The Spirit Room
by Erin Griffin
Rating: NC-17 (What?! Erin wrote a sex scene?! Quick! Look out the window for some flying pigs! Hey Satan- not you, Nicole-, is that a winter coat I see you sporting?)
Fandom: Popular/Smallville crossover (plus a very slight Gilmore Girls crossover. I don't name names, but see if you can spot it.)
Pairing: Sam McPherson/Chloe Sullivan
Summary: Back before there was Smallville for Chloe, and back before Sam's family became extended, there was a summer camp in Oregon where they found and lost love. With the help of friends, they find it again.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Popular or Smallville. I take that back, I have a Smallville poster that I got for free a long time ago when the show was first on, and it doesn't even have Chloe on it. I also don't own any rights to Michelle Branch or 'The Spirit Room', though I have the CD and love it.
Author's Note: I don't know much about Popular, and the creators of the show may or may not have gone into some of Sam's past, but let's just say that whatever doesn't fit is AU. This story takes place in 2003, when Chloe is sixteen, and I know that Sam would have already graduated high school by then, but that is where all the AU-iness comes into play. All song lyrics are from the songs on Michelle Branch's 'The Spirit Room', so all rights go to her. Oh, and enjoy the story.
Part One: Photos In The Attic
"She puts on her makeup; the same way she did yesterday; hoping everything's the same, but everything has changed..."
-Something To Sleep To
One would have thought that an attic in a house as new as the McQueen/McPherson residence wouldn't carry as much dust as, say, an old Victorian, yet still a sneeze echoed through the almost empty room. There were mostly old pictures of her grandparents, and a dress or two that belonged to her grandmother, but what she was looking for was a book her stepsister claimed she could borrow if she fished it from the attic. "Nice security system, Sam," Brook McQueen muttered after she'd almost tripped over a box with the grim warning 'Sam's stuff, Brook: Touch it and Die' drawn in blocked letters. Carefully, she opened the box despite the warning, and peered inside. Bingo. It was a box of books, but really, it was no big accomplishment, as Sam had entered the Palace with six boxes filled with books and was only able to shelve two. Two neat rows of classics stared up at her.
Something caught Brook's eye as she scanned the two rows of books for a title she needed. There was a gap between 'Les' Miserable' and 'Macbeth', and the blonde reached in and came up with a framed picture. There was a blonde girl in it next to a younger version of her stepsister, but Brook had never seen this girl before, not even in school. This blonde had shoulder length hair, a gapped smile, and a skinny frame that even Brook would have called unhealthy even though she looked just fine. In fact, she was laughing with the brunette holding a clipboard to her chest. Sure, the brunette LOOKED like Sam, but to the best of Brook's knowledge, Sam hadn't the capability of smiling so widely. In fact, Brook was sure she had never seen a true smile from her, ever. She became very curious about the girl, the other blonde. Who was she? What had she said or done to make Sam smile so widely? Why was she important enough to be framed? Most importantly, what HAPPENED to her? Was she dead? Why hadn't Sam put this picture with the rest of the framed pictures on her computer desk?
Her search for the book forgotten, Brook decided to go straight to the source. She dusted off her jeans, walked to her stepsister's room, and knocked on the door. The rapid typing stopped, then there was a quick reply. "Come on in."
"Hey," Brook greeted.
"Hey, find what you were looking for?" 'Sounds like she's in a good mood...' Brook thought.
"Well, no, but I found this." Brook took a few steps into the room and handed the picture to Sam, who froze. Slowly, the cheerleader watched as her stepsister grabbed the framed picture and delicately traced the blonde's face with her index finger as if it was so fragile it would break if she left a finger print. Brook expected a question of where she got the picture, or maybe even an angry voice telling her to put it back right that instant. What she got instead was a small squeak of a voice.
"Well, I think," Sam put a thumb to her lip as she paused while she stared at the picture, then moved it long enough to continue, "I-I think the book 'Where the Heart Is'... I think I put it in the box with 'Anne of Green Gables' and the first 'Harry Potter' book... I'm pretty sure it is in the box under the one this came from."
"Sam, who is she?"
"No one, Brook."
"She's framed. Who was she?"
"Don't worry about it, and there's no 'was'. She didn't die, Brook." Sam looked horrified at the thought of the girl dying, but Brook was at least sure of the answer to one of her questions about the girl. "Could you put it back please, and be careful." Brook nodded and left, not wanting to push too hard, which she knew from experience would make Sam clam up more, and nothing would get accomplished. She was more surprised about the fact that Sam was too shaken up to yell at her.
"Whoever you are," Brook murmured to the picture right before putting it back between the books she'd taken it from, "you're important enough to be framed, but hurtful enough to be locked away. But why?" Carefully, Brook moved the box so she could get to the box underneath it. 'Where The Heart Is' was the first book she saw and she grabbed it, taking one last look at the box the picture was in before she left the attic once more. On her life, Brook would have sworn she'd planned to leave the topic of the blonde girl alone. That was before she saw the state her stepsister was in when she went back to her room to thank her for letting her borrow the book. Hunched over her keyboard was Sam, one whole hand covering her face. Brook hurried to her side and pulled her into a hug even though Sam tried to move away. "I'm sorry, Sam- I really am. I didn't mean to hurt you with that picture. She meant something to you, that much is clear, but I shouldn't have pushed it."
"It's not your fault, Brook. You didn't know. I hurt myself." This statement surprised the cheerleader.
"Sam, talk to me about her. Please, who was she- IS she?"
"Sam pulled away and wiped her tears on the sleeve of her red long sleeved shirt, studying Brook for anything she should be suspicious of, but Brook was genuinely concerned. "She was my soul mate, Brook," was all she said, and the blonde wasn't surprised by the answer, exactly. She knew that the girl meant something to Sam, and it wasn't really a huge secret that Sam liked girls, as that had been in the rumour mill since grade school; Sam just didn't know or care about them. What had surprised Brook was the word 'soul mate', or rather, the way it was said, as if it would always be true even if she used 'was' as the adjective.
"Tell me about her?" Brook asked hopefully, and Sam looked away.
"The summer after the seventh grade, Mom sent me to camp in Oregon. I didn't want to go, not even after she told me it was a camp for young writers. All I could think of was that my mother wanted to get rid of me, and I had no choice in the matter. My dad hadn't been gone too long, and I didn't need much of n excuse to feel lonely or hurt." As Sam spoke, Brook took the two pillows off of the brunette's bed and sat on the floor, handing one to Sam. Both girls hugged the pillow to their chests. Brook leaned against Sam's bed and sighed.
"Go on," she said and Sam looked at Brook's side before swallowing.
"There were all sorts of writing classes going on, and you picked the top three you wanted to study before they put you into a cabin, and I picked creative writing, poetry and journalism. I'm not sure why they chose to split us up that way. I guess what you picked said something about personality or something, but I doubt it. I think Chloe's aunt chose for her, and she was stuck in the cabin of creative writing, whereas I had to be in the cabin with those who wanted journalistic type of writing. Chloe Sullivan was so pissed, and I would always see her in the first week pleading to be switched. She wanted to be in the journalism cabin.
"Then something happened, she found out about a camp councilor and a camper having an affair. She caught them in the act, and she was put into the journalist cabin. She slept in the bunk directly across the room from me, and kept to herself, as I did at the time. This camp did all the usual camp things too, like horse back riding, arts and crafts, hiking, camp outs- you name it, but a lot of it was about writing. One day, about the middle of the third week, there was a camp fire, and I hated it. Stupid songs and ghost stories that scared no one, so I snuck off to look at the stars and to think about my dad. His death was still a fresh memory then. Chloe saw me leave and followed me. We got to talking and we had so much in common. We became friends after that, swapping music and clothes on the occasion."
"How did you find out you were more than friends?" Brook, who was listening to the story as if she was a child waiting for the happily ever after, asked in a soft voice.
"We'd continued to sneak off during the campfires. I'm sure someone caught on after the second or third time, I mean, not everyone there was as stupid as they looked. They must not have cared since we were both girls and were not going off to have sex- and before you ask, no, we never did. Camp was never the time or place for it even if we DID know what we were doing. Anyway... I told her one night when the moon was almost full that I liked when she used me as a pillow as we watched the sky. She told me that she felt safe with me when she did. I told her-" Sam let out a small laugh, "heh, that I felt strange around her, like my heart would jump from my chest-"
"Aw," Brook said, and Sam glared at her as if she didn't want comments from the peanut gallery.
"She said she felt the same way, but she didn't think she could feel that way for a girl. I kissed her that night and she became my girlfriend, I guess. No one knew about it, though. If they had known, they would have separated us, and we didn't want that. So we spent the rest of that summer together and even made plans to stay together as we grew up. The summer ended, and Chloe's dad came to get her before my mom got me, and I cried the whole way home, though my mom didn't know why. She probably thought I missed camp, but I only missed Chloe. School started up again, and that was when I started to hear the rumours about me. Apparently, they had been circling around the elementary school and middle school for a couple of years. I just didn't know about them. They called me names that I didn't like and it really bothered me."
"Since when do you care what people thought about you?" Sam gave Brook another glare, knowing that it didn't effect the blonde. She did everything to keep her lip from quivering.
"I don't. But I did then. I had a guilty conscious after that summer or something, but I didn't want to be a freak... a dyke. So I stopped writing to Chloe, even though that was all I wanted to do. I know it hurt her. It hurt me, but I never wrote or spoke to her and I hated myself. I realized that I let people who didn't matter to me drive away the one person besides my mom that did. By the time I realized that, the eighth grade was almost over. I was so happy when my mother told me that she was sending me back to camp. I made sure I got in the same cabin, because other than being with Chloe, I did kind of like journalism." Sam looked down at Brook on the floor and the blonde saw a tear fall. "She wasn't there. I waited for her, but she didn't come. I knew my mother wouldn't let me go home since I wanted to go so badly, so I acted out so that they would kick me out of camp. It took me about a week, since the camp councilors were being nice and giving me chances, but then they had no choice. So... There, I told you everything." Brook was silent for a moment, disappointed that the story ended the way it had, with Sam still hurting as if it all happened yesterday.
"Okay. Thank you," said Brook, who knew a dismissal when she heard one, especially from Sam. She got up and put the pillow back on Sam's bed, then walked to the door. "If you need to talk some more, you know where to find me, Sam."
"Thanks, and Brook?" The blonde turned to her stepsister. "No one else knows."
"And no one will. I'll let you get back to working on... whatever it was you were working on." Sam smiled weakly, and both women knew she wasn't going to work anymore. Brook went back to her room, but itched to go back to the attic for more clues on Chloe Sullivan, even though Sam had told her everything, or at least she hoped Sam had told her everything. She decided against it, since it was an invasion of privacy. She went to work on her book report, which was what she was originally supposed to be doing, a task that had brought her to Sam's box of books in the first place. Still, she couldn't stop thinking about how different the Sam in that picture was compared to the one she hated at first, then reluctantly liked. Her story was sort of sad, and even if her stepsister was to blame, she obviously regretted it. Maybe it could be fixed, Brook thought suddenly. "Or not. I mean, if it could, it would have been by now, right?" Brook lay on her back on her bed and opened 'Where The Heart Is'. Less than half a minute later, she sat up again, snapping the book shut with her left hand. "But Chloe seemed like a tough cookie. If Chloe is even half as stubborn as Sam, then she must've been waiting for Sam to call or write to apologize first, when Sam over here has been feeling too sorry for herself to realize that maybe not all is lost. Cool, I'm going to get them to talk to each other somehow. I'll find out where Chloe lives, and call her. There can't be that many Chloe Sullivans in the world, can there?" Brook thought about this for a second, then frowned. "Stop talking to yourself," she scolded. She stood up and left her room again, the book report completely forgotten.
Part Two: California Ringing
"Feels like I'm starting all over again; the last three years just pretend."
-Goodbye To You
Lana Lang stared intently at the china cup in her left hand as she willed the dried tea leaves at the bottom to come off with her right. If Chloe hadn't done the dishes for her when it wasn't her turn so many times, Lana would have mentally groaned repeatedly at the stack she had to do. For the past month, there had always been something at the Talon or in her life that, well made it so she just couldn't do them. Keeping her mind on the fact that Chloe had filled in for her without being asked made doing the chore bearable. The cordless phone on its stand started to ring, and Lana reached over to answer it, secretly grateful for the short break. "Hello?"
