of worry settle into her stomach.  Worry and fear.  But not what she’d been feeling before.  No, this was much worse.  She had the worry that this was the last time she’d be able to do this.  Like the rock was seriously hanging over her head and the rope was getting weaker.  It made her feel sick, but she couldn’t show that to Brooke.  She needed to make her own choices, without knowing that if she picked George then it would gut her.  It wasn’t fair to put that kind of pressure on her.  Sam had been honest in saying she just wanted her to be happy.  If that included staying with her husband, then she’d have to accept that. 

 

8:41am

"Sam?"

Harrison John stopped rinsing the shampoo out of his hair as he heard the bathroom door being opened and closed. Turning his head slightly, trying to peer through the frosted and foggy glass, he reasoned that Sam must have gotten home. Failing to see her through the glass of the stand in shower, Harrison assumed that the brunette must have passed through, leaving him to his shower. Grunting lightly, he turned around into the spray again and rubbed his hair to get out the remaining shampoo.

"Hey baby."

Harrison jerked slightly at the unexpected voice. Turning around quickly as his heart raced, his doe brown eyes settled upon his fiancée. He hadn’t even heard Sam open the door to the shower. And come to think of it, now that he was listening properly, he could hear music. So that’s what she’d been doing? The journalist was sneaky, he gave her that. And he wasn’t sure why his heart was racing like it was. It wasn’t like he didn’t know it was Sam.  Who else lived here and stepped into the shower with him?

Letting a smile slide onto his lips as Harrison recovered from his brief shock, he regarded the woman in front of him. The girl he’d never thought he’d get. After she’d turned him down back at Kennedy, he thought he’d never love again, that his life was over, and his heart would bleed forever more. He’d been wrong, on so many levels. Now he had her. He had Sam McPherson. He’d given her that ring on her finger. A promise of marriage. He got to be the man he’d always wanted to be for her.

"Hey, you’re home late."

He observed lightly, raising an eyebrow at the look she was giving him. Harrison had known Sam for a very long time. They’d grown up together, there wasn’t too much he didn’t know about her. Of course, being the kind of woman she was, she still had her mysteries. Harrison didn’t think she’d be complete without them. He knew that he’d never be able to understand Sam completely. He thought that if anyone did, they’d probably lose interest. Sam wasn’t the kind of woman you wanted to know every detail about. She was the kind of woman that you wanted to have an edge, a mystery that was cryptic and enigmatic.  It was partly the reason she had so much charm.

Now though, he wanted to work out what that look was, pooled in her deep, chocolate eyes. She’d never regarded him with such a look before. He’d never seen such a well of peculiar emotions open for him to see like that. And he certainly didn’t know what was causing them. Given that Sam was one to keep her air of mystery, he doubted that she would give him much of a chance to find out. If it were anything overwhelming to her, she’d probably have told him after he’d finished showering. Or, if it were anything bad he’d know it by now. So, the nurse wasn’t too worried about it.

Sam felt so awake. So hyper-aware of everything running through her. Including the pain, both physical and emotional. The day had been a complete roller coaster ride. And it had started out like any normal day. She’d woken up early to find Harrison sleeping heavily after a night shift at the hospital. She’d been careful not to wake him as she’d slipped out of bed. She knew that it was the first day she’d been able to see Brooke again, so wanting to clear her mind, she’d gone for a run. If only she’d known then what she knew now. The elevator, the security camera. Nate. And then everything else too. The talk, the bar, the next talk. It felt like her roller coaster was plummeting towards the ground without any sign of stopping.

Pushing everything down into the bottom of her stomach, Sam battled to feel indifferent about it all. Just shove it all away so she didn’t have to think about anything. She’d left Brooke’s house with one thought in her mind; the lawyer was going to stay with George. Sam didn’t know how she knew, but she did. Somewhere deep inside of her Brooke loved George. What they had been doing was the confusing part. It hurt like hell, and the journalist didn’t think she could take much more of it. That’s why she was trying to make herself numb. To lose herself in something so she didn’t have to think. And the perfect way to do that seemed to be right in front of her. Harrison. Again she realised that she’d be using him, turning into her safety net as always, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. Why she couldn’t go to bed and not think about it she didn’t know. All she knew was she was zeroing in on Harrison, and he hadn’t the faintest idea why.

