Thirty Days

Author: Geonn

Rating: R

Pairings: Sam/Janet

Category: Pre-Slash

Disclaimer: These folks don't belong to me. I stole them from MGM's toybox without asking their mommies for permission. I promise to return them more or less unscathed. Excerpts from "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" and lyrics from various songs used herein are all copyrighted by someone or another and not a single one is used with permission.

Spoilers: Singularity, The Enemy Within, Emancipation, Enigma, The Broca Divide

Notes: I'm using the episode list that's on my Season One DVDs as the order for these episodes. According to the box, Singularity comes right before Enigma. The chronology of this story is up to each personal reader. My head started spinning in circles when I tried to keep track of it :-D

Summary: Sam temporarily moves in with Janet after the arrival of Cassandra.

Special Thanks to Hl for the banner.

Chapter One

Five days. Not even a full week has passed since my life was turned upside down and inside out.

I still find myself amazed by the sudden shift in my life. Four days ago, I was a single woman living in a huge house, content to keep to myself and live my life. That all changed with Cassandra.

Cassandra. Her frightened brown eyes still haunt me when I find time to sleep. She's so small, and yet has caused so much turmoil in my life.

I sound silly, complaining about the changes in my life when I think about this poor child. Her family, her friends, her entire *civilization* destroyed. Her own body used as a Trojan Horse to destroy people she never knew existed. A pawn in an intergalactic game of one-upmanship. When I think about my new life, it scares me. When I think of why she has a new life... it sickens me. So, regardless of the inconvenience to myself, I now have a daughter. I'm a mother. Talk about scared to death.

---

I knew it going in. I was fully aware when I agreed to take the girl under my wing that she wasn't coming alone. The moment that child stepped foot on Earth, Samantha Carter was attached at the hip. I felt myself growing uneasy as the moment came to move Cassandra in, but I managed to keep myself busy by tidying up the guest room. I made the bed that no one had slept in since I moved to Colorado Springs and arranged the photos on the walls. I had framed a half dozen pictures displaying some of the best Earth had to offer - the Grand Canyon, a lake at sunset, pictures of myself with SG-1, mountain ranges and the like - and hung them around the room. Oddly, I felt as if I were enticing a visiting foreigner to remain in the country. I smiled and adjusted a frame, momentarily glancing at the photo within.

The picture was a candid shot, a picture of Samantha Carter in the back of Colonel O'Neill's truck at the recent Fourth of July party. She had been up since five that morning and eventually crawled into the bed of the truck for a quick nap. I had climbed onto the wheel in search of a cooler of coke when I discovered the sleeping beauty. Her face had been covered by a baseball cap and her jeans and denim shirt were partially hidden by a blanket. I had snapped the picture on a whim, the flash of which had caused the blonde to jump a mile high. She had blushed and ordered me to destroy the film, but... I couldn't bring myself to destroy any image of the beautiful woman.

I stroked the glass covering the photo, wishing I could feel her warmth against my fingers. I sighed and stepped back. They would be here soon and I had a lot to get done.

---

Sam opened the door, climbing out of her car and moving around the back to pop the trunk. As she unloaded the suitcases, she noticed the passenger side was still occupied. She shut the trunk and placed the suitcases on the sidewalk, walking to the front of the car and knocking on the side window. It rolled down slightly and Sam smiled. "Hey, kiddo. This is it."

Through the glass, Cassandra peered at the house. She remained silent, as she had during the entire car trip, then cautiously opened the door. Sam stepped aside and allowed the girl to exit the vehicle. "You ready to see your new home?"

Cassandra kept her eyes on the house and whispered, "This is mine?"

Sam chuckled and knelt. "Well, not *all* of it. You have to share it with Janet... although, you might want to try calling her Mom."

Cassandra was silent, blinking slowly before she turned her gaze to Sam. "Why can't I stay with you?"

The blonde closed her eyes, sighing deeply. "I know you want that. I want it, too. But... it just wouldn't be possible. I work way, way too much to give you the attention you need. And my house is so small, I get the feeling we'd be running into each other and stepping on each other's toes so much it..." She brushed the girl's hair out of her eyes. "It wouldn't be possible, honey."

Behind her, she heard the front door of the house open and glanced over her shoulder. Janet was standing in the doorway wearing an oversized dress shirt that was buttoned crookedly and a pair of faded jeans. Sam smiled and waved before turning back to Cassandra. "I'll be here for you... Teal'c is keeping my home safe while I stay here, but it's only for a month. Okay?"

The girl nodded slowly, still looking extremely sad. Her eyes brightened at the thought of having Sam nearby, if only for a little while. She wrapped her fingers around Sam's hand and said, "Let's go."

---

I heard the car approach and headed downstairs, wishing I had dressed for the occasion. I was still wearing the same clothes I had cleaned in. I paused, glancing at myself in the hall mirror and grimacing at the sight that greeted me. My hair hung around my face in ribbons, my face completely devoid of makeup. I worked a little with my hair and finally clasped it with a bobby pin. That would have to do. I rested my hand on the knob, taking a deep breath as I tried to convince myself that I was ready for this, then unlocked the door. I pulled it open, stepping onto the front porch as if I were entering a firing range. Sam was kneeling on the sidewalk, one hand on each of Cassandra's shoulders. The girl had her eyes locked on the house.

Sam apparently heard me and turned, smiling one of her million-watt smiles and waving. I returned the wave and leaned against the doorframe. The girl looked so frightened... so lost. Sam stood and Cassandra took her hand. I felt a moment of panic rising from my gut and I forced myself to choke it down. This wasn't any child; this child was horribly traumatized. I had my work cut out for me.

Cassandra stepped onto the porch, keeping a watchful eye on me. I felt like the enemy. I knelt and smiled. "Hi, Cassie. Remember me?"

The girl frowned, then looked at Sam. "Who's Cassie?" she asked.

