Title: Grieving

Author: Geonn

Email: neil_j_miser@yahoo.com

Rating: PG13

Pairings: Sam/Janet

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Disclaimer: These folks don't belong to me. I stole them from MGM's toybox without asking their mommies for permission. I promise to return them more or less unscathed.

Archive: Yes, just let me know where it'll be.

Notes: Very sad, very very angsty. You have been warned.

Summary: Sam helps Janet through a rough time.


Sam Carter followed Jonas Quinn and Teal'c out of the Gate, Colonel O'Neill bringing up the rear. General Hammond was just entering the Gate Room, allowing himself a small grin as he saw that the team was uninjured.  She pulled off her cap and goggles, blinking a few times to help her eyes adjust to the relative darkness of the room.

"I take it everything went according to plan?" the General asked, turning his gaze to each member of the team.

O'Neill pulled his cap off as well, running a hand  through his short hair. "Yessir. Bugs and rocks and plants, oh my."

Hammond nodded with a smile. "Glad to hear it. We'll debrief in one hour."

The team started out of the room, O'Neill fishing in his pocket to find a coin to determine who got the lockers first. Sam was bringing up the rear - more than willing to give up first shot at the shower - when Hammond called her back.

"Major."

She stopped and moved back to the General's side. "Sir?"

He lowered his voice and said, "Dr. Fraiser wanted me to inform you that she was forced to leave rather suddenly."

"Is... everything all right, Sir?"

The General pressed his lips together, then shook his head. "I'm afraid not, Major."

---

Sam directed the rental car up the gravel driveway and parked just below the apex of the hill. Pulling off her sunglasses, she searched the rolling hills that spread out like a blanket on either side of them. Situated where they were, it seemed as though they were on top of the world.  The buildings that towered on either side of them were invisible and the emerald green grass seemed to touch the crystal blue sky. There was only one thing that ruined the peaceful image; the headstones standing at regular intervals, marking the graves of people that were only memories now. Sam had parked the car well to one side of the two-lane gravel road, allowing other mourners to get by. 

In the passenger seat, Janet finally stirred. She lifted her right foot and scooted it closer to the seat, putting one hand on her knee. Sam reached to her lover, squeezing the other woman's shoulder.

"You don't have to do this," Sam whispered.

"Yes, I do," Janet said, looking up and through her window.

The site they were visiting was no different than the others that surrounded them, except for the man standing at the front of it. He was wearing a heavy black trenchcoat and his hands were buried in the pockets. He looked as if it were below zero outside rather than almost topping one hundred.

"I have to do this," Janet repeated, trying to convince herself.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here," Sam said, looking down at the steering wheel. "I-I should have been here."

Janet turned, facing the blonde. "It wouldn't have made a difference," she sighed. "But I'm glad you're here now."

A few days earlier, while Sam had been camped out on P4A-443, Janet had received a call that told her that her mother was in critical condition following a heart attack. The elder Fraiser died while Janet was in the air. Janet had gone to the funeral but hadn't been able to watch her mother being put into the ground. Sam had caught the first flight out and had missed the funeral by hours. They had stayed up the entire night talking and Sam finally convinced her lover to come say good-bye to her mother.

The man standing at the gravesite had noticed their arrival, but made no move to approach them.

Sam climbed out of the car, put her sunglasses back on and walked around to the passenger side. She opened Janet's door and offered the smaller woman her hand. "You can lean on me if you want to."

Janet smiled and climbed out. She clasped Sam's hand tightly with her left hand, threading the other around Sam's arm. She held onto the blonde like she was a life preserver and allowed her friend and lover to lead her up the hill. Sam wore a black leather jacket that reached to the backs of her thighs over a white blouse and black slacks. Janet, on the other hand, was wearing a yellow sundress and flats, her hair down around her shoulders. She hadn't bothered with make-up, knowing it would be an exercise in futility with all the tears that were to come.

As they approached, the man at the gravesite turned. Sam had first met the man at Cassandra's first birthday party on Earth; Jameson Fraiser. Janet's father. Janet reluctantly untethered herself from Sam, squeezing her lover's hand before slipping completely away. She moved to her father and reached up, wrapping her arms around his neck and falling into him. When James straightened, Janet's feet came completely off the ground. He put both hands on her back and held her so that she wouldn't fall, then lightly lowered her back to Earth. He brushed her face and smiled sadly at her. "Hey, rugrat."

"Hi, Daddy," Janet said, her voice meek.

Still her father's daughter, Sam mused.

Janet glanced at the grave, then looked back at her father. "Did you want us to wait by the car for a minute or--"

He shook his head quickly, looking back at the headstone. He brushed his face in a move Sam knew was a cover to wipe away tears. "Nah. Nah... we've talked." He looked back at the two women before him and nodded once.

Janet stepped forward and opened her purse, pulling out a small black pouch. She had picked the packet up at Wal-Mart on the way to the cemetary, but hadn't explained to Sam what bird seed had to do with visiting her mother's grave. James took a step back, then looked at Sam. With a sad smile, he tilted his head towards the car and started down the hill. Sam wanted to follow him, but put a hand on Janet's shoulder before leaving. "I'll give you a minute. 'Kay?" Janet nodded and Sam squeezed her lover's shoulder. She turned and headed down the hill, sticking her hands into the pockets of her jacket.