"I’m here now."

Shrugging lightly, Sam didn’t give her fiancé any kind of explanation. It wasn’t as if he was going to think about it. If anything did wander across his mind about it, inevitably he’d just put it aside because she was after all a journalist with a demanding time schedule. She was a perfectionist when it came to her work, and she worked any hours she needed to get things done. He’d known that for years, so he never questioned anything. It was the greatest scapegoat sometimes. When Sam hadn’t managed to get home when she had been somewhere with Brooke, her work just covered for that. Just like it was doing now.

Harrison just looked at the dark brunette, still trying to figure out what was twisting within her eyes. But from the walls he could visibly see, he seriously doubted he’d find out. So he didn’t push it, nor did he want to. The conversation would only lead to questions and frustration and perhaps an argument. Complications he didn’t really want to go into right now. Instead, he just watched her eyes glaze over with something else as she took the couple of steps to come up close to him. He gazed down at her, regarding her curiously.

"What’re you doing?"

He wondered with every ounce of innocence he’d carried about with him in school. Innocence that he had tried so hard to shed, but sometimes it came sneaking back upon him. That naivety running through him as Sam approached him properly now. The nurse stood still as she slipped an arm around his neck, pulling him closer and closer to her. So close that Harrison doubted that even a trickle of water could pass between them. He could feel her pressing against him, so soft and tempting. He could feel her breath against his skin, her lips brushed by his ear.

"Fucking my fiancé."

Harrison knew exactly what Sam was doing. Even if she didn’t realise that he did. There were certain times that his brunette fiancé would say and do things like this. And those were the times when she wanted something forgotten, or she was pushing something so far from her mind that she needed such an extreme distraction. The nurse wasn’t as naïve as he’d have her think. However, that wasn’t to say that he’d refuse her. Throughout the time that the pair of them had been dating, Harrison hadn’t turned Sam away yet. At first he hadn’t even realised what it was she was doing. He’d just been turned on because he thought it was the hottest thing ever. His scorching hot girlfriend taking complete control, who would want to say no to that? If she chose to vent her problems out with sex then who was he to argue? Harrison had become a willing participant. Really, he knew he should have slowed her down, gotten her to open up. But when someone like Sam did the things she could do to you, there wasn’t much of an opportunity. And really, he didn’t want her to stop. There should have been a pang of guilt running through him for that, but there wasn’t. He should’ve felt bad for pandering to her rather than getting her to open up. Still, he didn’t. Instead, he allowed her to play her games. Just like he was doing now.

Harrison felt his arms moving, his hands running along smooth wet skin as he ran them down her back. From leaning just over her shoulder, he caught glimpse of the tattoo on the small of her back. Some tribal thing that he had no idea about. Or it could’ve been Egyptian, he really didn’t know. All he knew was that Sam was into that stuff, she liked to read about it all and he really didn’t understand it or wanted to for that matter. His simple line of thinking was that she looked hot with them.

Pushing her to the wall of the shower Harrison leaned on the journalist heavily. She laughed lightly at his turn of control, and at how quickly she’d been able to work him up. She couldn’t help but acknowledge how easy he was. How she could just subdue him into doing anything she wanted him to. Maybe that’s why she’d used him as her safety net for so long? He didn’t ask too many questions, and when she needed to do things like this he certainly didn’t ask any questions. Sam knew Harrison better than he thought. She knew how to play him, and she knew how to make him think he knew things she didn’t. In reality, Sam knew about everything. Again though, it could make it easier to hide in him. She loved him, she did. It wasn’t a question of that. Sam had loved, and would love Harrison forever. She just wasn’t ‘’in-love’’ with him.  Like she’d mused before, there had been one point in her life when she thought she had been. When things between them had been so good. She’d been swept away with it all, surprised that she could feel like that about him. In a way, Sam wished that she could feel that again. Wondered if she could, then would things be different? It was doubtful, but she could still wonder.