Sam grinned, then chuckled, "You are. Cassie is short for Cassandra... like Sam is short for Samantha."

"Oh," the girl said, her brow still slightly furrowed. She reached out and loosely gripped the fingers of my right hand, pulling it out and shaking it uncertainly. "Hi, Janet." She glanced quickly at Sam, then said, "Mom."

I was shocked at the name, then said, "Uh... Cassandra, you don't have to call me Mom if you don't want to."

She nodded and looked over my shoulder. I stood and stepped aside, motioning that it was okay for her to enter. "C'mon. You can check out the house if you want." Nervously, she glanced at Sam for confirmation before stepping into the entry hall. I smiled, then looked at Sam. "Hey."

"Hi. Hope you don't mind putting up a boarder for a few weeks."

"Are you kidding?" I chuckled. "I doubt she'll want anything to do with me for a couple of days..."

Sam sighed. "Don't say that. You saved her life... You're the hero here, not me."

I turned, nervously looking into the house. Cassandra - Cassie - was still standing in the front hall looking up the stairs. I grinned and suggested, "Maybe we should give her the guided tour." I stepped inside and moved towards the girl. Sam entered the house behind me and closed the door. I turned at the sound of the lock clicking, my eyes widening. Locked in a house with Sam Carter, a pre-teen girl the only thing between me and her... I swallowed and said, "W-what about the rest of your luggage?"

She smiled. God, that smile would be the end of me. "I think it can wait until later. C'mon, let's show Cassandra her room." She moved past me, lightly brushing my upper arm as she passed. I shivered at the minimal contact, trying to hide the redness in my cheeks. She placed a hand on the girl's shoulder and said, "Hey, let's check out your new room. Uh... where is your new room?" she asked, turning to me.

"Oh... oh, uh... at the top of the stairs to the left. It has a sign on the door that says 'Cassandra.' Can't miss it."

They started upstairs and I followed, trying to avoid the inevitable view of the beautiful blonde's hindquarters. I sighed and ran a hand through my messy hair. One month and she'd be out of the house. A safe distance away... a casual acquaintance. I could handle that...

Sam opened the door to my guest room, Cassandra's bedroom, and ushered the girl inside with a quiet gasp. "Wow... look at this." She turned to me and winked. "Christopher Lowell, eat your heart out." She stepped inside and eyed the rest of the room. "Very nice, Janet. Very nice."

I stepped into the room behind her and said, "Christopher who?"

Sam chuckled. "Christopher Lowell... he's an interior designer on one of those cable channels. Very fun to watch. He's one of those gay interior designers, so it's fun to watch him dance around."

I cringed, trying to see how serious she was. She and I had never really had a conversation about our sexual orientation, but I guess she just assumed I was as straight as she was. She did know I had been married to a man... I sighed. "Oh. Well, uh... this isn't from any magazine or TV show. I just threw a bunch of stuff together." The bed was made with a soft blue comforter, placed in the middle of the wall opposite the door. I had also placed a dresser next to the bed to house a small CD player and a clock-radio. Cassie didn't have any musical tastes yet, but as soon as she started liking bands I would fill the player with their discs. I just hoped she didn't go for those insipid boy bands.

Sam moved to the bed and sat on the edge. "Very soft." She looked up at the walls and said, "Ooh, and pictures." She stood, examining them. "Wow, you got-you got Mount Rushmore, and the Grand Canyon..." She turned to the girl and chuckled, "Of course, you don't know what either or those landmarks are, do ya?" She turned back to the wall... and her smile vanished. "Uh, Janet?" She took the picture of herself down, pressing it against her chest. "What, uh... why'd you hang this picture?"

I frowned and took the picture from her. It was the candid shot of her in the back of Colonel O'Neill's truck at the Fourth of July party. "What's wrong with this picture?"

Sam's face was a deep crimson. She blinked quickly, turning her back to Cassandra. "Why... I thought I told you to destroy this. Why did you develop it?"

"Sam," I said, trying to determine why she was acting so upset. "It's just a picture of you sleeping. What's the big deal about that? I think it's cute."

Cassandra had moved to the bed and was testing the mattress. She gingerly touched one of the pillows, then turned her attention to the pictures on the wall. Sam brushed a hair behind one ear. "Janet... I wasn't asleep."

I didn't understand. I looked down at the picture. Sam was laying in the bed of the truck, her hair mussed and her denim clothes half-covered by a blanket. Her left arm was sticking out at a 45-degree angle, poking against the blanket. Her lips were parted in a startled gasp and the other hand was pressing the blanket to her chest. I shrugged. "Well... then what were you doing?"

Sam lowered her voice and stepped closer, speaking through clenched teeth. "Call it... stress relief."

"What?" I whispered back. "I don't... What kind of stress relief?"

She closed her eyes. "Jack was traipsing around in speedos, Daniel was wearing some baggy trunks and it was the first time I'd seen Teal'c with his shirt off... I was a-a little overstressed and I was trying to get some relief." She raised her blonde eyebrows and indicated her beltline. "A little... relief?"

I blinked, trying to stifle a gasp as I realized what she was referring to. "I... Oh. I-I didn't know. Oh, geez, I... if I had known, I... I... Oh, God, Sam, I'm..."

She smiled, trying to hide her unease. "It's okay. I was just curious why you thought this picture would be appropriate for Cassandra's bedroom." She shook her head. "Or any bedroom. Where have you been keeping this since you took it?"

I suppose 'next to my bed' would make her a little more uncomfortable. I told the first lie of many and shrugged, "Actually, I couldn't find a place for it. I've been keeping it in a drawer."

"Thank God," she sighed, taking the picture from my hands.

I reluctantly let her take it, then said, "Uh... I could make sure it gets destroyed for you." Or pretend it's been destroyed...

Sam shook her head. "I'd like to take care of this personally, if you don't mind. It's a little embarrassing to realize it still exists after all this time."