James was leaning against the back of the car, his legs crossed at the ankles and his hands pressing against the trunk as if he was trying to prevent it from flying away. Though he wasn't a large man to begin with - Janet had apparently inherited his height genes - the rigors of the past week had definitely taken their toll on him. He had once been a powerhouse, a bundle of steel muscles hidden inside of a deceptively small package. Now, he looked like it was a struggle for him to remain standing. Sam leaned against the back of the car

"Sam," James said, his voice crisp now that there was some distance between him and his wife's final resting place. While his body seemed to be deteriorating, his voice was still as commanding as ever.

"Colonel Fraiser," Sam replied.

He chuckled. "Retired. Call me James."

Sam nodded and looked up the hill at Janet. The brunette was kneeling in front of the headstone, holding the strange packet of bird seed in both hands. Her head was hung low and she kept brushing tears away from her face with the back of her hand.

"James... can you tell me what the deal is with the bird seed? If it's a family thing, I understand..."

James laughed. "Marjorie hated visiting people in the cemetary and seeing plots without any flowers. She told us that what she really wanted was something useful to be put on her grave. She made me and Janet promise that, in addition to flowers, we would sprinkle bird seed around the headstone." Sam raised an eyebrow and James shook his head as another laugh rolled out of his chest. "I know, I know. But she liked the idea of a bunch of birds hanging around her after she passed on." His face softened and he quietly added, "Kate loves animals. Did..."

Sam winced and looked around. Another family was visiting another grave a few yards down. Sam kicked at the gravel, then looked up at Janet. The brunette was opening the packet now, leaning forward to spill the seeds on the fresh dirt.

"You love her?"

She blinked, surprised by the question and turned to look at her lover's father. "Pardon?"

He nodded up the hill. "Janet. D'ya love her?"

Sam followed his gaze. She and Janet had been friends for six years, lovers for three... They raised a child together, they worked together, they were best friends... "Mr. Fraiser, I never thought I could love another human being as much as I love your daughter. She fills voids in my life that I didn't know existed. I know I make her happier than she's ever been and she makes me happier than anyone else can. I love her with all my heart."

James was blinking rapidly, his eyes turned towards the crest of the hill and the setting sun. His eyes were sparkling and Sam knew he was fighting a losing battle with his emotions. Finally, his voice cracking, he said, "I... didn't really like the idea of-of you and my daughter at first. Took some getting used to, obviously. But if you truly feel that way about her, tell her. Tell her how she makes you feel while she's still alive. While she still needs to hear it."

Sam was taken aback by the man's plea. Had he left things unresolved with his wife? Sam looked up the hill and smiled. "I promise, Sir. She knows."

He nodded once. "Good."

They were silent for a long time, listening to the wind in the trees. After a few minutes of silence, Janet stood and brushed the dirt from her knees. She started down the hill, smiling sadly at her father and her lover. She embraced Sam, then rested her head on the blonde's shoulder. "I'm done," she said, her voice soft. Wiping a tear from the corner of her eye, she forced a smile and asked, "What were you guys talking about?"

James shrugged and jokingly waved a limp hand at his daughter. "Girl stuff." He kissed his daughter's cheek; he was one of the few people in the world who could accomplish the feat without having the bend over. "Take care, beautiful girl."

"I will, Daddy. See you at the house."

He nodded and turned to Sam. For the first time since Janet had revealed Sam's true place in her life, the Major saw acceptance in the older man's eyes. He gave her hand a firm shake before he turned and walked down the lane, hands buried in his pockets once more. Alone again, Janet turned and leaned against Sam, resting her head on the blonde's shoulder. Sam rested her hands on Janet's stomach and kissed her friend's temple.

Sam squeezed Janet gently. "Sad?"

Janet nodded.

"Wanna stay awhile?"

Janet nodded.

"Want me to leave you alone?"

Janet reaching up and clasping her hand to Sam's forearm. "No. Stay."

Sam nodded and hugged Janet from behind, sniffing the brunette's hair. As the sun set, the sky was painted with vibrant reds and yellows that seemed to stretch from horizon to horizon. The only thing the women heard was the sound of the wind waving through the tall oak trees that flanked the cemetary. As they watched, a pair of blue jays swept down from a tree and landed on Marjorie Fraiser's grave. They pecked hungrily at the seeds they had been left. Sam could feel Janet's sharp intake of breath at the sight and smiled, tightening their embrace.

Finally, Janet whispered, "Bye, Momma."

She turned to face Sam and rose onto her tiptoes, kissing her lover's mouth as gently as possible. Sam let her hands drift down, resting just before the swell of the brunette's buttocks. When they finally separated, Sam said, "You know how much I love you?"

"Tell me."

Sam pressed her lips to Janet's cheek, tasting the salty tracks of the other woman's tears. She kissed both of her lover's closed eyelids, then admitted, "I couldn't ever think of the right words. I-I love you... so much. I can't... articulate it." She closed her eyes, taking Janet's hand in her own. "I know without a doubt that I'm alive to love you. I hope we can... spend the rest of our lives together and I'll do everything in my power to make sure we do."

Janet blinked back tears. "What brought that on?"

"Your father," Sam chuckled.

Janet's eyes widened at that and she kissed the hollow of Sam's throat. "Let's go home." She stepped back, taking Sam's hand and guiding the other woman to the driver's side of the car. Once Sam was in place, Janet jogged around to the other side and paused, looking up the hill. She waggled her fingers at the headstone bearing her mother's name and once more said, "Bye, momma. See you later." As the car pulled off the shoulder, another pair of blue jays landed on the grave and took advantage of Marjorie Fraiser's last wish.


Geonn

Stargate SG1

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