Sam felt Harrison’s hands move lower and lower, until they were just below her ass. In one strong swoop, the nurse managed to lift her up until she was exactly where he needed her to be. As if she knew his plan, he felt her legs wrap around him quickly before he slipped himself into her slowly. Her body lurched against him as he did, and he heard her groan softly by his ear as her hand tightened around his neck. Her other hand reached out for something to hold onto tightly as he began to rock into her, setting a heavy rhythm. She felt tight around him and he knew he was already seeing stars. This is why he couldn’t possibly reject her. She was too good, and he knew he was far too weak with her.

Ducking his head a little, Harrison began to lick, kiss and nip against his lover’s neck and shoulder. The move gained another soft groan from her, telling him that he was doing something right. He felt her legs tighten around his ass, adding to the friction of rocking between them. Her head rolled back slightly, leaning against the wall and leaving her neck exposed to the nurse. He seized his opportunity, taking his ministrations to the front of her throat. Then, sliding a hand up her wet skin he cupped and squeezed one of her breasts tightly, again eliciting another groan from the brunette. He felt her tighten around him even more, making him groan too. Her movements made him feel like his head was spinning, they always did. It felt like his blood was rushing out of his head and he could see the stars. The feeling was outstanding, and it was something he could never get tired of.

They both heard the clatter of bottles as Sam lost her grip for a moment, her hand hitting the shelf of shower stuffs. They bounced on the floor around them, landing in the bottom of the shower where the water was being drained out. They didn’t pay much attention though. Both lost in the waves of impending orgasm. A sexually fuelled atmosphere charge around them, and both of them new this was just the start of a long night. Sam needed to work something out of her head, and Harrison was all too happy to oblige being her sex slave.

Gaining her grip once again, Sam held on tightly. She could feel that familiar sensation welling up around her, telling her that she was coming up to letting go. She could tell Harrison was near too. So she went for a last ditch effort, wriggling against him as she tightened up even still. And she couldn’t help but smile devilishly as the nurse groaned as he leaned against her heavily as he reached his peak. With long, thrusting shudders he cam into her, breathing heavily by her neck. At the movements, he brought Sam along with him, both taking the ride of orgasm together. Nothing else seemed to register to them as the sensations washed over them both. Taking them sternly and ripping through their bodies. So they just remained how they were for a moment, both panting against one another, tightly wrapped in one another’s embrace. The couple were under the hot spray of the shower, but they hardly noticed.

"I erm…I hope you weren’t expecting to get any sleep tonight?"

It was Sam that broke the silence, her voice low and quivering. Barely above a whisper actually, because she wasn’t sure if it would hold at a normal level. Her dark chocolate eyes scanned the area of the shower before moving to look at Harrison. She could tell by his face that he’d expected as much. But from the glint deep within his eyes, Harrison wasn’t going to put up a fight.

 

Tuesday

12:06am

Brooke couldn’t help but smile faintly as she felt her hair being played with gently. The sensation felt nice, felt comforting, and it began to pull her out of her dream state. Slowly but surely, the lawyer began to realise that she had indeed been sleeping. Now though, she was only alert enough to feel certain things. Her hair being played with for one thing. The fact that she was laid out in bed, warm and comfortable. The only other thing she could make out was the weight next to her. Pressing the bed space next to her down, indicating to her that someone sat there.