I swallowed and nodded. She didn't trust me. "Ah... yeah. Okay." She pulled the photo from the frame and folded it, sliding it into her belt and handing the empty frame back to me. I took it and looked longingly at the empty brown frame that had once housed the captain's visage. Sam sighed and clapped her hands. "Well... that little trauma is over. Who wants pizza?"

Cassandra looked up, suddenly interested in the conversation. "What's pizza?"

---

That night, we rented "The Wizard of Oz" and ordered pizza from Dominoes. The pizza guy arrived with a steaming hot pizza and a semi-cold 2-liter of soda. Sam paid the man, offering him a two dollar tip and headed into the dining room with her the box balanced on one hand like a tray. As she passed through the living room to the kitchen, Cassandra's head tilted towards the blonde and she sniffed twice. "What's that smell?" she asked. "Is that the... p-pizza?"

She stumbled a bit over the word, but I felt insanely proud that she had gotten it right. "It sure is, Cassie. Why don't we let Sam make a couple of plates and you and I can watch a little bit more of the movie?"

The girl ignored me, climbing up off the floor and hurrying into the dining room after the captain. I stifled a sigh and stopped the tape, following the enticing aroma of the pizza box. Sam had set it on the table and Cassie approached carefully, her eyes widening as the smell became stronger. Finally, she placed her hands on the cardboard, popping the top open. She smiled down at the cheesy concoction, tentatively touching one pepperoni. Eagerly, she grabbed one slice by the crust and picked it up. Before I could stop her, she had taken a large mouthful and was chewing thoroughly.

She froze in mid-chew, her eyes widening as the heat of the pizza caught up with her. Her bottom lip slowly dropped, quivering as tears began to form in her eyes. I grabbed a paper towel off the roll, knocking the roll to the floor in the process. Placing the towel under Cassie's mouth, I said, "Spit it out, honey... just spit it out." She complied, leaving me with a handful of soggy, half-chewed pizza. I wadded the towel up, tossing it in the garbage as Cassie began to cry. I placed my hands on her shoulders, lowering myself so we were eye-to-eye. "You okay? You want some water or a soda?"

Cassandra turned, ignoring me completely and dashing into the kitchen where Sam had disappeared. I followed, beginning to feel like little more than a lapdog. Sam was already hugging the girl, whispering comforts as Cassie told her what had happened. Sam smoothed the girl's hair and pulled back, offering a small grin. "You won't let this turn you against pizza, will it? It's really good."

Sniffling, Cassandra said, "I guess not... but only if you eat a slice first."

Sam laughed. "Deal. Now, why don't you go back in there and your Mom and I'll bring out some plates."

"Okay," Cassie relented. The tears in her eyes were already gone as she brushed past me.

I sighed and shook my head, running a hand through my hair. "God... That was fun."

Sam turned back to the cupboards, pulling three plates from the dish cabinet. "Could've been worse," she shrugged. "Why didn't you stop her? I mean, you knew the pizza was hot."

I frowned. "Stop her? I didn't realize what she was doing until the pizza was already in her mouth."

Sam pulled three forks from the flatware drawer and turned to face me. "You should've been watching her more carefully. What if she had gotten burned? What if she didn't want to eat because of that? Really, Janet... you have to keep an eye on them every second."

"Wait... this is *my* fault?!"

Sam blinked, then said, "It's no one's *fault,* Janet. Nothing bad happened, there's nothing wrong with her other than being a little scared. Just be more careful next time."

I could hardly contain myself. "Wait, wait, wait one second. Where do you get off telling me to be more careful?"

"Janet," the blonde said, a bit taken aback by my outburst. "I'm not the enemy. I'm just saying that Cassandra is new to this corner of the woods. We have to keep our eyes on her, twenty-four, seven. It's not your fault that she took a bite of the pizza. It's just..." She sighed, leaning against the counter. "You should've known that hot pizza would've burned her mouth. Wasn't it obvious how hot the pizza was?"

I stepped up to Sam, lowering my voice so Cassandra couldn't overhear. "Don't talk to me like I'm a five-year-old who let her brother play with matches. She took a bite of hot pizza. She burned the roof of her mouth. Big deal. We've all done it. Don't try to condescend me. I am supposed to be her mother, you are the houseguest. Don't tell me how to raise her."

Sam turned. "Why are you so angry?" She was leaning on the counter, keeping an eye on the door that led to the dining room. "Is it because she ran to me instead of you? Are you jealous or something?"

I glared at her, ready to rip her a new one, when I realized I had absolutely no argument. I released a breath and felt myself sagging. "I'm supposed to be her mother, Sam. When she burns her mouth, she's supposed to run to me." I brushed my hand across my cheek, then said, "I suppose it'll never be that way, huh?"

"Don't say that," Sam breathed. "I can tell she wants this. She wants life to be normal again. And normal doesn't constitute a mother who's constantly running off-world and staying away for days at a time. She doesn't want a mother who willingly puts herself on the front line of a war. She wants a loving, caring, emotional, there-for-her mom. That's you, Janet. It'll just take her time to realize that."

As I felt the heat of my anger dissipating, I found a new feeling replacing it. I wanted to be able to share this moment with Sam as more than a friend. I bit my lower lip and said, "Cassie's probably waiting for the plates. I'll grab the glasses."

Sam smiled and whispered, "Okay." She slipped past me and through the swinging door of the dining room. As soon as she was gone, I fell against the counter and covered my face with both hands. Holding back the tears I felt coming, I splashed my face with a little water and checked my makeup in the glass of the window over the sink. "Sam is your friend," I whispered to the ghostly image of myself reflected in the window. "Sam is your very heterosexual friend. Sam is never going to be your lover." Although my voice cracked on that final thought, I felt capable of containing myself for the length of one measly meal. I smoothed one hand over my blouse and pulled three glasses from the cabinet before slipping back into the dining room.