"Please tell me this is the Sullivan residence." Lana frowned.
"May I ask who's calling?"
"This is Brook McQueen. Sorry. I've just been looking everywhere for this Chloe Sullivan, and I've called three numbers in Smallville alone. Does she live here? I really need to talk to her." Lana thought about the name. No one in Smallville had the last name McQueen, and she wondered if perhaps Brook was a contact in Metropolis for the Torch. When the brunette asked that, the voice on the phone said, "No, I'm a friend of a friend."
"Which friend?"
"What am I, a criminal? It's really important that I speak to Chloe Sullivan and my father will kill me as it is for the long distance charges I'm wracking up. Is she even there?"
"Did your mutual friend die?"
"No, but it's still important that I talk to her," Brook repeated. Lana sighed and walked to Chloe's room. She heard the rapid typing, which meant she was working on an article for the Torch or maybe on a blog, and Lana didn't want to interrupt either or it would get ugly. She knocked softly on the door, hoping Chloe would still hear her. She heard the short command for her to enter.
"I know you're busy-"
"I'm never too busy to chat or hang out with you, you know that," Chloe said, not liking the slightly timid voice Lana used to talk to her.
"Right. Thank you. Anyway," Lana covered the mouth piece of the phone. "There's a Brook McQueen on the phone for you. She says she's a friend of a friend and that it's important, but she won't tell me who that mutual friend is." Chloe smiled.
"It's just a phone call. It's harmless, surely?"
"But she's been looking for you. From the sounds of it, she's been looking for you for a while. She's been calling around Smallville for you, and I don't like the sound of that. And don't call me Shirley." Lana still handed Chloe the phone and the journalist put a hand on the brunette's shoulder.
"I'm sure it's fine. Hello?" she greeted into the phone.
"Chloe Sullivan?" Lana backed out of the room and went back to the dishes.
"Yes, this is her."
"You're like my age right? You're not ninety or four or a guy or dead, right?"
"Very much alive and I had my sex change operation last year, so no, not a guy."
"Funny."
"I'm sixteen, why? How old are you?"
"Eighteen. Look, I'm sorry if I wasn't very nice to that girl, but she was giving me the third degree, and I wasn't even sure I got the right Chloe Sullivan. There are a lot more out there than I had imagined."
"Yeah, I should say sorry for the good cop, bad cop routine, but Lana and I've had some nutty people in our lives, and she just wanted to make sure you're not another one. She was just being the good friend she is. So, uh, what can I do for you?" Chloe asked lightly, changing the subject to the 'important' reason for the stranger's phone call.
"Right, well, I'm calling about Sam McPherson. Do you remember her?" At the name, Chloe froze. Did she remember her? How could Chloe forget? Samantha McPherson was the main reason why there was so much Clark Kent drama in her life, but she wasn't about to go into that with the girl on the phone.
"I don't know anyone named Sam McPherson. Sorry, you must have gotten the wrong Chloe Sullivan again," Chloe lied, but Brook knew from the hesitation and the waver in Chloe's voice that she was lying. 'They must be soul mates,' Brook thought. 'They're both so easy to clam up.' Before Chloe could completely dismiss her, Brook hurried to say what she'd needed to say.
"I think we both know that Sam is a pretty private person. I didn't even know about you until I found a picture of the two of you in the attic. When she saw it, I could tell you were still a part of her. She told me to put the picture back, but when I went to her room again, Sam was crying. It was then she told me about you. She hadn't told anyone else all this time, so she's been suffering in silence."
"No one here knows about her, either, though if Lana continues to ask questions, she might. But that's neither here nor there. Brook, right?"
"Eh- right."
"Right, Brook, I think it's cool that you try and do this for Sam. Show's you are a good friend."
"We've had our ups and downs as stepsisters, but when push comes to shove, she's always been there for me."
"That's great, it really is, but I've spent... so much time trying to get over her-"
"Do you still love her?" Brook asked. "She still loves you, Chloe."
"Sam is my past."
"Do you still love her?" Brook asked again.
"It's over. Please don't tell Sam that you've called me. Knowing her, she won't be happy about it, and I don't want you fighting over this." There was a short pause between them. "In the nicest way possible, I'm also going to have to ask you not to contact me again." Brook knew not to argue and backed down.
"Okay. I'm sorry I bothered you. Goodbye."
"Bye." Chloe pressed the button to end the conversation and set the cordless phone in her lap. Brook's repeated question stayed in her head for a good few minutes before she saw Lana standing in the doorway.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah."
"You sure? Who's Sam McPherson?" At Chloe's look, Lana shrunk back a little bit. "Yes," she admitted guiltily, "I eavesdropped."
"Sam was just a girl from camp I knew." Lana saw the look on Chloe's face, and though the two hadn't been friends a whole long time, the brunette knew when Chloe wasn't completely telling the truth.
"Was she more than that to you? Chloe, if she was, I won't out you." The blonde sighed a long sigh, then motioned for Lana to enter the room.
"Close the door, please." Chloe said (even though they were the only ones in the house then), and Lana didn't need to be asked twice. She was eager to know the story of the girl Chloe was in love with. In the past, because of the things her friend sometimes said, Lana thought there might have been one, and now she knew by the way she acted that there had been, and possibly only the one. "The summer before I moved to Smallville, I was acting out a lot. I was- frankly- a brat. Had to have my way or I would sneak around and find a way to get it anyway. Luckily for my dad and my aunt, all I really wanted then was to be left alone to read. I loved Nancy Drew, and spent my allowances buying those books. I didn't do much homework or anything like that, and with thousands of students in the elementary schools I went to in Metropolis, they shrugged their shoulders and slid me along to the next grade. My aunt and my dad were sick of it, and figured going to a camp for writers would make me more enthusiastic for school. My aunt, thinking I read through Nancy Drew books because of the mystery, thought creative writing and poetry writing was the best for me, but I liked the way she got through the mystery. It was because of those books that I wanted to be the dirty rat crawling through sewers to get to the bottom of everything... but it was too late. In camp, they put me in with the people in creative writing, and I didn't like that.
"They met myself and a couple of other campers from around the U.S in various meet-up spots, packed us all into a large painted bus, and off we went to The Middle of Nowhere Oregon. In the bus, Sam sat across the isle from me, scribbling out the best she could in a bumpy bus on a clipboard. I knew then that there was something about her that I wanted to uncover. Don't look at me like that. I didn't mean pervertedly, Lana. She was a loner, and not in that 'look at me, I'm all alone' sort of way I'd seen people at school act. She genuinely didn't seem to care. It was like the world had already chewed her up and spat her out, you know? As if nothing that was said or done to her could be worse than what she had already gone through. It fascinated me. She was a mystery to me, and I wanted to solve it, starting with what she was writing. I didn't know how to go about talking to her though, so I kept to myself as well, rereading my favorite mystery over again.
"I hated my cabin mates, and I think I hated my councilor more. They had councilors and the councilor's assistants, who were just eighteen year olds who learned CPR and child training in the course of a week. It was an easy job with free room and board. I think I hated them the most. Even though I knew for a fact that I could have switched with a girl in journalism who was in the same boat as I was in- she didn't even like journalism and had a large volume of poetry that she carried around with her some days- they still wouldn't let us. So I spent my free time that first week sulking and later exploring. Every time I saw Sam, she had that clipboard with about ten sheets of paper that she would refill every couple of hours. Near the end of that first week, I was sitting near the mess hall on our free hour watching Sam write. She had this habit of sticking her tongue in her cheek when she got stuck on something, and I thought it was, um, interesting." Lana smirked, and Chloe rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I started hearing sounds, and I went to investigate. I found a councilor's assistant and a counselor going at it, and to keep me quiet, the councilor pulled strings to get that girl and me switched like we had wanted. I was happy to see that the girl had her bunk directly across the room from Sam's.
"One night during a campfire, I watched Sam writing in the firelight and I thought she looked like a wingless fairy, and before I could really hold on to that thought or get lost in some weird mystery fantasy of her being from a village of fairies- being cursed as a human and very homesick for her family- she had gotten up and she snuck away. I seemed to be the only one who even saw her leave. In my mind, I kept asking how anyone could not notice a presence like Sam's missing from the group. I guess I was in love with her before I even understood what those odd thoughts I had meant. She thought I was going to tell on her for sneaking off, but I told her that I just wanted to see the stars better. I told her that I felt lonely and insignificant under the stars, and she said nothing much. A grunt here and there to show that she was listening, but after that, she started talking to me and eating with me in the mess hall. I think she considered me a friend, and I am not sure when we'd become more than that. I remember once when we'd snuck off that I had used her as a pillow, and she said she liked the feel of my weight on her, and I told her that I liked using her as a pillow. She made me feel safe, and I told her that. Then she kissed me. It was my first kiss- the best by far. We were happy together, I think. I mean, I didn't see as much of the lost soul I saw in Sam at first, and I found out the reason she looked that way to begin with. Her father had died earlier that year and she felt unwanted because her mother had sent her away to the camp.
"Then... camp was suddenly over. We exchanged addresses, made plans to keep in touch and to somehow make it back to camp the next year. I watched Sam's face disappear in the rear view mirrors, but she kept her promise for close to a month. I got all of her emails, phone calls and letters via snail mail. Then, nothing. I had assumed that her computer had died and so I waited for a snail mail letter to arrive from her telling me so, but it never came. My dad knew that Sam and I were friends, but nothing else. When he found out the reason for my slight depression, he made me a deal. If I did extra chores around the house, I could call Sam for an hour. So that Saturday, I weeded, mowed, and watered the lawn, not in that order. I cleaned the living room, my bedroom, bathroom, and organized the basement. My father joked that I would be an honor student in a matter of weeks if I only would put half of the energy I spent that weekend on school work. Anyway, I got that phone call. My dad even said that I could call for an hour that day and an hour the next weekend because I had done so much. I called Sam, and I guess she had friends over because I heard giggling in the background. I was willing to call back a few hours later or use my phone call on Sunday, but then when someone asked her who was on the phone, she said it was just some telemarketer. I hung up after that. It didn't take someone half as smart as me to get the hint." Chloe looked down at her lap and shrugged.
"Why do you think she cut off contact like that?" Lana wondered, and the blond shook her head.
"She was scared. We weren't considered normal, and there were a couple of times Sam would wish on a star that her life would just be normal. That was when I changed, or at least, I tried. I somehow got to thinking that if I was normal, and Sam and I met up in camp that next year, she would want to at least be my friend because, let's face it, she was the only one who ever truly understood me from the start." Lana tried not to feel hurt by that, since she focused on the 'from the start' portion of that sentence.
"There's more, isn't there?" Chloe said nothing at first, then she slowly nodded.
"Not much more, really, but yeah, there's more. I wanted to go to camp again to talk to Sam, to at least hear from her why we couldn't talk anymore, but my dad couldn't afford the whole summer after the big move to Smallville, and my aunt had just gotten a new car, so she couldn't help. I had to go on the second half of the summer. I didn't see Sam there, and I was told by many of the full timers that she had been kicked out for calling a councilors' assistant some bad name or another, and was kicked out. I spent the summer pretty much alone."
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."
"You don't have to say anything."
"Was your quest to be normal the reason you and I had our problems involving Clark?" Chloe shrugged again.
"Yeah. I think so, although I think it was more about competing with you-"
"Chloe, I would never compete with you-"
"I know, Lana, I know. I just got mixed up. I guess I was feeling like I still wasn't normal because Sam didn't love me, Clark didn't love me, everyone loved you.... Even I had a five minute thing for you, which didn't help me at all. It all boiled down to the fact that I was and still am not over Sam, and it's been a good three or so years. It also means that, well, I am not normal"
"You're one of the most normal people I know."
"Well, considering where we live, I somehow don't feel any better, but thank you for the gesture. And thank you for listening to me psycho-babble to you."
"Does this mean you're going to come out of the closet?"
"Not right now, but I don't think I can hide something like this forever. It hurts."
"Well, if or when you do, you'll have my full support." At this, Chloe felt her eyes get misty for another reason. She smiled and wiped her eyes before opening her arms for a hug.
"Thank you Lana. You don't know how much that means to me."