At that, the twenty-six year old woman smiled. Her dreams had been good to her tonight. Taking her to the distant lands she’d always been fascinated by. Like a bird, soaring high above it all with the perfect view. Every detail was elaborate and wonderful. Sensations of peace and contentment flowed through her pleasurably. Everything told her that things would be okay. That she was happy, and free. The trees had whispered secrets in her ears, and she tried to remember a song that had been playing throughout. A distant, haunting voice with words full of power. She wanted to know what that glorious song was, but she could only hear echoes of it right now. What she did remember though, was landing upon the shores of one particular land. Bali. Her flight had taken her to a secluded shore, a beautiful patch of land. Again, her dreams had been full of vibrant detail. Including the dream Sam that had been there too. Inviting her to stay with her there, where they could live out happily. And that song had been playing too. What had it been?

"Sam?"

The lawyers sleepy, air light voice floated into the silent room happily. Still half trapped in her dreamland, Brooke wondered if Sam could actually be there. Wondered if the body sitting besides her was Sam, because it wasn’t a dream she was having. Maybe they were really in Bali? And the rest of it was the dream? Living a lie, trying to choose, maybe that was all the dream? It could happen, people had vivid dreams all the time. Why not that?

"Sam?"

Brooke felt one of her eyes open now, as if she’d been shattered out of her dreamy state. And she had. But it couldn’t be, could it? He wasn’t due back until…well it would be tomorrow now it was after midnight. What the hell was he doing here? Did he know? Had he somehow worked everything out and come home to confront her? And if he hadn’t, she’d just mumbled Sam’s name out in bed. As if she’d expected it to be her. How was she supposed to explain that?

Turning around mutely for the moment, as her throat burnt dry, Brooke’s surprised green eyes landed upon her husband. The football player was indeed sitting on his side of the bed, already in shorts and a t-shirt ready to get in. How long had he been here? Had he been lurking in the house when Sam was here? Brooke hadn’t even had the mind to even think of the notion. What if he had overheard? Would he wait this long to say something? Would he looked so calm as he did now? Although, there was confusion surrounding his face right now. Dark brown eyes were innocently trying to work out why his wife would expect her best friend to be there rather than him.

"I…George…yeah. Erm…We had a girl’s night, she must’ve gone. What’re…what’re you doing here?"

Gaining some control over herself instead of gawking at him as if she was the guiltiest person alive, Brooke cleared her throat and made the excuse as casually as she could. It wasn’t a totally unbelievable notion. She and Sam had had girly nights before. The real kind, not the excuse ones to be together. And in George’s mind, it was a fair assumption to come to. He always felt guilty for going on trips leaving Brooke alone in the house. Thought she got lonely. So of course, her friends would stay over or visit. And her friends, his friends, included Sam.

Smiling brightly, George just smoothed over some mussed up blonde strands. He couldn’t help but laugh inwardly at her sleepy state. She was so adorable. Big green eyes looked up at him sleepily, and her face wasn’t fully awake to make expressions yet, and it was framed by messy sleep hair. He didn’t think Brooke could look any cuter. He loved watching her sleep, or just lying with her when she first woke up. She always seemed so innocent and sweet in that state. Not that he didn’t think she was normally; just even more so like this. They’d had the most ludicrous conversations together after waking up. Quiet, warm and comfortable. He loved those, even though the topics were silly. He guessed that’s why he liked them. They laughed about silly little things that they wouldn’t even really think of talking about otherwise. Like the habits of Mr. Watson’s smelly old cat, and daft things of the like.

George took in a deep breath as he looked around his bedroom, then back down at his picturesque wife. He was so glad to be home. It was true what they said he thought, that there was no place like home. He’d pushed on with his meetings, trying to get through them as fast as humanly possible. All in the urge to get home to Brooke. He hated business trips, or games played away. He liked it here, where everything was familiar and safe to him. Where he could be with the girl he’d married, and with his friends and family too. He was proud to admit he was a family man. The other guys on the team teased him a little over it, saying that he was young, rich and sought after and shouldn’t be willing to settle down. But, George knew he didn’t work like that. He never had. To him, he had his sights set and they were enough for him. It might have been boring to some, but he was happy. He had a gorgeous wife, something that the team couldn’t deny and admitted they saw the attraction to be married when it was her wearing the ring! He had good friends, a good family. His parents were proud of him, and he enjoyed his career. And of course, he wanted a family. Those were the real things in life to him.