Sam looked up, smiling as she saw me. "Ah, there's the special lady."

My heart was pounding a staccato rhythm against my ribcage as I placed the glasses on the table and unscrewed the lid of the soda. I poured a glass and sat it in front of Cassandra, smiling and gently saying, "It's okay to take a drink of this right away. It won't burn you."

The girl smiled and took a sip. The fizz tickled her nose and I saw her smile at the sensation. As she placed the glass back on the table, she looked at me and shyly said, "Thanks, Mom."

My breath caught in my throat and I blinked. Mom. I composed myself and poured a glass of soda for Sam. As I set the glass down, she put her hand on top of mine and squeezed. I looked into her eyes and she grinned, mouthing 'Mom.' I smiled back, biting my lip as I poured my own drink. As I sat, Sam served two slices of pizza onto each plate and informed Cassandra of her options to eat with or without a fork. Once the explanation was done and the girl had opted for the silverware, we began to eat.

I was halfway through my first slice when Cassandra looked up and matter-of-factly asked, "If Janet is my Mom, does that make Sam my Dad?"

The problem with being the only doctor present was that I couldn't give myself the Heimlich.

Chapter Two

I slumped into the only chair in my bedroom, the kind that had four wheels in a cross formation and a manueverable back. The back of the chair tilted as I leaned against it, allowing the spine of the seat to comfortably accommadate my position. I had left the overhead light off and sat in the darkness, contemplating Cassandra's seemingly-innocent question. Sam had answered with a patronizing smile. "No, honey, I'm not your Dad. I couldn't be your Dad because... well, your Mom and I are both women. Parents don't work like that here." Cassandra informed us that on Hanka, a child belonged mostly to a group of people who took responsibility for the upbringing of a child. I was a bit intrigued by this method of rearing an offspring, but was able to push it aside by focusing on my pizza.

Later, isolated in my bedroom, I was able to fully appreciate the benefits of this method of parenting. There were, of course, drawbacks. Like how could a girl, raised by an entire community for twelve years, adjust to the fact that she only had one parent, let alone adjust to obeying a single parent? How could I possibly compete with a town, for cryin' out loud?! I blinked and made a mental note to pick up a copy of "It Takes a Village" the next time I stopped at Borders.

My ergonomic chair was positioned in front of my mother's antique rolltop desk. I drummed my fingers on the curved face of the desk for a moment, then rolled over to my bedside table. The keys rested next to the novel I was halfway through and I picked them up before pushing myself back to the desk. I unlocked the top and pushed it up, clicking on the little desk lamp I kept inside. This desk was my last area of privacy, my sole fortress of solitude. Several blank sheets of paper lay in front of me, framed by an assortment of empty candy wrappers. Feeding my addiction, I dug into one of the drawers and produced a Mr. Goodbar.

As I unwrapped it with one hand (a skill I was unusually proud of), I pulled a sheet of paper from one of the shelves. I had folded it three times the night before and placed it on the secure shelf before going to bed. I broke off three squares of my candy, placing the remainder on the open wrapper as I unfolded the note I'd written to myself. Unlike most doctors, my handwriting was notoriously neat. I wrote in clear script... when I wanted to.

The note bore last night's date. I nibbled on my candy as I read the words I'd written almost twenty-four hours ago. The note started the same as all of them, the same opening since I was sixteen.

"I made it through another day. "Althought this one, I assure you, took some of it out of me. The girl we've been fighting to save will - miraculously - live. The item placed within her chest has dissolved to nothing and should remain harmless as long as she is kept away from the Stargate. She seems to be adjusting extremely well to life on Earth, considering what she's been through. Jack O'Neill purchased a puppy for her and, after many hours of debating, agreed to keep it at his house for the time being. I have enough houseguests as it is without complicating things. "Oh, I haven't told you about that, have I? It seems that in volunteering to take Cassandra under my wing, I've also invited Samantha Carter into my home. She promised me the duration of her stay will be one month and not a minute longer. How will I manage to survive this torture? Since my infatuation began, I've told myself that I will be fine as long as I only see her at work. I can handle it if I only see her at work. It won't be a problem as long as I only see her at work. "Why didn't I think of a Plan B?"

I sighed and refolded the note, preparing to add it to the pile of already finished notes. Unfortunately, that stack had taken up most of the alloted space. Sighing, I slipped it onto a new shelf.

I pulled a clean sheet in front of myself and picked up a pen, wetting the nib on my tongue as I began to write. "I made it through another day." As I finished writing the familiar phrase, I heard a gentle tapping at my door. I turned and saw Sam Carter peeking into the room. Her hand was over her eyes and she was smiling. "Are you decent?"

"Hardly ever," I chuckled, "But I am dressed."

She took her hand away and sighed, "Darn. Well, I guess I'll look anyway." She winked and continued, "I just wanted to tell you that dinner and the movie were both wonderful. I had a great time tonight."

Why was she doing this to me? "I had a-a great time, too."

She was leaning against the door, one hand on the knob and trying to think of something to say. I noticed her eyes drifting to the crinkled wrappers that littered the surface of the desk and quickly look away. My secret candy stash had been discovered. I leaned back in my chair and smiled. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. Um... the sheets in my room."

I nodded, waiting for her to continue. She didn't. I prodded, "Yeah?"

She shook her head, running a hand through her hair. "Uh... you know what? Forget it."

I was out of my chair and across the room before she could close the door. "No. What's wrong?"

Pursing her lips, she closed one eye and leaned against the door frame. I was close enough that I could've reached out and brushed away that hair that had gotten caught on her left eyelash. I could've. But I didn't. I stuck my right hand under my left arm and quietly began popping my knuckles to keep from succumbing to temptation. Sam finally relented. "Okay, uh... the sheets are white."

I gasped and stepped back. "Oh, my God! Why-why didn't you *say* something?!"

She smirked at me and said, "Ha. Ha. I know, it's stupid."