"You're welcome."
"Hey, you're not freaked out about the five minute crush thing?" Lana shook her head.
"Nah, I'm just glad that in those five minutes you didn't try to kill me. Besides, I'm actually hurt that it only lasted five minutes." The brunette patted Chloe's knee, took the phone from the blonde, and started to leave the room.
"If it makes you feel better," Chloe started to say with a smirk, "I wasn't actually counting, so it could have been more like ten minutes." Lana laughed and closed the door behind her. She thought about this Sam person. Why was she so scared? If she loved Chloe as much as she had said they loved each other, then what was there to be afraid of? Even Lana wasn't naive enough to believe that love would solve everything, but if they were in love, wouldn't it at least be worth the risks they'd need to take? Lana finished the dishes with those thoughts in her head, and it made the chore go by faster. She stared at the cordless phone once she was done and a plan formed in her mind. Should she risk Chloe possibly hating her? She decided that yes, if it eventually made her happy, then it was. "So she picked up the cordless phone, pressed the talk button, and dialed 'star-six-nine'.
Part Three: If Only She Knew
"I can see inside you're aching; but is it still too early for me to tell?"
-If Only She Knew
Brook had just finished watching the movie 'Where The Heart Is' and was just about to sit down to write her paper (which was to compare the book to the movie in ten or more pages) when the phone rang. To her surprise, she saw on the caller ID that it was the number she had called a little over an hour ago. She hoped it was Chloe calling back because she had changed her mind and wanted to talk to Sam after all, and that thought made her giddy as she answered it. "Hello?"
"Hi, I'm looking for Brook McQueen. Is she still there?"
"Speaking. Is this L...ana?"
"Yes."
"Hi, what can I do for you?" Brook was surprised even more by the fact that it was her interrogator on the phone and not Chloe. She wondered what was going on.
"I want to start off by apologizing for interrogating you like I did. I know I came off as rude, and I am sorry."
"You know, if someone had called my house speaking the way I had, I would have started giving them the third degree as well, so no apology is needed there. So, you didn't just call for a chance to apologize, did you?" Brook asked, curious as to why Lana had really called, and knowing that it involved Chloe Sullivan.
"As you know, Chloe and Sam used to be together. You calling Chloe after searching for her means it was important that you got a hold of her, and my guess is that Sam misses Chloe, which was why you called."
"Yeah," Brook agreed.
"Chloe admitted to me a few minutes ago that she's still not over Sam." Brook thought about this as Lana paused.
"Wait, so they're still in love with each other.... So why didn't Chloe let me talk to her about Sam?"
"Two reasons, I think. One, obviously she is still hurt by it all, and two, it wasn't Sam who called. If I was hurting over someone, I would want him to call, not his friend. The first and only time Chloe had called Sam, she had to earn that phone call, and Sam had dismissed her as if Chloe wasn't important in her life." Brook sucked in air quickly.
"I didn't know about that part. She just told me that she stopped speaking to Chloe."
"I don't know. Maybe she didn't want to think about hurting Chloe."
"Or maybe she forgot, but it is a shitty thing to forget about," Brook said slowly.
"Either way," Lana said, continuing on, "they were both younger and insecure about themselves and their sexuality. Chloe still is."
"So's Sam."
"I like your idea of getting them to talk, but I think- no offence- that you went about it the wrong way." Brook laughed, and Lana joined in nervously.
"None taken. I hadn't realized going into this just how alike Sam and Chloe really are. It is apparent that they are soul mates- Sam's word, not mine."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Huh. I'll see if I can use that somehow, but I think the best way to get them to talk is to get them in the same room together. Chloe can't stand silence for very long, and I am assuming that Sam will talk more if she is living with the guilt of hurting Chloe."
"Okay, I like that, but how are we going to get Sam to Smallville or Chloe to California without either of them getting suspicious?" Brook asked as she sat down at a stool. She stared at her homework and sighed, knowing that it wouldn't get done anytime soon.
"Actually... I have something that will get them to sort of a halfway point and they won't suspect a thing, granted Sam continued to do stuff with journalism. Was she ever on the school newspaper, even as a photographer or a research person?"
"She's only the editor," Brook said with a scoff, but she was surprised to hear what sounded like a sigh of relief or a whispered 'thank you' to Heaven or something.
"That's even better."
"Why? Tell me what you've got, Lana." There was a very short pause as if the girl from Smallville was trying to collect her thoughts.
"There's a convention held in Las Vegas the weekend of our Spring break for those who work on the school newspaper. From what I saw of the brochure, it is like a place to meet other journalists from various papers, find a good college to go to if journalism is what you want to do as a career, and so forth. If you're an editor, you get in half price, which the convention tickets are a hundred bucks, but there is a dance that is free for editors. I think, besides hotels and whatnot, you'd only have to pay the fifty bucks, but if it is an issue, I'll see what I can do to help you out-"
"No, that won't be necessary. I'll just ask my parents if I told them what it is and why I want Sam to go. I won't tell about Chloe, as I promised Sam, but I will just say that this convention is right up Sam's ally. Jane, Sam's mom and my step mom, would understand because Sam's dad was a journalist, and my dad pretty much goes along with what either Jane or I want as long as it is reasonable, so it will work out. If, for some reason, it doesn't, and the 'rents say no to it, I will find a way to get her there."
"Wow, this is really that important to you?"
"Yeah, it is," Brook said softly, embarrassed by the surprised and impressed edge to Lana's voice. She added jokingly, "otherwise I have to live with a grumpy Sam for the next six or seven months, and that would be worse than our feud two years back." Lana chuckled, even though both girls knew that she didn't know exactly what Brook was talking about. Lana just knew that living with a grumpy Chloe for seven months straight would drive her off the wall as well, but that wasn't the reason she was doing any of this. After a moment of silence, Brook admitted, "Well... Look, I guess I've put myself in Sam's shoes a little bit- maybe a little too much, really. When I heard about Chloe after finding that picture of her, I kept thinking- you know- if I was hurting for so long like Sam was, I would want someone in my life who claimed to care about me to help me out in some way. I guess I am just the sucker for the happy ending. Sam says I'm not happy unless I am setting someone up on a date or matchmaking."
"You're not the only one. About being a sucker for happy endings, I mean. I believe that everyone deserves to be happy, and if I can help, well, I would do what I can. I don't like that stereotype about cheerleaders that take everything they have for granted and making fun of others because they aren't as pretty or popular or whatever." Brook stayed silent for a second.
"I was that stereotype."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"Hey, it's okay. That was why Sam and I were always at each other's throats. She didn't like me for being popular, and I didn't like her for being unpopular, but now we're alright. At least we don't fight over the good sink anymore, but we do still fight over the phone lines, though." Brook rolled her eyes. 'Let's get back on topic, shall we? This is long distance, and Lana called to talk about Chloe and Sam.' she scolded herself. "Anyway-" Brook said suddenly, "when is Smallville's Spring break?"
"April twentieth to the twenty-ninth. The convention is the twentieth and twenty-first."
"Good, that is the second weekend of our Spring break. Ours is the twelfth to the twenty-first. If Sam is a day late in getting back to school, we could excuse her or something. She'll be more than caught up before she even leaves because that's Sam for you. The thing is, I am not sure if Sam will be up for that dance."
"Well, we'll see. Maybe seeing Chloe again might change her mind. Oh shoot- play along with me. Yeah, Nell. How is he? Good! Tell him I said 'hello'. And how is Metropolis? Yeah. Are you visiting Smallville soon? No? Okay, well I am glad that you called. I missed you. Uh-huh-" There was shuffling, and murmuring, then Lana was back and her voice was in a murmur. "I'm sorry about that. Chloe came in the room and is playing sister, so I have got to go. Give me your email address so I can give you the link to the convention center as soon as I steal it from Chloe."
"Even if Sam and Chloe don't get back together, well... It'd be nice if we could be friends," Brook said slowly after giving out her email address.
"I don't know if that would be a good idea," Lana said regretfully, as if she also wanted to remain friends with Brook, "I don't think I could do that to Chloe. It would be like rubbing it in her face or something if you think about it."
"Good point. Well... I look forward to your email."
"Talk to you later."
"Bye," said Brook.
"Bye," said Lana, and the connection to Smallville was lost.
" 'I look forward to your email'? For a link to a convention center? My my, Brook. How pathetic you've become." Brook sighed. "Stop talking to yourself." But she smiled weakly before returning to her school work.
Part Four: I Let You In
"Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry; Counting the days that pass me by..."
-Goodbye To You
Chloe cursed at herself for losing her concentration yet again. Ever since Brook McQueen called the Sullivan residence the week before, Chloe hadn't been able to keep her mind focused on anything but Sam, and her chest constantly hurt because of it. She knew she missed a couple of questions directed at her in her classes, she almost missed a Torch deadline, and for once, she couldn't care less about Clark Kent's Lana problems. Chloe surprised herself by not crying yet, but she knew that the time would come. Yet still, there was always one specific memory that the blonde couldn't stop going back to in her mind, and it upset her the most.
{"Phew! I thought Rudy was going to catch us and make us start off the ghost stories or something," Sam said breathlessly as the two young women made their way to the tree they'd claimed whenever they snuck away from the campfire. Chloe leaned against it and when Sam pressed her body against the younger girl's, she saw that something wasn't right with her girlfriend. "What's wrong? You haven't said anything yet." Chloe looked up at the stars and sighed.
"Sam... I think it's kind of cool that we're secret girlfriends; it's something that I don't have to share with anyone else, but you have no clue how much I want to kiss you or say how much I love you whenever we're not alone. I know I told you that I felt lonely under the stars, but lately, I feel more alone when I'm sitting or standing right next to you, and I can't touch you or feel you touching my hand." Chloe put her hands on Sam's hips and pulled her as close as possible to her.
"You can tell me here, you can tell me now," Sam said softly, but Chloe stayed quiet. "I know, we can make up a sign or a code that only you and I know. That way we can show each other how we feel even when we aren't alone, and if anyone were to see it they'd think we were just being weird like friends often are together." She kissed Chloe, then let their foreheads touch. Since they had that two year age difference, Sam was taller by a couple of inches.
"That's corny Sam, but I like the idea. What would our code be?"
"I don't know."
"Maybe it could be a sign of some sort."
"Okay," the brunette said, and pulled away a little. Before Chloe could protest, Sam put a fist to her chest and made the gesture of knocking on her heart. "What about this?"
"Wouldn't that be a little bit obvious?" Chloe asked, watching Sam's hand. Sam shrugged, and her hand stilled. "Wait, what if we crossed our arms first, and then made a fist to knock on our heart?" Sam tested it out, and it wasn't as obvious. "Then, you can't tell as easily, especially if you do it slowly after your arms have been crossed for a while. I like that." Chloe brightened up right after that.
"I do, too," Sam agreed. "It's like I'm telling you that you knocked on my heart and I let you in. I know it is corny, but it is true. I love you, Chloe and my heart will always beat for you. That's what it means to me." Chloe's arm went around Sam's neck as Sam wrapped her arms around Chloe's waist.
"That's what it means to me, too," Chloe whispered. "I love you, too."
"I don't want you feeling lonely anymore."}
Chloe rubbed her chest roughly with her knuckles, almost as if she were giving herself a sternum rub. It surprised her how much her chest hurt after thinking about that night at camp. Sam's last words echoed in her mind as she fought back her tears and succeeded. She was determined not to cry anymore over Sam, as she knew no tears were shed for her. "Damn you, Brook McQueen for calling here. Damn you, Sam," she muttered hotly as she rested her head in her hands.
Part Five: Cheer Up
"I couldn't help it; I couldn't stop it if I tried; the same old heartbeat fills the emptiness I have inside..."
-I'd Rather Be In Love
Brook closed the door to her parents' room with a large smile on her face. She was pleased, but surprised that they had agreed so readily to the plan to get Sam to Las Vegas. She was right when she'd told Lana that they would let Sam go with the right strings pulled, and Brook knew exactly which ones to pull. Of course, it might have actually been the offer of Brook babysitting Mackenzie every Friday and Saturday night for the following month in exchange for the gas/food/hotel money that sealed the deal, but that was a detail the ex-cheerleader planned to leave out as she went to Sam's room with the ticket receipt she'd printed out. It might have been a little bit more wise to have gotten the tickets AFTER asking the 'rents, but she wanted to make sure she actually could get them first.