"I sorta live here babe!"

The football player quipped, grinning still as he got into bed quickly. It had been a long trip. Full of tedious meetings, offers and almost downright bribery. He’d met a hoard of people, a hoard of fans and done a hoard of interviews. So after that, all he wanted to do was cuddle up to Brooke and have a long, comfortable sleep. He’d never been able to adjust properly to strange beds, or strange beds without Brooke. He liked falling asleep wrapped up with her, and he liked waking up that way too. Sleep any other way seemed somewhat off.

Brooke found herself smiling lightly, rolling her eyes at his answer. George had always had a quirky sense of humour, and he liked to tease her sometimes. Granted, it had been a rather stupid question. He did, after all, live here. Maybe she should have phrased it another way. Like ‘how come you’re home early’ or something like that. Then she wouldn’t have left herself open for teasing. And, he would’ve given her an explanation. She’d know why he was here and wouldn’t need to worry about anything. Like if he’d suddenly found out about Sam. From his actions, and his mood, she could tell that he was still clueless. Still innocently thinking that he had the best wife in the world and they were both blissfully happy with their marriage and nothing was creeping in between them. It was awful; she wished he didn’t think that. Wished that he weren’t so hopelessly in love with her. But he was, he loved her more than anything. He’d always stood up for her, tried his best for her. Yet, she was involved with someone else.

"Ya, funny! I meant you’re not due home until tomorrow, what changed?"

Brooke didn’t resist as George made himself comfortable and then pulled her closer to him. Instead, she just draped herself around him, resting her head onto his shoulder snugly. She felt his arms wrap around her, a hand moving up to play with the ends of her hair again. George had a small fascination with her hair. Come to think about it, so did Sam. Both liked to play with it, run their fingers through it. Sam said that it was like playing with silk, and it gave her a peaceful feeling. George said he liked to play with it when he was thinking, or daydreaming because it grounded him.

"I pushed through the meetings. They offered me a place in Chicago, but I said no."

Now, Brooke wasn’t stupid. She may not have known every detail of the sport but she knew that Chicago was a damn good opportunity. And she already knew the reason that George had turned them down. Her. Their life here. The life that they’d built together. He knew she’d be reluctant to leave that. Leave everybody in their life, so he’d simply said no. Again, it led her heart in two different directions. She was happy because he’d done that for her. She was delighted to have a husband that thought so much of her that he’d sacrifice his own career to stay with her. She wanted to squeal a huge thank you to him, to show him how much she appreciated that. Just wanted to show him in any way possible really. But she didn’t. Because the other half of her heart was sinking. It made it harder. Put an extra layer of guilt onto the limitless amount she’d already stored up. He’d said no for her. A wife that was cheating on him, and trying to decide who she loved the most, him or her mistress. She was thinking of leaving him, and he’d turned down a golden opportunity. Brooke knew she was conflicted about who and what she really wanted, but she was getting to the point where she thought stopping both relationships would be better than nothing. Until she came up with some kind of answer, not just about them but of herself too, then maybe she should? Be on her own, take the time to really find herself?

"George…are you sure about that?"

The question just seemed to drop out of her mouth without a request to be spoken. The lawyer didn’t know why she’d asked really. Was she so overwhelmed that she wanted to think about it twice, because she loved him? Or had she asked to put doubt in his mind? A doubt that would lead to him changing his mind so then he’d have to leave? That was a cruel thought. Surely, she couldn’t be so callous? Making him leave so she could say she couldn’t leave with him? But she’d asked, and there was no taking it back.

Looking up after she didn’t gain a response, Brooke took in her husbands sleeping face. He looked so content now that he was here. Like somewhere in there, he knew he was home and she was there with him. He didn’t seem regretful about his choice, or he wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep so quickly. He was completely unaware to anything going on around him, to what she was thinking. One way or another, Brooke knew she had to make her choice. And suddenly, she found herself so very awake.


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