I chuckled. "What is it?"

"Ever since I was a kid, I've slept on-on blue sheets. It's no big deal, it's just... the only time I *don't* sleep on blue sheets is when I'm in the hospital or-or sleeping with someone else. Not that being in a hospital is a bad thing, you know, it's just..." She sighed and decided to forgo all explanations. She blinked and said simply, "I was just wondering if you had any blue sheets." She quickly added, "I mean, if you don't, that's fine, I just..."

I winked and said, "I have blue sheets on my bed. Wanna sleep with me?" I wished I had the dexterity to kick myself in the ass. It was impossible to gauge in the dim hallway, but I could've sworn Sam was blushing. I added, "Or, if that's too uncomfortable, we could switch sheets."

She winced. "I don't want to cause any trouble."

"No trouble. We have a little while before lights out anyway. I'll be happy to trade."

Grinning happily, Sam said, "Great. I hope you don't think I'm being an impossible house guest. It's just--"

"I totally understand," I assured her. "We'll get Cassie to sleep and then we'll do the trade-off. I'll even help you make the bed."

She smiled. I forced myself to look anywhere but her mouth. I failed. God, her smile.... She turned and disappeared down the hall, practically skipping down the stairs. I rested my head on the doorframe and grit my teeth. "I have blue sheets on my bed," I hissed, mocking myself. "Wanna sleep with me?" I closed the door and moved back to the desk, throwing myself into the seat. I clicked the pen three times, set it down, then picked it back up and clicked it open once more. Finally, I put the pen on the desktop and lowered the cover. It was the first time in almost fifteen years that I hadn't written a note to myself.

---

One of my favorite all-time movie scenes is the part in the movie when Elliot's mother is about to discover ET hiding in his room. She goes into the closet and scans the rows of his toys and the cutest ugly alien in the galaxy is stuck in the middle, trying his best to look like a doll. That's how Cassandra looked on her first night in her new bed... well, except for the ugly part, of course. Jack and Daniel had gone a little overboard trying to make the girl feel welcome and their various gifts lined the bed like an army of plush protectors. Sam had to lay a few on the floor to have room to sit. She brushed Cassandra's hair out of her face and said, "Are you sure you want 'em all on your bed like this? Might get a little crowded."

Cassandra snuggled up to a large brown bear. "I like them. They make me feel safe."

Sam smiled. "Okay. How's this? Tomorrow, we take one away... and the next day we take another one away. We keep doing that until you're left with your very favorite and he can keep you company as long as you want."

The girl smiled, then asked, "Well... what if I change my mind and want a different toy?"

"Then we switch protectors." She winked. "After all, everyone needs a night or two off." She kissed the girl on the forehead, then said, "Say goodnight to your Mom, 'kay?"

She stood, allowing me to occupy the vacant spot on the mattress. I felt like a second-string quarterback being called in to kick the final field goal. I smiled at the girl, then said, "I'm gonna be right down the hall, okay? If you get scared or need *anything*, just give me a call and I'll come running. Okay, honey?"

"Okay," Cassie said softly. "I'd like that." I was up off the bed, ready to celebrate my first real victory in parenting, when Cassandra said, "But... Sam will be closer, right?"

The question was like a million bee stings in the back of my neck. I half-turned, patting the girl's barely-visible hand. "Yeah, honey. Sam'll be closer." I blinked, then forced a smile. "You s-should probably just call for her."

I moved quickly to the door and slipped into the hall. Behind me, I heard Sam wish Cassie sweet dreams and the click off the light switch before I was aware of her joining me in the hall. The gentle click of the bedroom door alerted me to the fact that we were separated from her, so I released a breath I had been holding. Sam placed her hand on the small of my back and whispered, "Hey."

I turned, blinking away tears. "God, Sam... she'll never see me as her mother. It's useless." I felt something tickling my nose, right next to my eye. I didn't want to cry in front of the captain. I did *not* want to cry in front of the captain. I swallowed a lump in my throat and then, against my wishes, I began to cry in front of the captain. "I... Maybe she should just move in with you. I could be her nanny or something."

Sam stepped forward, threading her arms under mine and placing her hands on my shoulderblades. She pulled me against her, cradling me to her chest as she whispered, "Shh... it's okay, Janet. Everything will be fine." She brushed my hair and I felt myself calming. As the hurt faded, I became painfully aware of how close I was to the object of my affection. I stepped back, sniffing and brushing my hand against my cheek. Sam whispered, "It's only the first day, sweetheart. She'll come around. Notice she doesn't call *me* Mom?"

"Cause that's what you told her to call me," I said. The sharpness of my accusation was softened by the smile I wore. I sniffled once more, then said, "Thank you for your help. This would... would be hell without you."

She took my hand, rubbing the flesh between my thumb and forefinger with the pad of her thumb. "You know what I do in these situations?"

I didn't know when she'd ever been in a situation like this, but out of curiosity I shook my head no.

She smiled. "I trade sheets with my best friend."

I laughed, covering my mouth. I had completely forgotten about the blue sheets/white sheets situation. "Okay. No problem. Just, uh... go strip the bed and I'll bring my sheets in."

As she moved to the door of her bedroom, she rested against the door and struck a comicly seductive pose. She pursed her lips and said, "Ees ze bed all ju vant me to strip, Meester Bond?"

Despite myself, I chuckled. "Very funny, Anita Hotmuffin. Just get in there." I heard her laugh as she disappeared into the bedroom. I went into my own room and began to bundle the blankets up. The first day was almost over, I reminded myself. Twenty-nine to go...

---

I carried the sheets down the hall in a bundle over one arm. It had been a long time since I'd been up this late and I was on duty in about seven hours. I tapped on the door of Sam's room and slipped inside, immediately regretting the decision. The blonde had her back to me, turned towards the window. She had stripped out of her clothes and stood before me in a pair of cream-colored panties. She pulled an oversized t-shirt over her head and turned, tugging it into place. She smiled and said, "Ah, the blue sheets... I really owe you for this, Janet."