Brook was actually surprised that she was able to pull the whole thing off without making Sam suspicious of her sudden burst of computer usage, with her looking up the convention center, emailing/chatting with Lana, and getting hotel reservations, maps, and anything else she thought she might have needed to convince Jane mostly that Sam needed this trip and would be good on her own. Sam, on her part, had been caught up in her grief that she'd been off her guard, and Brook might have actually been able to get away with anything then, and she guiltily used that to her advantage when going on with her and Lana's plan to get Sam and Chloe to Las Vegas. Despite that, she really hoped that it would make Sam feel better if nothing else were to come of it.
As she got to the journalist's door, she noticed it was silent- no typing or music or various computer noises and dings indicating the brunette was chatting online- and was hesitant to knock on her door in case Sam was taking a nap. She then decided that Sam wouldn't mind the interruption after all, since she was getting a free vacation. Brook tapped on the door. There was some groggy mumbling, which the blonde took as 'enter' and opened the door. Sam, as Brook had suspected, was slowly sitting up, squinting at the light that was being let in from the hallway. "If I turned on your computer monitor, would that be okay?" Brook asked in a hushed voice. "I need a little light, but the overhead light would give you a headache, and I don't want that."
"How considerate," Sam said, and the blonde wasn't sure if her step-sister was being sarcastic or not. She shrugged it off, deciding that the brunette would be a little nicer once she saw what she had for her. She might even let her have the good sink. "-but I've already got a headache, so go ahead and turn it on." Brook thought about this for a second, then looked around at Sam's floor. She memorized the spots where the bundles of clothes were on her way to the computer monitor, then she closed Sam's bedroom door behind her as she stepped in. Brook took two steps into the room, then three to her left. Her shin bumped into Sam's computer chair and she felt around for the desk, then finally the computer monitor itself, feeling for the 'on' button as if she was attempting to read Brail. When the yellow glow of Sam's Tweety Bird desktop filled the room, Brook made her way to Sam, who stared at her as if she had grown a beard that went to her knees. "Or not."
"Umph," was Brook's reply as she sat at the foot of Sam's bed.
"So, what's up?"
"I've got a surprise for you. I know you've been down, and I feel bad because I know I'm at fault for making you think of Chloe. I thought maybe..." Brook took the tickets out of her pocket and gave them to Sam with flourish, "this might cheer you up." Brook silently hoped Sam wouldn't say anything about the dance part of it. She knew that dances weren't Sam's thing, even if she may have gone to a few in high school, but Brook was hopeful that maybe she'll see Chloe there and Chloe will change her mind.
"What? A convention?" Sam asked as she squinted at the papers in her hand.
"Yeah, for those who work on the high school newspaper. Since you're the editor, you got a discount, well, as soon as I gave your name and the high school's phone to verify that you are. I just got the email saying you're in today. I was hoping to find something closer, but I've cleared it with Mom 'n' Dad, and they're cool with you going. I've also looked into hotels near the convention center and a quick, yet safe driving route for your Bug as well, but I wanted to see of you're actually interested in going before I shared that with you."
"I'm guessing you shared that part with Mom and Mike first, though, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten the okay."
"You're right. They were impressed by how thorough I was with information and costs and all that, but Sam, that's because I really want you to go. It's all paid for."
"But... why?"
"Why is it all paid for? You're questioning a free vacation?" Sam leaned forward and slapped Brook on the shoulder, which caused the blonde to squeak, then glare at her.
"No, why are you doing all this for me?"
"Like I said, I feel bad because I know you've been depressed over Chloe, even if Mom 'n' Dad don't, and I'm the one who made you start thinking about her more to begin with. Maybe this will help you get your mind off of her."
"It won't, but it will be a good vacation. I never told anyone, but you already know my biggest secret, so what the hell. The main reason I ever was so dedicated to the Zapruder was because whenever I worked on it, I felt the closest to the two people I've lost. My dad was a good journalist, and I just know that Chloe will be someday soon. I wouldn't be surprised if she got to play Nancy Drew in her small home town and became a writer for her school newspaper." At this, Brook began to fidget. She wanted to tell Sam all about the Smallville Torch and about Lana and everything but that would have ruined everything. She knew she had to stay quiet about that. "Thank you," Sam said suddenly. "I don't think I've said that yet."
"No problem," Brook replied with a smile.
"Brook..."
"Hmm?"
"I'll never see her again. I've ruined it, I know I did." Sam's low and sad tone made Brook's heart go out to her step-sister.
"Never say never. Do you know where she was from? I mean, if you've got a name alone, I'm sure you can find her using these handy new inventions called a phone book and the internet," Book said. 'Like I did, and I am not half as computer literate as you are, you dope. Why haven't you looked her up by now?' she thought.
"Haha," Sam said dryly. "She'll hate me Brook, and she'll think I'm some sort of stalker and hate me more than she would for hurting her and not returning her letters and such."
"Maybe not. Maybe she'd be flattered that you still cared enough about her that you want to track her down and try to talk to her again. Maybe she's like you and hoping you'll see each other again-"
"She was thirteen, Brook. She'll have grown up, passed what we had off as some childhood mistake-"
"Wasn't it you who let HER go? She's probably waiting for you to call or write or- something to tell her you're still thinking of her. She could still be at the address you wrote to her before, or if not, it could be forwarded. She might even still have the same email address." The blonde wondered why she couldn't seem to just shut up, but she was still talking, trying to make Sam feel better because Brook hated seeing her so down. She knew that if Sam were to go to Las Vegas, there was no need for any of the pep talk. It may have been a derogatory term between them before, but Brook actually liked calling Jane 'Mom' and Sam 'sis', and she really wanted for them to act more like her family than they had been before. It had taken Sam a few times, but she no longer gave Brook suspicious or odd looks whenever Brook threw in 'sis' after a greeting.
"I'm scared to, Brook, that is what it all comes down to."
The cheerleader almost decided to let the subject drop from there, but never being one to leave a conversation without having the last word, she said in a murmur, "Maybe she is, too." She stood up and memorized the floor again before she turned off Sam's monitor, then she made her way towards the door. "Hope the headache is better tomorrow. Sleep tight." With that, she closed the door gently behind her and made her way to her own room.
Part Six: The Spirit Room
"You're in everyone I see; So tell me, do you see me?"
-Everywhere
Lana and Chloe were spread on the living room floor of the Sullivan residence as they watched a movie together. As the credits rolled, Chloe looked at the clock and sighed. "I've got a couple of math worksheets that I can't ignore anymore, otherwise I would love to continue this marathon of Julia Roberts' movies."
"Okay. Hey, are you getting excited about that convention of yours next month?" Chloe looked at her as if she had no brains.
"I've only mentioned it every day for the last week. It was the only thing I wanted since school started." Lana smiled her Mona Lisa Smile, then got up and picked up her bedding before turning off the TV. She walked into Chloe's room, as the door was open. Familiar guitar chords sounded, but Lana didn't know the song until the girl began to sing. "So you actually bought that Michelle Branch CD?" She remembered the week before when they had gone to Metropolis on the weekend and had gone to the mall there. Chloe was looking for a new CD to listen to and had heard a couple of Michelle Branch's songs. She remembered that Chloe had a hard time debating on whether she wanted that CD or something else.
"Yeah 'Everywhere' has been stuck in my head since last month, so I got it last week. I haven't been able to stop spinning it since." Lana smiled and without being invited, sat down on Chloe's bed. Something told her that there was more than homework on her mind. Chloe knew why Lana had decided to make herself at home in her room and felt grateful that they knew each other well enough to be there for each other when it mattered. "You know that I've been thinking about Sam, don't you?" she asked.
"I can't say I'd be surprised if you were," Lana replied. "Wanna talk about it?"
"I'm not going to get my math done, anyway, so..." Chloe flipped her book shut.
"Does it make you cry when you think about her?" Lana wondered.
"No. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry anymore for Sam. I feel them, you know. Since Brook McQueen called here, I haven't been able to keep Sam off of my mind, just when I was starting to do well. Its been three years and it still hurts like it happened last night. Why does it hurt so bad?"
"Maybe not enough time has passed. Maybe that part of you that's trying so hard to be 'normal' is still hoping to see her again, and you're not healing from that summer as a result." Lana said, trying not to squirm after Brook's name was mentioned. She knew that if Chloe and Sam were really to see each other again, then her words were useless, but if things don't work out, then maybe her words could help. Maybe Chloe didn't need to be normal. What if normalcy was holding Chloe back? The blonde seemed to pick up on all of this and nodded.
"Oh my god," she breathed, "you're absolutely right. Maybe its all wrong, what I've been doing. I don't know why I thought we'd ever see each other again, even at camp. I've been thinking about coming out, Lana. A lot. Maybe... when I'm ready, and I do, it will be the first step to realizing that Sam and I will never see each other again, and if by some miracle we do, she'll have to get over the fact that I'm not hiding this anymore and that's that." Lana smiled widely at the look of determination and the sense of finality in Chloe's voice.
"I'm proud of you, Chloe. And when you're ready, and after you've come out, I'm taking you to Metropolis. I hear there's an underage club there called Glitter, or something." Chloe and Lana shared a grin.
"You're the straight supporter every gay person needs in their life, Lana. Thank you for being there."
"Well, you'll just have to owe me. I'm wracking them up now so that you'll have to help me with my future boy troubles, and I have a feeling there where be many," she said. The friends laughed. Lana looked at Chloe's desk where the CD case to the singer on the radio was. "May I look at the case?" Lana asked as a thought formed in her mind.
"Sure," Chloe reached over and handed Lana the CD case.
" 'The Spirit Room'," Lana read out loud, then opened the case and flipped through the booklet as the song switched to the next track.
"I think of Sam the most during this song," Chloe admitted. Lana listened carefully to the music and followed along with the booklet as she read off the lyrics. The song, titled 'You Get Me' according to the case, pretty much spoke of being unique, yet the person the girl was singing to loved her anyway or because of that uniqueness. Lana liked that. She knew that Chloe needed someone like that, and hoped the two journalists would get back together because it seemed they had a lot in common even then. "So," Chloe said loudly and suddenly, making Lana look up from the CD case, "this is my plan."
"Tell me your plan." Lana said, a start of a smile on her face.
"I'm going to listen to this CD until I've worn it out, then I'm going to do some research and come out of the closet. From there, I'll concentrate on the Torch and school and this convention." Her voice lowered. "I don't know what to do after that." she said shyly.
"Well, it sounds like a good start. No one said that healing was easy, especially healing a broken heart. You know, the whole 'Rome wasn't built in a day' thing. Who knows, maybe by the time the convention's over, you'll know what further steps you want to take, be it to lay low until college or to show your pride colors now. I bet you'll make an excellent leader for the Human Right Campaign." Chloe grinned.
"Thanks Lana."
"Anytime."
Part Seven: Track Six
"You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart; And I wanted so badly just to be apart of something strong and true; But I was scared and left it all behind..."
-Here With Me
"Are you sure you've got everything?" Jane McQueen asked. Sam knew that she did, but she humored her mother anyway or she'd never get to leave.
"Two sets of clothing... check. Car keys... check. Sun glasses... check. Convention tickets... double check. Fifteen gallons of water for the road," she gave her stepfather a look and Mike McQueen shrugged, "check..."
"You're going to be driving for over twelve hours- in the desert, so you'll be begging for the water by the time you reach Vegas." Sam nodded.
"Yeah, but what if I have to pee? Like you said, I will be on the road for over twelve hours." Brook, who was holding Mackenzie's hand on the porch, spoke up.
"Well, we can always attach one of those Honey Buckets to the back of your Bug." Sam made and 'ick' face, and Brook chuckled. Not knowing exactly what was going on, but knowing something good was happening, Mackenzie laughed too. Sam gave everyone a hug and when she got to her stepsister, the blonde said, "By the way, you did forget something." It was then she noticed that Brook's other hand had been behind her back. She held an object out to Sam, who took it. It was a CD with a tough looking brunette on the cover, who stared back at Sam. She wore a black leather jacket, a studded belt and what could have been jeans or a pair of dark blue leather pants. Sam couldn't tell, as it seemed blurred.