I moved towards the bed, forcing a smile as she removed the pillows and blankets, laying them on the floor next to the bed. I glanced back at her and noted her bare legs, hardly ever visible behind her countless uniforms, jumpsuits or jeans. "Ya know," I said, praying I sounded casual as I pulled the offending white sheets off the bed, "you really have great legs. You should wear more dresses."

She looked down at herself, then shrugged. "Really? I don't know... I've never really been a dress sorta girl. And what about you?" she said, indicating my own bare legs. I was wearing the boxer shorts I sometimes slept in and suddenly felt self-conscious. "You're one to talk about great gams."

I blushed and said, "I wear dresses all the time. Uniform, remember?" I stood and handed Sam the blue sheets. She began to dress the bed and I stepped back, using her distraction to admire her form as it moved under the tshirt. I decided a change of subject was in order. "So, is this what you sleep in off-world?"

She laughed, then straightened, looking down at her body. "Yeah, right. The guys would *love* that." She finished tucking the sheet under the mattress reached for the pillows. "There was one world that I nicknamed Sauna Planet... I took everything off and covered myself with a loose jumpsuit. But that was the night I slept away from the camp. Teal'c thought I was endangering myself, but--"

"You would've been in more danger sleeping next to Jack O'Neill."

Laughing, Sam pointed at her nose and said, "Exactly." I picked up the blanket and threw it on the bed, straightening the edges. When I finished, Sam sighed and said, "Well... I suppose I will see you in the morning... Mom."

The word still sounded weird to me. "Actually, you'll see me in the afternoon. I'm on duty at six."

"Ouch," she winced. "Well... have fun. I may do some cleaning since I'll be cooped up inside all day. Maybe show Cassandra around town and get her comfortable."

The thought of the two of them having free reign of my house felt a little uncomfortable. Not that I didn't trust Sam, it was just something I wasn't used to; coming home to someone. I raked my fingers through my hair and sighed, looking over the bed we'd made together. "Well, it won't pass an inspection, but it's good for sleepin'." I winked and said, "See you tomorrow, Sam."

"Night," she said. "Sweet dreams."

I waved over my shoulder as I slipped out of the room, closing the door behind me. I slumped against the doorframe and exhaled softly. When I got my legs back underneath my body, I made my way down the hall and returned to the sanctuary of my bedroom. The clock read 11:34. Day one was still a half-hour from being over. How could I possibly survive a whole month?

---

My sleep had been filled with unbidden fantasies starring Samantha Carter. I tossed and turned most of the night, constantly waking myself after the tremendously erotic dreams reached their - pardon the pun - climax. At a quarter of four, I climbed out of bed and stripped out of my sweat-soaked nightclothes. Nude, I walked to the bathroom sink and turned on the vanity lights, examining my tired visage in the mirror. I brushed my hair with my fingers, attempting to loosen curls and straighten knots that I had acquired during the sleepless night I had just endured. I straightened, holding my long hair on top of my head with both hands and turned to examine myself in profile.

My skin was glistening in the dim light, an side effect of the passionate dreams that had roused me from slumber. The fact that my nipples were standing at attention indicated another by-product of the fantasies. I let my hair fall, watching as my face was obscured by the too-long locks. I smiled at myself from behind the bangs, then moved into the bathroom for a shower. Any hope for sleep was gone.

I pushed aside the smoked-glass of the shower door and climbed inside, instantly turning the cold knob all the way on. Frigid water pounded against my flesh, chilling me to the core. I sighed and rolled my head on my shoulders, closing my eyes as I turned my back to the faucet. The water felt so good... heavenly. Absently, I turned and caught some water in my hands, gently rubbing my breasts.

Soft hands pressed against my back and slid upward, resting on my shoulders as a familiar voice whispered, "Would you like me to do your back?"

I pressed back into Sam Carter's nude body, feeling the weight of her breasts against my skin. "That would be great," I whispered. Her hands slipped under my arms as they had in the hallway, only this time she was reaching from behind. She held my large breasts in her hands, the pebbled nipples pressing into her palms. I smiled and arched my back, filling her hands completely. She squeezed. I moaned.

She released me with one hand and I felt her fingers traveling down to my stomach. My heartrate began to climb, reaching astronomical levels. As I felt her hand rest upon the patch of brown hair between my legs, I became aware that my face was very cold. I pushed the thought away, wondering how that could possibly be prudent now that my dreams were all coming true. My eyes opened. All my dreams, coming true?

Damn it.

I was sitting on the small stool built into the shower stall, my legs spread and my hand resting between them. The water pouring down from the faucet was splashing coldly against my face and I grimaced, reaching over and turning the spray off. My fingers and toes were all pruned and I was shivering in the cold bathroom. Rubbing my face, I pondered standing and leaving the bathroom, toweling off and heading downstairs. But I knew that any attempts to get ready would be thwarted.

Defeated, I leaned back and rested against the cold wall of the shower as my hand returned to it's task. Minutes later, I needed another shower.

---

A few hours later, I was safe behind my desk. SG-6 wasn't due to report in until 1300, so I had some time to kill while I waited for the inevitable physicals that were necessary to clear them. At least today didn't have anything SG-1-related. I tried to relax myself by filling out mundane reports, examining the results of several tests I'd run, then checked my watch. Still an hour before the team's scheduled return. I reclined in my chair, contemplating raising my feet onto my desk. No, I told myself, that would be too relaxed and I would risk falling asleep once more. After the excitement with Cassandra, the hassle of moving her in and the unwanted dream marathon last night, I was seriously worn out.

I kicked off the dreadful shoes they made me wear on duty and crossed my legs, pulling my foot up and gently massaging the sole. I closed my eyes, allowing the wonderful sensations my fingers were making to lull me into a sort of stupor. My fingers trailed up along the line of my toes and then down to tickle the firm flesh of my heel. I sighed, using the thumbs of both hands to rub the middle of my foot.