" 'The Spirit Room'," Sam read out loud, imagining a dark room with candles and an Ouija board.
"Yeah, I thought you might like something new to listen to on your way there." Sam scrunched up her eyebrows. "What?"
"Something's not right. You've been..."
"What?" Brook repeated, her voice filled with innocence that Sam knew was false.
"Nice," Sam ended lamely.
"Oh, heaven forbid, Sam," their mother cut in, grabbing Mackenzie's other hand. Sam sighed as she watched Brook let go and give her another hug.
"Thank you. I'll pop it in first thing." She looked at everyone in her family, then said, "I should be back on Monday, no later than Tuesday morning." With that, she got into her VW Bug, turned on the engine, and put the CD into the player. Then she waved and was off. She waved a hand to her family as she left the driveway and made her way to the main street. She looked at the map she got from Brook, then concentrated on the road and her new CD, wondering what her step-sister was up to. What made Brook buy her that CD of all of the millions of CDs out there? The look on her face made it seem as if it was important for Sam to have the CD right then and there, as if all else was lost if she didn't hear the CD on her way to Las Vegas, and that only made Sam more suspicious. What the journalist didn't know was that Brook had gotten an email from Lana, telling her that maybe the CD would increase their chances of talking, as Chloe was currently obsessed with it.
The first track was the one Sam recognized as being played on the radio. She had known some of the song's lyrics from its over-play, and it wasn't a bad song if you hadn't heard it every hour on the radio station. It was about seeing someone everywhere, in dreams and when she's awake. Though she heard it more times than she could count, the song was still catchy to Sam, and she kept it on. The song made her wonder if Chloe still thought about her half as much as Sam thought about Chloe. The next song was a cute song about being loved for who they were and being understood. Sam had started to hear the third song, about hiding feelings and being taken in and taken away from pain. Sam heard this song somewhere, in the background of a movie trailer or somewhere, but it was also familiar to her as well. The songs played as Sam made her way to the toll way. However, the sixth song caught her ear.. Not only did the catchy music get her attention, but the lyrics in the chorus and second verse got to her. This, she knew, was her theme song. It spoke of having love but being too afraid to keep it and walking away from it. It spoke of regret and needing that person back, and Sam knew (as she reached over and put the song -called Hear With Me, she found out later- on repeat) that it was how she felt about Chloe Sullivan. Sam wondered, as she often had over the past two months since Brook found the picture in the attic, what she would be like if the two had stayed together. She wondered what their personalities would have been like. Would she have still been so closed off and hateful of anything considered 'normal'? She imagined what Chloe would look like, her mental image being of a woman who was no longer so skinny, but filled out and healthier looking than she was in camp. Before, she looked more like Brook. Had she come out as a lesbian or had she passed it all off as some odd summer fling she had when she was young and stupid? Was she currently involved with anyone? Sam's face scrunched up in anger, and she tapped the steering wheel more than lightly, making the Bug swerve a little towards the yellow line. Righting the steering wheel, Sam sighed with frustration.
"Just face it, Sam," she said to herself as she fought back tears, not for the first time that week, "you blew it."
Part Eight: The Birds and the Birds
"There's a will, there's a way; Sometimes words just can't explain..."
-You Set Me Free
Chloe put her duffle bag in the back of Lana's truck and got into the passenger seat. It felt odd to not be in the driver's spot, but she was going to the airport in Metropolis and didn't need her green Bug this time. She buckled her seatbelt, then noticed that Lana was looking at her expectantly. "What? I'm buckled in correctly," she said defensively, knowing that the girl at her left was strict about that ever since the tornadoes hit.
"Aren't you going to put in 'The Spirit Room'?"
"You're not sick of it?"
"Are you?" That question surprised Chloe.
"Honestly, no."
"Well, we're sticking to your plan. Go ahead and put it in; I kinda like 'Goodbye To You'. Makes me think of Whitney," she said somewhat sadly. Chloe nodded, unbuckled her seatbelt and grabbed the duffle bag behind her. She got out her CD case and picked out the very first one, a red CD with a flowery design on it. As Chloe put the CD into the Lana's CD player and put the CD case in her lap, Lana asked, "Have you told Pete 'n' Clark?"
"Yeah, last week after I told my dad," Chloe responded almost absently as she turned down the volume to one she could easily talk, over yet still hear the lyrics. She redid her seat belt.
"How'd it go?"
"Pete' cool with it. He said he knew that something was always off with the way I was with Clark, and asked me who in school I think is hot. I told him some random girl's name just to make him stop asking. I told Clark privately. I told him about Sam and my whole normality thing. He was so sweet about it, and said he understood the aching need to be normal, and he wished me happiness. My dad took a bit, but after I explained the phone call to Sam, it all made sense to him. Unfortunately, now he thinks my coming out means I'm sexually active and possibly seeing someone, which we both know isn't true. He tried to give me a talk on 'the birds and the birds'. How he knows so much about sex between two women is a little bit creepy to think about," Chloe finished, making a face. Lana laughed as she drove out of the Sullivan driveway on onto the familiar country roads.
"I'll agree with you there."
"I'm telling you Lana, never in my life have I wanted to run at the sight of a turkey baster."
"Oh no,"
"Oh yes. I also got an in depth play by play on how me and my 'life partner' as he called it, could make him a grandpa." Lana's shoulders shook in her laughter, and the two girls' conversation went to the convention and who was supposed to be giving a speech, not that Lana recognized the name except for in Chloe's rants and rambles about them. That conversation somehow lasted until they got to the airport. There, Lana waited with Chloe until her flight was announced, then she gave her a hug and left. Chloe felt her excitement begin to boil within her as she boarded the plane and waited for the four hour flight to start. Once up in the air, Chloe's thoughts went back to Sam, as much as she tried to stop them. She hadn't thought that healing her broken heart would be that difficult once she figured out how to go about doing so, but she was grateful for a friend like Lana to help her through it. She knew she could talk to Pete and Clark about it all, but some things should only be heard by female ears, besides, Lana knew first.
The good thing was that she didn't feel as if she had been stabbed in the heart every time she thought of Sam. No, she started to feel lighter, freer since coming out of the closet. The pain only felt as if someone had reached in and squeezed at her heart a little, which she took as a good thing. Chloe hoped that the squeezing would cease little by little, and she wondered if she'd ever feel ready to date other women, but if she was honest with herself, she knew it would be quite some time. This was fine with her, really. There was always college. As soon as she was allowed to, Chloe put her CD in her laptop and hooked in her headphones. She played Solitaire and listened to 'The Spirit Room' on repeat. To Chloe, she was still on steps one and two of her plan, which were to come out of the closet and play Michelle Branch on repeat. She still needed to tell her aunt if her father hadn't already, and she felt she wasn't completely out until she had some sort of pride thing, a patch or something on her backpack or a 'I can't think straight' bumper sticker. It amazed her that she wasn't ready to throw the CD out the window after two or more months of listening to only that, and she was even more amazed that Lana hadn't done it for her. When Chloe had given Pete a ride to school once, she threatened his life and manhood if he touched her radio. Pete sought rides from Clark from then on.
Still, she was determined to stick to her own personal 'twelve step program', and until she couldn't stand hearing the lyrics to 'Drops in the Ocean', she will keep the CD in her players. She was sure Lana wanted to strangle her, but having her put it in the car stereo surprised her. Maybe she was just hoping that having her listen to it more and more whenever possible would help wear Chloe's tolerance for the CD faster. Either way, Chloe knew she owed her a lot, a souvenir or something, but she knew Lana deserved a lot more than that as well for what Chloe had been putting her through. She knew she owed Lana big time. It wouldn't be for another forty-eight hours that she'd know just how much.
Part Nine: Brad/Brandon/Brett
"And in my heart I see, oh, just how you wanted it to be..."
-Sweet Misery
It was close to midnight when Sam checked in to her hotel room later that night. All she wanted to do was plop on the large inviting bed and snooze, but she'd promised to give her mother a call to let her know she had gotten in okay, no matter what time it was. She dialed the ten numbers and the familiar voice of her step-sister greeted her. "Hey, is Mom there?"
"Yeah, I'll go get 'er."
"No, that's not necessary. Just let her know that I called."
"Okay, but if she yells at me-"
"You'd probably deserve it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You've been all sorts of sneaky lately, so if you get yelled at, chances are, it'll be karma."
"What are you talking about?" Sam stuck her tongue in her cheek before replying.
"Gimme a break, Brook. The concern, the helpfulness all of a sudden, the-"
"Sisterly behavior?"
"Yes, damn it!"
"Fine," Brook said, sounding hurt, though Sam figured it was all an act, "I'll go back to being Brook McBitch if that'll make you feel better."
"That's just it, you NEVER cared for what would make me feel ANYTHING. You never gave a god damn what I thought-"
"A few things have changed since then, don't you think? Why can't I?"
"You have to admit that you're acting pretty weird- you have been all month. You can't blame me for being suspicious," Sam said in her defense.
"What if I just wanted to be nice to you, Sam? What if I just want to act like a real live family for a change- which, by the way, includes you, like it or not." Brook said this almost coldly and Sam was reminded of two years prior when everything Brook ever said to her was in that same tone. Then was the time when they only used the word 'sis' as a derogatory term. True, it weirded the brunette out to hear Brook call Jane 'Mom', but both her mother and Brook seemed to take pleasure in the name. Besides, she'd heard step-parent horror stories, and other than the initial feud, hers wasn't one of them. Sam actually was starting to feel guilty about getting on Brook's case when all it seemed the blonde wanted was to be normal, which was something Sam of all people had no right to dismiss. That was always what she wanted, too. Still, she couldn't help but feel odd about the whole thing.
"Hey- Look, forget this whole conversation, okay? I'm glad that we're family, Brook, but I can't shake the feeling that something more is going on here. When I get back, I am going to figure out what it is. Somehow."
"You'll only figure it out when you get back? C'mon Sam, I thought you'd be a tiny bit quicker than that," Brook said teasingly.
"So you admit to being up to something."
"No, but if I was, I overestimated you to think you'd figure it out faster than in a few days."
"Well... I've had a lot on my mind, and when I get back, I will know for sure that those things are worth thinking about."
"I really am sorr-"
"Quit saying that. It's not your fault."
"Sorry." Sam sighed, and Brook laughed on the other end. "I'll get Mom."
"Thank you," Sam said. As she waited, she heard Brook yelling for their mother, and the moment felt almost as if it was shared by two blood sisters, not step-sisters. She shuddered at the thought, but there was a smirk upon her face.
"How was your drive?" The voice on the other end made Sam jump.
"Oh! It was fine. Thank Mike for making me take all of that water. I used up most of that first case."
"I'll let him know. He'll go on a short 'See, I told her' speal, but I'm glad it all worked out."
"Thanks. I'm about to head to bed, but I wanted to give you a call so you don't kill me when I get home."
"Good thinking. Death is good to avoid. I'm glad you called, now get some sleep and tell me all about it when you get home. I love you sweetheart."
"I love you too, Mom," Sam replied.
"Goodnight."
"Bye." Sam hung up the phone and sat down slowly on the bed, her mind thinking about the conversation between herself and Brook. Was she supposed to have figured her scheme out by then? Did she even have one? Was she just playing with her head like that for kicks, knowing that she can? Sam knew that Brook would have to know her pretty well to know what would mess with her mind so much, and the thought that she was already driving her batty was scary. She forced herself to think instead about the convention. She wondered how it was set up, since the website and brochure both were vague on details. She just knew that many colleges around the US with great journalism programs were going to have booths set up, and a famous new reporter from CNN was supposed to be there because he started out on the high school newspaper. As she lay under the covers, Sam's mind began to wander away from the convention and to Chloe. Eventually, the one memory she always thought of when her lost love entered her mind was the only thing she could see.
{Sam hated these bi-weekly hikes as much as she hated campfires, horseback riding, or 'get to know your cabin mates' type activities. 'Seriously,' she thought, 'what kind of writers' camp is this?' One thing that had made the last few hikes even slightly bearable was the fact that Chloe was there with her, doing fine on the trail, where Sam huffed and puffed her way to the top. "Come on, Slow Poke!"
"How do you do this?"
"One foot goes in front of the other and eventually you get somewhere. You should try it sometime. It could be fun."
"Smart ass."
"Thank you, it's nice to know that my ass is appreciated." Sam had nothing to say to that as she concentrated on getting up the hill. "You mad at me, Sam?" The brunette looked up at Chloe suddenly.
"Why would I be mad at you?" Chloe shrugged.
"You got quiet."
"I got outsmarted by my girlfriend," Sam replied with a smile. "I've got no reason to be mad at you." Chloe wrapped her arms around Sam's middle and used her upper body to push her girlfriend up the hill.
"I love you Sam, but you're all sweaty and ick," Chloe said in Sam's ear, and the young brunette grinned.
"Well, when you put it like that, there's no way I can refuse your love." Chloe laughed, then sucked in a quick breath of air (which sounded almost like a gasp), then let go of Sam completely. The older of the girls had to move her feet quickly in order to stay standing. Sam looked back at Chloe, then in front of her where the blonde was staring, trying her best to look innocent. A camp councilors' assistant named Brad or Brandon or Brett (Sam didn't quite know or care) was jogging back down the hill towards them.
"Is everything alright?" he asked as he got in a distance to be heard.
"Yeah, we're fine. I fell about a half-mile back- nothing's broken or anything, but my left leg is now sore," Sam told him. Unfortunately, Brandon/Brett/Brad wasn't buying it, but he said nothing else. He turned back around and started up the hill again, pacing himself so that he was never more than twenty-five yards ahead of them. "When we get out of here, we'll have more chances to be alone."
"We won't see each other when we get out of here. Just at camp," Chloe said. Sam stopped walking, and Chloe stopped to look at her.
"Sure we will. If not at camp, then after high school. We can, I don't know, go to the same college or something."
"But I'm going to Metropolis University. They say it has the best journalist program in Kansas, Sam."
"Then I'll go, too."
"Okay... And the rest of the year, we can still write and email and-and call."
"Yes, we will. We're never going to lose each other, Chloe."
"Come on, girls!" Brett/Brandon/Brad called out to them, and they started up their walking again.}
Part Ten: The Tux Dream
"You give me something to sleep to, and all I know is; You give me something to dream to when I'm all alone and blue. Don't leave me empty..."
-Something To Sleep To
Chloe was surprised by how tired she was, even though she was sure she hadn't done much walking. Her bag, she knew, wasn't all that heavy, so this sudden lack of energy was a mystery to her, one she was too tired to try and solve. All she really knew, though, was that she needed a shower, and soon. So as soon as she got into the her hotel room, she dug in her duffle bag for her night cloths and headed for the bathroom. As warm-hot water ran through her hair and down her back, Chloe wondered if the cause of her exhaustion was due to the few hours she'd spent thinking of Sam. Now, the constant thoughts of her ex-girlfriend angered Chloe more than they hurt and saddened her, and she was beginning to wonder if there was any escaping Sam. She sighed as she dried off and slipped into her night gear (which was a white tank top and Care Bears pajama pants, the closest thing she had to gay pride wear) and walked to her bed. She noticed for the first time the green casino chip (usable only at the casino owned by the hotel). She felt it was a shame, really. She was hoping for the chocolate mint they usually have. She could really use some chocolate. Instead, she put it on the nightstand, intending to give it to Lana as her souvenir. Then she got into bed and under the covers. It didn't take long for a dream to take over her mind.
{Chloe waved to Lana in her red truck as she drove off, on her way to take Whitney to the airport. An elbow was offered to her and she took it, smiling at her companion, but her smile faded then when she saw just whom's arm she had taken. "Sam." Indeed, it was Sam McPherson next to her and not Clark Kent. Chloe had to admit that the brunette looked good in a tux, and her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail.
"Chloe," Sam said back in the same tone. "Good, you Chloe, me Sam. I'm glad we got that stumper figured out. Now we can go inside."
"You're not supposed to be here," Chloe said. Sam looked confused.
"Umm... Why not?" she asked.
"Because I went to the Spring Formal with Clark," Chloe replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world to anyone with a brain.
"Oh," Sam said, looking around. "So... Where is he, then?"
"Good question."
"Well..." Sam stuck her tongue in her cheek as she thought things over, and Chloe felt her bottom half start to tingle. "Well," Sam said again slowly, "seeing as he ain't' here, you wanna go inside and cut a rug with me?"
"Can't," Chloe said, slipping her arm out of Sam's. "I'm waiting for Clark. He should be here soon." Sam looked as if this information was logical to her and she nodded her head from side to side as her tongue went back to the inside of her cheek. Chloe wanted to scream for her to stop doing that as it was messing with her hormones hardcore.
"Alright Sugar, I guess I'll leave you to your Clark-watch here and get out of this itchy tux. How men do it is beyond me," she finished in a mutter.
" 'Sugar'? Why'd you just call me 'Sugar'?" Chloe asked, and Sam only shrugged.
"This is your dream, Sugar. It is what you want it to be, and apparently, you like me calling you 'Sugar'."
"No, I don't," Chloe said as if a child arguing over whether or not she's tired. Sam again shrugged.
"I don't make the rules, you do." She hesitated, then said, "Goodnight." With that, Sam left a kiss on the cheek and was gone. In her wake, Chloe stood, staring ahead of her where three tornadoes came at her, and all she wanted right then was Sam's elbow.}
Chloe woke up sucking in a breath of air. Despite the weirdness of her dream, Chloe's heart was pounding in her chest, and seemed to scream for the image she saw there in her mind. This woman in a tux was so gentle with her, and she wished (though her mind yelled for her heart to knock it off) that she had that, had Sam again. Chloe took in another deep breath as she settled into her pillows and tried to go back to sleep.
Part Eleven: Sam's Mission
"And nothing has been, as beautiful, as when I saw heaven's skies, in your eyes..."
-Drops In the Ocean
The convention center was supposed to open at eleven, but some worker or another, a security guard from the looks of it, wasn't quite prepared for the close to seventy teen who were standing in front of and behind Sam. The brunette heard bits and pieces of the chatter around her and realized that most of the people there had come with a friend. It made her feel slightly alone in the crowd, but it wasn't enough to bring her mood down to the level it had been the last two months or so. Sam waited patiently in line, as she knew she had plenty of time to do all she'd wanted to do there. She let her mind wander off into the lyrics of 'Hear With Me', which she knew would keep herself busy for three and a half minutes at least at a time.
By the bridge of the song (on its second time around in Sam's mind), the doors to the convention center opened, and the line went pouring into what the brunette knew would be a crowded place. After she got inside long enough to give her ticket to the lanky woman who worked there, and after she went to the table directly in front of her to fill out a name tag to put around her neck, Sam looked around to see that the tables (except for the ones on either side of the stage in the far back of the room) were arranged by state. She recognized the colors and mascot for UCLA, and walked towards that table first. The whole convention, from what Sam could tell, seemed like a huge college fair held in the city of sin. The only thing missing were the people recruiting for the Army. Though Gurt Napier from CNN was going to be there, she didn't see the huge deal about the whole thing, but she was determined to have a good time and get everything she'd need from each college she wanted to go to.
Sam spent a lot of her time at the California tables, grabbing brochures and applications, scholarship information, and on a rare occasion, a sticker or pen. 'So that's where all that tuition goes,' Sam thought as she studied the UCLA window sticker in her hand before adding it to her slowly growing bag. A voice, coming from the right where she had yet to go (this section was for all of the state's newspaper associates) called out to her using her full name. "Samantha McPherson? Gosh, is that you?" Sam knew this kind man's face, as she remembered seeing him at her father's funeral close to five years back, but his name escaped her. She smiled, glad that he remembered her name. "Cliff Hagers. I was at your father's funeral. I-uh, I said a few words." Sam nodded.
"Yes, I remember," she said as she made her way to the table, standing in front of him as he got a good look at her. "How have you been, Mr. Hagers?"
"Not bad. Still at the Tribune. I can't believe you're here! But then," he added, "I really shouldn't be as surprised as I am to see you here. If I remember correctly, you always were more Joe than Jane. Speaking of, she in town?"
"No," Sam replied. "I came alone." She realized, after she said that, that she probably shouldn't have said she was alone, as she never knew this man, even if he was a friend of her father's, but he seemed only wanting chit chat, really.
"How is she?"
"Happily remarried," Sam said with a shrug, "I've got a step-sister and a half sister now."
"Good God," Cliff said. "And how are you? You get a girlfriend yet?" If Sam was eating anything, she would have choked on it and died.
"What?!" Cliff looked embarrassed.
"Well, I remember... I thought you might be-" Sam cut him off, feeling bad for his awkwardness, even thought he put himself in the position he was in.
"Yes, I did have a girlfriend... Once, but I didn't think at fourteen, I'd be obvious."
"You weren't. Not to many, but you acted a lot like my daughter, itchy or something. She came out last year."
"Oh," was all Sam could say as she thought about it. Before she could say something else, someone came up to the table looking as if he was about to ask a question or two. Apologetically, Cliff turned to look at the young man. When he glanced back at Sam, she waved a hand half-heartedly in a goodbye, which he returned. She left, going towards the end of the California tables and drifting into the Oregon tables. Seeing the name of the college a lot of the camp councilors' assistants went to, Sam looked around, spotting the tables for the state of Kansas. Thinking of the memory she'd thought of the night before, Sam walked over to them, hoping she might find something from Metropolis University.
The table seemed pretty popular, as it was crowded, but Sam found a space to squeeze herself into next to an African American girl her age with long flowing dreadlocks going down (what looked to Sam) a strong back. The girl smiled at her, and the brunette returned it before looking at the brochures the school had to offer. "You look like someone on a mission. I see the determination all over your face," the girl said, sounding slightly amused, slightly bored. Sam looked at the girl again, who stood relaxed to Sam's right as if there wasn't close to three or four hundred people all around her. Her nametag said 'Izzy or Izzy not?'
"In a way," Sam answered slowly, "I guess I am." Sam hated to admit to it, but Izzy chuckled softly as if she had already known anyway, and no words were needed from Sam. The brunette wished she could be as laid back as this girl seemed to be as she worked on the Zapruder on a crunched deadline.
"As I said, it shows. So tell me, why are so many white girls so eager to get into this college?"
"I'd guess in Kansas, there wouldn't be many other diversities than white. Call me ignorant, but I wouldn't know. I've never been to Kansas."
"I wouldn't know either. I was born here. Never left. Doubt I ever will."
"I was born and raised in Southern California."
"So, let me rephrase my question: Why are YOU so eager to get into this college? I saw you make a beeline for this table." Izzy sounded as if she really didn't care for Sam's reasons, and the brunette wouldn't have answered her if it weren't for the slip in Izzy's facial expression showing curiosity. Sam shrugged, trying to copy Izzy's stance a little bit.
"Someone I knew used to live in Metropolis before she moved to some dinky town called Smallville. I guess part of me hoped she'd still be there. She always talked about going to Metropolis University, and I really wanted to see her again." The African American girl nodded, both knowing that she suspected more to the story.
"Sounds like a friend of mine," was all Izzy said, her voice so soft, Sam almost didn't hear her. There seemed to be nowhere left for the conversation between them to go, so Sam gave a half-sided smile and turned to the college-age girl who spoke about the various classes offered at 'Met U', and Izzy looked around the convention center. She didn't seem to have anywhere else to be or any sort of mission to accomplish; she was merely people watching. 'Or maybe,' Sam thought as she watched the girl from the corner of her eye, 'she just isn't in as big of a hurry to accomplish anything.' Izzy seemed so sure her life wasn't going anywhere that she simply didn't care. That, or Izzy was simply happy with herself and her life. Sam had to believe it was the latter, otherwise Izzy wouldn't have spent at least fifty bucks to get into the convention for journalist programs in colleges. 'If only we all could be like that,' Sam thought.
Sam spent the longest at Metropolis University's table (half interested in the college, half watching Izzy), and she grabbed anything and everything the table had to offer for its college. There wasn't much new movement from Izzy, but Sam still seemed interested in what she might do, if anything. Was she there for the college as a speaker? No, she didn't speak to anyone else but her until she shouted, "Hey! Teeth! You're late!" That was when Sam had gotten everything she could, and backed away from the table to move on towards the college in Salem, Oregon, and possibly some of Washington's colleges (she heard once that the journalism courses in Western University wasn't bad) before bumping into someone. She turned quickly to the person she'd hit.