"Would you like me to rub higher?"

I jumped, looking down at the blonde kneeling before me. "Sam?! What are... what are you doing here? I thought you were home with Cassandra?"

Sam rose so that we were face-to-face. "I couldn't stay away from you, Janet," she whispered, her voice husky with desire. She stroked my face, tenderly tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. She leaned forward and said, "I need you." Her lips briefly met mine and she moaned, "I need you... now. Dr. Fraiser. Dr. Fraiser, I need you."

My heart was pounding. "Call me Janet," I pleaded.

"Okay," said the confused orderly standing in the door of my office. "I need you... Janet."

I sat up in my chair, eyes immediately popping open. Shit! How much had this guy seen? I straightened my clothing, happy to see that my foot had returned to the floor after I fell asleep. I blinked several times, trying to make my office come into focus, then rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. "Okay, uh... what's the problem?"

"SG-6 came back early with injuries. Captain McIntire is hurt pretty badly."

I exhaled slowly and pulled my shoes on. "Thanks... I'll be there in a minute." He started to disappear, but I called after him, "And go back to Dr. Fraiser!" He waved his assent through the window as he hurried back to the infirmary. I fell into my chair, slumping over and resting my head on the desk. One month. Four weeks. Thirty days. However you phrased it, it was an eternity.

---

I dropped my keys on the desk next to the front door and released a heavy sigh. It appeared as if SG-6 had stumbled upon a Goa'uld trap. Captain McIntire had eventually died from his injuries and the leader of the team was under observation in the infirmary. Then, during the drive home, the heavy black clouds that had been hovering over Colorado Springs began to deliver fat raindrops on my windshield. All in all, an awful day in my private little world. Sam's motorcycle hadn't been visible in the driveway, so I assumed she and Cassie were off doing something together. Hopefully somewhere indoors, judging by the weather. I poked my head into the living room, making sure I was alone. The vaccum cleaner stood in the center of the room and I recalled Sam's offer to clean a little while she was 'cooped up all day.' I wasn't sure whether to appreciate the offer or be offended by the need for her to offer. I decided that appreciating it caused me less work.

I untucked my blouse from my skirt as I headed up the stairs, wishing I had some sort of elevator or escalator to take me to my bathroom. Stairs were just too complicated for situations such as this. I had the top two buttons of my uniform blouse undone when I pushed open my bedroom door... and froze. My heart stopped beating. The color drained from my face. Time slowed to a standstill as I tried to comprehend the scene in front of me.

The front of the rolltop desk - my santuary - was rolled up, exposing my privacy.

The candy wrappers that I had collected on the desktop were all gone.

And Samantha Carter was sitting in my chair. My personal, private chair.

And she was reading my notes.

The notes that described my love for her. The notes that I had poured my heart into. The notes that I used to express my inner most thoughts. The notes that I had never meant for anyone other than myself to read. She was reading my *notes*. I somehow found my voice and managed to snap, "Sam?!"

She looked up, blue eyes wide as she realized she had been busted. "Oh."

Time stood still for that moment. I had two options; turn and run, pretend that I had never been here and ignore this had happened. Or, I could stay and see this crisis through.

Against my better judgement, I stayed.

Chapter Three

"Oh?!" I snapped. "That's all you have to say?" I stormed across the room and pulled the notes from her hand, using my fingers to crumple them. "How dare you invade my privacy like that?!"

She stood, her eyes wide with fear. "Janet, please... just-just let me explain, okay? Last night when I came in here and asked about the sheets, I noticed all the candy wrappers on your desk. I thought since I was cleaning up anyway, I might as well tidy this up, too." She looked down at her hands, nervously wringing them together. "I honestly didn't think you'd be mad."

During her explanation, we had danced in a circle. She was now closer to the bedroom door and I was standing guard in front of my desk. "You didn't think I'd be... how did you find the key?"

Her brow furrowed momentarily. "K-key? It wasn't-wasn't locked. I... I didn't need a key."

I kicked myself. The chaos last night around Cassie and the whole sheet fiasco had distracted me. Damn it, all those months of being careful and I throw it all away on the first night it was at risk. I decided to do damage control and took a deep breath, closing my eyes. "How much did you read?"

"Just the first couple," she assured me. "I swear, just those two or three you have in your hand. I saw how disorganized it was... I wanted to tidy it up a bit."

I was seething, but eager to see how much she had discovered. I lifted my hand to my lips and anxiously chewed on my thumbnail. "Could you... leave me alone for a while? Please?"

She nodded quickly and backed out of the room, closing the door behind her. Once I was alone again, I dropped into my chair and began pouring over the notes I held. The first was safe enough, describing my first day at the SGC and the wonder I had felt upon seeing the Stargate in operation. No big deal. I tossed it aside and read the next one. I gasped; the first note about Sam. I turned my chair slowly around and placed it flat on the surface of the desk. I swallowed, the sound loud in my ears as I began to read what Sam had just learned.

"I made it through another day. "After the initial shock wore off, I was amazed to discover the utter *normalcy* I was encountering. People were laughing, gossiping, eating dinner, telling jokes just levels away from where a portal across the galaxy was opening and closing. People were acting as if this was *normal*. Yesterday I had learned that this was a spectacular place; little did I realize how spectacular the people working here had to be. I mean, to be entrusted with knowledge of this magnitude?! It's awe-inspiring. "And speaking of awe-inspiring, I forgot to mention that I think I may have met the person who will be the death of me. Eyes I can feel I could swim in forever... a smile that makes me go weak in the knees... I've never had this kind of reaction to someone upon meeting them; always been a firm believer that love at first sight was something of fairy tales. I mean, I had never really felt my heart flutter at the sight of Michael, but I suppose that's why we're exes, huh? But... there's something special going on here. I can feel that this is different. I guess I can only hope this is a simple infatuation. It's a little crush that will pass with time. "I'm hoping..."