"I'm-" She stopped, seeing who it was. Same nose, same lips, same smile, which quickly faded once the eyes Sam once knew dimmed. Chloe Sullivan stood right there in front of her and Sam couldn't believe it.
Part Twelve: Leave It There
"Some people think I'm crazy, but you say it's okay..."
-You Get Me
This had to have been some sick joke her mind was playing on her, Chloe was sure of it. The phone call started it, and now she's stuck on it, on Sam. Now her brain was making her think that Sam was actually there. Maybe it was just another daydream, only not as weird as the tux dream she'd had the night before. 'Maybe,' Chloe thought hopefully, 'this is an illusion, and she isn't really Sam, but a girl who at first looks like her.' So sure that this was the case, she looked at the name tag, but there in Sam's familiar handwriting was the name Chloe had spent a lot of time trying to forget. She couldn't breathe, let alone speak. Luckily for Chloe, Sam spoke first. "You cut your hair," she said. "It looks nice." Okay, small talk. Chloe could handle small talk, she hoped.
"And... you grew yours out. Not bad." Sam's fingers went to the ends of her hair self consciously.
"Ah," It was then Chloe remembered that her Las Vegas contact Isabelle (or Izzy to those who valued their lives) Fredrick was there waiting for her, and that she was late getting to their meeting spot. "You two know each other," she said, not in a question, but more in a 'now I get it' or a 'I had a feeling about this' sort of manner.
"Uh- yeah, "Chloe said, mentally scolding herself for acting foolish in front of them, just because her ex-girlfriend was there. She had to admit, though, that Sam looked different, yet somehow the same. Her eyes, which had three years ago seemed suspicious and uncaring, now seemed saddened- more so than before. It seemed to Chloe that the lines of sadness had deepened in the last three years. Though still beautiful (and Chloe suspected she would always be), Sam looked as unsure as Chloe felt. "Well," Chloe said, building up all the strength and courage she had to do the hardest thing she ever thought she'd have to do, which was to walk away, "It was nice seeing you again, Sam." The brunette seemed to snap out of her stupor.
"W-Wait, Chloe, I need to talk to you. Can we meet up-"
"No, I-I have... This weekend is booked by the convention, and Izzy's showing me around. I've planned this for months." Chloe looked to Izzy for backup, but the African American seemed to be pretending she was anywhere but the spot she stood in.
"Please..." Sam pleaded, but stopped. Chloe sighed and leaned into Sam, close enough to be heard in a murmur.
"Sam, we've had a- for the most part- pretty good past together, but... let's leave it there." The brunette crossed her arms over her chest and looked down as if to protect herself from more heartbreak. Chloe realized too late what she was really doing. As a tear fell down Sam's cheek, Chloe saw the older girl's hand ball into a fist and start to knock against her red t-shirt.
"Okay," Sam said in barely a whisper.
"Come on, Izz," At the sound of her name, she slowly looked between Chloe and Sam, surprised. She seemed to ask 'who the hell are you', as if no one was supposed to be wherever she was then but her. The two of them started walking towards the stage, and Izzy looked back at Sam as if to wonder what just went on, even though she might have known better than Sam or Chloe did.
Part Thirteen: Second Chances
"You're in my heart; the only light that shines there in the dark..."
-You Set Me Free
Sam left the convention center right after Gurt Napier made is "I can do it, you can do it too," speech. Not that Sam heard a single word of it. What were the odds of seeing Chloe again without her going to Smallville or Chloe going to California? The brunette couldn't get over just how beautiful Chloe was, and wondered if she wasn't single. It would be a miracle if she wasn't, which made Sam (who was at that thought, walking towards a twenty-four hour diner) stop in her tracks on the sidewalk. Miracle. What if this was a miracle, their second chance at happiness, as she knew that being with Chloe again would make her the happiest woman in the universe? She looked up at the sky and sighed, determined now to take that weekend, that second chance, to do what she could to at least get Chloe to talk to her if she couldn't get her back.
Sam didn't know how she was going to do that, exactly, but whomever was smiling down at her wasn't going to give her all of the answers. She'd figure it out somehow, and as she waited for her food to arrive, she thought it over, but the only sure plan she had was to go to Chloe and apologize. A simple 'I'm sorry' wouldn't even begin to cover it all, and if this sixteen year old Chloe was anything like the thirteen year old she knew, Sam had a feeling that it would take a lot just to get the pretty blonde to talk to her. "I thought that was you, California. I see you're still on that mission of yours." Startled, Sam looked up just in time to see Izzy sit down across from her in the booth.
"California?" Izzy smiled her lazy smile.
"Everyone I know and like gets a nickname. Chloe's Teeth, and you're California. You don't like it, too bad, so sad." Sam shrugged, silently wondering what she had said or done in their brief contact to make the African American like her.
"I've been called worse," she said. The waitress brought her roast beef sandwich and dipping sauce, and Sam remembered that she'd skipped the continental breakfast and lunch. "You mind if I eat in front of you? I'm starving."
"No, you eat." Izzy watched as Sam took a huge bite from her sandwich. "I never thought girls like you ate that sort of thing."
"Why, because I'm from California, I want to be a supermodel or actress who eats a leaf of lettuce and a dab of ketchup?"
"Touchy subject?"
"Very much so," Sam said before taking another bite. "Sorry, I'm a grouch when I'm hungry-"
"No problem." Izzy gave her a far away smile, and Sam wondered where she was at that moment. "Hey Izzy? I know it's probably wrong of me to ask you this, but I have to try. Do you know where Chloe is staying?"
"Yes, I do know," was all Izzy said. 'Damn, I should have worded that differently,' Sam thought. Izzy's smile remained, as if to know Sam's thoughts. "It's probably wrong of ME to ask YOU this, but still..." There was a little bit of a smirk on her face that looked teasing. "I feel I must: What are you to Chloe?" That question stilled Sam's movements. It honestly stumped her.
"Well- I don't know... but she's everything to me," Sam said honestly. Izzy chuckled, and Sam wondered what was so funny.
"Good answer." She said nothing else as Sam looked at the table in thought. She didn't touch her sandwich again. After a long moment, Izzy spoke up. "I'll tell you what, California: That knocking thing you did really did something to Chloe. She won't admit to it, but it did. She's unfocused, and I have never known her to be like that. Ever. I know there's something between you two, some unfinished business and all that. I'll tell you where she's staying, but if she asks, you threatened my life and stole my casino chips while you were at it."
"Chloe wouldn't fall for that."
"Of course not, but it'd make her laugh." When Sam didn't respond, Izzy leaned in. "That was supposed to make you laugh, too. Before I tell you Teeth's location, I'll tell you this: Yes, you've got determination boiling within you, and yes, people will love you for it, but sometimes the best way to get through one of your missions is to sit back and let it accomplish itself before you go in with the big guns and explosions and special effects. Just you think on that." While the laid back African American woman spoke, Sam crossed her arms and listened to her words, nodding when she was finished. Izzy stared at her for a few seconds, then finally said, "Teeth got her room down the street from here, the Meridian Inn, room 214." Sam made a mental note to herself. "I know you want to leave now. I'll take care of the bill," Izzy prompted. Sam got up immediately, dug in her pants pocket for a twenty dollar bill (which would have paid for two and a half of Sam's sandwiches), and gave it to Izzy.
"You or that cute- er, uh waitress could keep the change... Just don't tell her or Chloe that I think she's cute." On a whim, she placed a kiss on Izzy's dreadlocks and practically skipped out of the restaurant, calling her gratitude on the way out.
"Go get 'er, California," the African American said under her breath, then she smiled, grabbing the uneaten half of the sandwich and taking a bite. When she swallowed, she muttered, "Chloe's gonna murder me."
Out on the sidewalk, Sam muttered, "Meridian Inn, 214," as a continuing mantra. She reached the somewhat unremarkable motel in less than five minutes, walking into the lobby as if she already had a room and was just going in for a rest. She was sure she looked suspicious, but no one stopped her on her way to the second floor. She looked for Chloe's room, which wasn't hard once she saw the sign saying 200-210 going one way, and 211-220 going the other way. When she found room two-fourteen, she hesitated and tried to get the roast beef and butterflies in her stomached to calm down. Then she covered the peep hole with the thumb of one hand and knocked with the other hand. She heard Chloe say, "Damn it, Izzy!" from inside, and Sam tried not to laugh. Then the door opened, and Sam's hand dropped to her side. Chloe looked as if she was about to say something, but didn't. Instead she pinched the bridge of her nose, and to the brunette, it looked as if Chloe was poking herself in the eyes.
"Chloe-"
"How'd you find me?"
"Google search," Sam said off the top of her head, not to be funny, but to keep Izzy out of trouble after she helped her and was her Yoda and all.
"Truth, McPherson!" Chloe almost snapped, and it startled Sam. For a moment, she was reminded of when half of Kennedy High had to attend sensitivity training at the school on the weekend.
"Izzy told me, but it wasn't her fault. I threatened her life and stole her casino chips while I was at it." Sam was surprised when Chloe actually laughed at that, just as Izzy said she would before the blonde went back to business. Sam didn't have the time to wonder what about that was so funny. Obviously, it was an inside joke, and she wished she knew the rest of it. 'But,' Sam thought, 'if it was an inside joke, then why did Izzy tell me that I was supposed to laugh at it too?'
"Whatever you've got to say, I don't want to hear it. I've said what I wanted to say at the convention center." Chloe begun to close the door, and Sam, out of desperation, put her hand on the center of the door. Chloe was surprised by how strong Sam was, or perhaps, how weak she herself had become.
"No-no wait. Can't you see? We were brought her together for a reason, Chloe. This is our second chance," Sam said. She didn't dare add that this was her second chance to make things right, though it was right there in her mind.
"No Sam. Life doesn't deal out second chances and do-overs. Life is about changing and adapting, learning from our mistakes and growing. The best we can do is move on."
"I don't believe that. There have been too many interventions which led me back to you to be called mere coincidence. Call it Fate or Destiny, but-"
"Stop it-"
"Chloe, why won't you talk to me?"
"Because the last time I tried to talk to you, you called me a telemarketer!" It wasn't the fact that Chloe had yelled at her that surprised Sam. The older teen had expected a little bit of yelling, but the fact that she'd ever call Chloe something so insignificant in her life was appalling to her, and she paused. Thinking it over, she remembered a phone call from Chloe, a piece of the story she had previously forgotten. Sam gasped, slowly lowering her hand from the door to her side. The motion made a squeak. She looked to the floor, then back up at Chloe, unable to keep eye contact.
"I fucked up," she said softly, her ace scrunching up in pain. She closed her eyes. Chloe caught sight of a tear in Sam's left eye before the brunette repeated in a pained whisper, "I fucked-" The blonde didn't hear the last word, but saw it on her lips. Chloe watched as Sam walked down the hallway at a quickened pace, defeated before the blonde closed the motel room door.
Part Fourteen: Here With Me
"I want you, but I'm not giving in this time..."
-Goodbye To You
Chloe let out a huff of air as she leaned her forehead against the door. She couldn't get the sight of Sam's tears out of her mind. She had kept thinking all that time since Brook's phone call that Sam didn't cry for her, yet there she had been with tears in her eyes, twice. It made pushing Sam away that much harder. She wanted with everything inside her to believe Sam's words, but she was so afraid of history repeating itself, and she couldn't handle that sort of heartbreak more than once. She didn't want to hear 'I love you', have a blissful weekend, then go back to Smallville without hearing another word from Sam. She knew it would only hurt her worse, and Chloe was just tired of hurting. She wanted to be happy, even if she was the only one she had for the rest of her life. Yet that small part of her that completely believed the words Sam spoke to her wondered if the brunette was right. Was this some sort of cosmic thing? A second chance from somewhere out there to get them back together because it was where they belonged? It was a beautiful thought, she had to admit. Being from Smallville, she'd seen what the cosmos can do to a town, a person.
A sound from outside on the ground floor scared Chloe into turning around and looking towards her window; a scream of hurt and frustration rang throughout the motel. She knew that it came from Sam. The scream came again, only the next time, words- or rather, one word, one name, was recognizable. "CHLOE!!" There was a pause, then Sam yelled, "CHLOE, I LOVE YOU! I NEVER STOPPED! I WON'T MAKE UP EXCUSES FOR WHAT HAPPENED. I KNOW YOU WON'T WANT TO HEAR THEM, ANYWAY. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M SORRY!! PLEASE! YOU'RE SO MUCH MORE THAN A TELEMARKETER! I DON'T EVEN CRY OVER TELEMARKETERS! CHLOE, YOU'VE BEEN ON MY MIND EVERYDAY SINCE CAMP, AND I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME!" Sam went on like that, and Chloe rushed to the balcony to shut her up before she said anything more or got arrested for disturbing the peace. She could hear the shouts for Sam to be quiet in not so nice language.
"Sam! Be quiet!" she hissed.
"I need to talk to you," Sam said stubbornly.
"No Sam. No more talking. Go back to your motel room and forget about us, okay? Please, before you get yourself in trouble."
"Not leaving until I talk to you, Chloe."
"Sam, we've both said what we needed to say - I love you, Chloe-"
"You've said that already," Sam sighed and Chloe turned back towards her room. When her hand touched the handle to the sliding glass door, she heard Sam speak up again.
"Wait!! Uh- It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror, I guess that I was blind, now my reflection's getting clearer. Now that you're gone, things will never be the same again," Sam sang. Chloe froze and couldn't seem to move. Had it been any other song on any other CD, Chloe would have scoffed and continued into the motel room and ignored the rest of it, but she couldn't with this song. 'How?' Chloe wondered, 'did she know that I secretly dedicated this song to her?' Not even Lana knew that Chloe wished to hear similar words from Sam in many of her recent daydreams.
"There's not a minute that goes by every
Hour of everyday
You're such a part of me
But I just pulled away
Well I'm not the same girl
You used to know
I wish I said the words I never showed,"
Slowly, Chloe turned towards Sam, who was losing her voice from all of the previous shouting, yet still she went on, looking only at the blonde and ignoring the shouts that came at her, good or bad. One person who had gotten on their balcony was looking down at Sam with a dreamy look on his face, but Sam ignored him, too. The look in Sam's eyes was the same as she remembered from camp, and Chloe knew her words, even in song, were true. 'But if you felt this way and so strongly, then what was there to be afraid of?' Chloe knew. She feared it, too, but she wouldn't have given Sam up because of it. Not when she loved her the way she had.
"I know you had to go away
I died just a little and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me"
The blond reporter held on to the rails as she watched Sam's full lips move, telling her everything Chloe wanted to hear. 'This is too uncanny,' she thought, and more and more she had to agree with Sam that something bigger than themselves was at play then. It all seemed to add up, or rather, not add up. The sudden thoughts of Sam for the past two months, the dreams, the appearance in the convention, a place that Chloe just HAD to be that year, and now the obsession with 'The Spirit Room' and a song that described Sam and their relationship perfectly. The fact that Sam, who she once thought of as her soul mate knew such song perfectly was just too much to be all coincidences. She just had to believe. She had to.
"You know that silence is loud when all
You hear is your heart
And I wanted so badly just to be apart of
Something strong and true
But I was scared and left it all behind
I know you had to go away
I died just a little and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me"
More and more, Chloe had to fight the urge to tell Sam that all was okay, that she knew the brunette loved her, but being just as stubborn as Sam, she said nothing, and she didn't cry. 'I can't trust this,' she chanted to herself.
"And I'm askin'
And I'm wanting you to come back to me
Please?"
Though she knew the bridge of the song was directed at her and was in need of a response, Chloe didn't- couldn't make any movement let alone speak to let Sam know that she got the hint. She could tell that Sam was hoping for an answer of some kind, but the blonde just stood and watched. She could tell that Sam's voice was almost gone, but she also saw the determination in her eyes as she continued on.
"I never will forget the look upon
Your face
How you turned away and left
Without a trace
But I understand that you did what you
Had to do
And I thank you
I know you had to go away
I died just a little and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me..."
"Sam-" Chloe said when the brunette was finished.
"Chloe-" The two young women called out to each other at the same time. Sam, though, tried again. "Please Chloe, give me a chance to talk to you. Or-" she hadn't meant to sound threatening, but her voice cracked and changed the tone of her word a little bit.
"Or what?" Chloe asked, leaning over the rail a little, looking now somewhat amused. Sam took on a somewhat playful tone.
"Or sadly, I will have to keep on singing."
"That's it? Sam, you can't make a girl like me go running off into the hills with a threat like that. Believe me or not, your singing voice- or what's left of it- isn't that bad."
"Tell that to my friends on karaoke night," Sam replied, but she was pleased. "Alright, I'm still going to sing until my voice goes out, but instead of Michelle Branch, it will be Michael Bolton." Chloe groaned loudly, wishing she had never told her in camp how much she hated his guts. It wasn't her fault, though. Sam, for some reason, liked that 'Go The Distance' song from the Hercules movie, and even that song made her cringe.
"You wouldn't," the blonde said matter of factly.
"Are you trying to challenge me?"
"Knowing you, I wouldn't have to try too hard." Sam crossed her arms over her chest, but she didn't knock on her heart that time. Chloe knew that the people watching them thought they were nuts, but she was enjoying the exchange and had almost forgot what they were playfully bantering over. When she remembered, her smile faltered.
"Oh really? I'll have you know Miss Thang, that my stepfather loves Michael Bolton, so whether I like it or not, I know a lot of his stuff. So, either I get to talk to you, or I am singing 'Time, Love, and Tenderness'," At the title of the song and Chloe's cringe, Sam's grin broadened. It was just like their banters in camp. "Still don't believe me?"
"Not on your life," Chloe said, then gasped at her outburst. Sam opened her mouth to start singing, and not wanting to hear one syllable of Michael Bolton, she shouted, "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!! Stop!" She stared down at Sam, and though part of her argued and fought her on it, she said, "One hour, okay?"
"One hour," Sam repeated.
"I'll be right down." Chloe then disappeared and went inside. She grabbed her purse then went to her bathroom and reapplied her light colored lipstick. As she messed with her hair a little bit, Chloe froze. "What am I doing?" she asked her image in the mirror. 'Just in case?' she asked herself in her head. 'Nah, I looked worse at camp, so if she really does love me, she won't care." With that final thought firmly in place, she left her motel room.
Part Fifteen: One Hour
"I was weak, and you were strong; And me and my guitar was strung along..."
-Sweet Misery
Chloe emerged from the lobby a moment or two after Sam's little performance (which earned the brunette a couple of winks and firm stares as she sipped on some water and waited for her ex-girlfriend). The security guard at the front desk kept close watch on her, so she made no other movements. As Chloe got closer, Sam smiled a small smile. Up close, they weren't old pals anymore. Up close, the pain could be seen at every angle. Up close and so far away, Chloe was the most beautiful woman Sam would ever know. Sam lead the way out the door to the sidewalk, where she walked towards a coffee shop she saw on her drive in. She spotted the nice hole in the wall type cafe' and opened the door for Chloe. Though she knew she would be up all night because of it, Sam ordered the largest French vanilla latte', and Chloe ordered some drink with a name longer than its ingredients list. The barista kept up, which surprised Chloe. It almost seemed to Sam that the blonde was testing the woman behind the counter, expecting her to fail. Then she took a sip, and the taste seemed to pleasantly surprise Chloe even more. "Hey, only Lana's ever gotten it right," she said, and the barista smiled.
"I'm from Seattle," was all she said as if it explained everything, and to the two young women, it did. Sam and Chloe sat down at the table nearest to the door, next to a window, and both were silent for a moment. Chloe's eyes focused on the people walking on the sidewalk and Sam stared at her hands wrapped around her drink.
"That day I called you," Chloe said after a while, "I was so excited because it meant so much to me, and I worked so hard around the house for that phone call because I missed your voice so much. When you said that I was just a telemarketer, well, it just hurt to know that I didn't even mean half as much to you as you meant to me. The funny thing is, I knew I'd always love you after that because I couldn't be angry with you, just hurt. I stayed in the closet, but I came out recently. I feel freer now because of it, and Lana's been a big help."
"That's what makes you stronger than me. You always have been. You never let things get to you the way I used to."
"I let you get to me," the blonde said softly.
"Do you regret it?" Chloe looked at Sam and slowly shook her head.
"No. But I did, and it hurt, so maybe I'm not as strong as you may think."
"You're strong enough to love even after being hurt. You've come out of the closet, and I haven't. You're strong enough to be different, to be you."
"It's only been recently that I came out, Sam. Before that, my life was a fake, being who I wasn't and loving who I didn't."
"No one knew I liked girls- a girl-" there was a pointed look at Chloe, "until my step-sister went through my boxes in the attic and showed me our picture. You remember that picture Wen took of us laughing at the polar bear divers?" Chloe nodded. "I still have it. I know that saying 'I'm sorry' won't make everything better, but I still want you to know that I am. It was shitty of me to call you a telemarketer, whether or not I knew you heard me," Sam said. She thought about what Chloe said about working to earn the phone call, and felt like the world's biggest piece of shit. "Chloe... I don't know what to do or say that'll make you see that I've loved you and no one else this whole time, but I'm willing to try anything. I love you, only you." When the blonde didn't say anything, nor do anything other than to play with her stir stick, Sam kept talking. "I thought about you all the time, wondering if you were working on some article. I wondered what mysteries you'd solved, or what you were doing, who you were with, hoping you were happy without me. I thought about us, what we would have been like as a couple had I not screwed up and let people influence me the way they had. I daydreamed about your kisses, and the times we spent under the stars... No one has ever made me feel the way you did. No one ever could..." Sam swallowed and asked a question that had been on her mind all day since she saw Chloe again in the convention center. "Do you still love me, Chloe?" At this, Chloe's hands stopped moving, and she looked up. First, her gaze went to Sam's face, then, as her eyes began to shimmer, they went to a point behind her.
"Your... hour's up, Sam," she whispered. Sam twisted her body around to look at the clock. Since the brunette had no clue when her hour actually started, she wasn't sure if Chloe was just saying that to end the whole thing, and even if it really wasn't over, Sam was letting Chloe call all of the shots. It was the least she could do, she felt. Besides, she hoped that this was partially what Izzy meant by letting the mission accomplish itself. Let it happen, let it unravel in the way it should. She didn't want to think about the definite possibility of it unraveling in the wrong direction.
"So it is," she agreed, swirling the almost full, still very warm cup of coffee in her left hand. "Thank you for giving me this chance. I didn't mean to talk your ear off." Sam got up and took a sip of her latte' as she searched for some sort of ending comment that could be said to make Chloe reconsider her hour. "Goodnight, Chloe," she said over her shoulder a moment later, doing her best and (and failing) to keep the hurt and disappointment out of her voice. She sighed as she walked out of the coffee shop.
Part Sixteen: Convince Me
"You've seen my secret garden, where all of my flowers grow. In my imagination, anything goes..."
-You Get Me
Chloe glanced at the clock again, then down at her stir stick before she got up and threw her mostly full drink away and ran after the brunette. "Sam!!" She watched the figure stop walking, but she didn't turn around. Chloe wondered if Sam was crying yet again, and wondered if there were many more times where she cried for her. Sam stood, holding her coffee cup loosely in one hand while the other went to her face. The blonde's inner question was answered, and her chest started to hurt a little bit, almost as it had the night before after that strange tuxedo dream. Chloe slowly approached the brunette, not sure exactly what to say to her. She just knew that she didn't want to say goodbye to her yet. "Hey, um..." Chloe slowly touched Sam's arm that was at her face, wiping away tears. The older of the girls sniffed, then lowered her arm to look at Chloe. "Hey, it's not safe here after dark. Izzy showed me around a bit and showed me a safer place to walk when the sun goes down around here. Come on."
"Okay," Sam said. Chloe hated that she lied to Sam, but she figured that the brunette would forgive her later if it came to that. Sure, Izzy said that some places around town weren't safe, but the area they were in wasn't that bad compared to others. Where they were was actually a teen hot spot on Friday nights. Still, Chloe directed them both to a park a couple of blocks out of the way, hoping that in the time they walked there she would find something intelligent to say to her ex-girlfriend. Chloe took an easy lead (as Sam was still in her slight daze as if Chloe's asking her to walk with her was a dream), and the blonde would look back every few step