I took a breath and reread the entire note. Nothing incriminating. I hadn't written her name or even her hair or eye color. I hadn't inadvertantly mentioned her gender or rank. I turned the page and began to read the third and final note. The one that would decide my life and death. I swallowed and began to read...

"I made it through another day. "And what did I learn today? It's not a simple infatuation. My mind was centered on one thing and one thing only today. I actually told Colonel O'Neill that his period was overdue. He had a good laugh at that; I didn't. If I can't be trusted to keep my mind straight, I may just have to request reassignment. Of course the thoughts wouldn't stop. It would just make the unattainable seem all the more romantic. So I can't just... run away. There has to be an easier answer. "Of course, I could always go back to Michael and do the 'homemaker, barefoot-and-pregnant' thing that he was so fond of. Yeah, right. And maybe I'll sprout wings out of my butt and fly to Abydos. "I have to deal with this. This relationship - however right it may seem in my head - is impossible, inconceivable, out of the question, unthinkable... Maybe I can have some sort of-of a placebo relationship. Find someone I can have a relationship with and get my jollies there. The consequences would be less and I wouldn't have my mind filled with all these other thoughts. "But do I have the right to do that with someone? Not to sound conceited, I doubt anyone going out with me would be able to be completely emotionless about it. Do I have the right to play with someone's heart like that, just because I'm a little uncomfortable? "The answer is no. It won't be so bad, I guess... After writing all of this, I think that I'm actually starting to free up some of my higher brain functions. No more unwanted thoughts swimming through, no more fantasies. As long as our contact remains strictly professional, this will be a piece of cake. "Give me six months, this whole thing will be a relic."

I leaned back in my chair, exhaling sharply. I had been in denial. That was the only possible conclusion for leaving out her name or sex. Thank heaven for little favors. I pulled all the notes from the shelf (Sam was right, it *did* look bad) and refolded them, slipping them into a small, locked drawer. I placed the keys in my pocket and closed the front of the rolltop desk. So... Sam hadn't discovered my dark little secret and I had just yelled at her and thrown her out of my bedroom. Damage control was necessary. Slowly, I pushed myself up and moved to the door of the bedroom.

---

Sam was sitting on the couch, her long legs pulled up underneath her. Her hands were laying palm-up in her lap. The overhead light was still off and she was sitting in the silence, staring down at her hands. I approached slowly, trying my best to look appropriately contrite. I cleared my throat, then weakly smiled. "Hey, Sam."

She folded her hands together and looked up at me. Her blue eyes appeared to be fighting tears as she said, "Janet. I am so... so sorry."

I lowered myself onto the cushion next to her, tucking one leg underneath myself. "Don't worry about it. I was just... No one other than me has ever read those letters. No one even knew they existed. I was just shocked to see you reading them." I took her hand and squeezed. She winced, turning her gaze down to our hands. "It's okay, honey. I'm not mad."

"N-No... it's not that. My hand..." I released her hand and looked down. Three red lines ran from the base of her thumb to the bottom of her middle finger. I gasped, eyes widening as I gazed at the pink flesh surrounding the narrow cuts. "Oh, my God! What happened?!"

She smiled shyly, then pulled her hand back. "W-when you pulled the letters away. It kinda... gave me a little papercut." She shrugged, smiling painfully. "It's no big deal. Just stings a little."

I stood, gripping her wrist. "Come with me... I have some antibacterial in the bathroom."

She tried to pull away, but I had a small advantage since she was sitting. She was on her feet and following me out of the room by the time she finally said, "It's no big deal. I'll just put a Band-Aid on it when I get the time."

I spun around, fixing my best doctor face on her. "I am a doctor. I am also now a mother. And I caused this injury." I smiled sweetly and said, "I win. C'mon... let me make up for yelling at you. Please?"

She sighed and looked at her hand. "It's really not that bad."

"Ha!" I said, leading her up the stairs. "A trio of inch-long papercuts on her palm and she says it's not that bad. You, Samantha Carter, are a doctor's nightmare." And this particular doctor's wet-dream. I blinked. Who let *that* thought in? I pulled her up the stairs, hearing her chuckle as she was pulled by her arm like a five-year-old. I turned and smiled. "Making a patient laugh through the pain. The sign of a great doctor."

The captain's voice was soft when she said, "You are a great doctor." I paused and she said, "Every one at the SGC is glad you're here. I mean... we're not glad that Dr. Lee died, but we're glad everything worked out for the best. You're great at what you do and you make everyone feel a little safer. Before, you couldn't drag Colonel O'Neill to the infirmary for his pre-mission exam."

I slowly pivoted on my heel to face her, my eyes wet with tears. Finally, I found my voice and said, "Why... why did you just tell me all of that?"

She shrugged. "You should hear it every now and then." She looked down at her hand and inhaled sharply. "And I look forward to some of that TLC... it's starting to throb pretty badly."

The tender moment aside, I remembered the 'emergency' at hand, so to speak, and led my patient into the bathroom. I pulled open the drawer and she asked, "Since I said all those nice things about you, will you leave out the part where you pour the stinging hot alcohol on my hand?"

Laughing evilly, I cocked one eyebrow and said, "Hardly."

I pulled the tall brown bottle from the cupboard and set it on the sink, patting the countertop and motioning for Sam to jump up on it. She obeyed and settled in, leaning back against the mirror. As I unscrewed the cap of the alcohol, she said, "My mom used to sing to me when she fixed my owies."

"Owies?" I asked, wetting a cotton ball. "What did she sing?"

A shrug. "Songs."

"A wisegal," I muttered. I sighed, and placed one hand on my hip and held the cotton ball up. A smile crept across my features as I lowered the ball to her cuts. Trying desperately to stay in tune, I sang, "Ring, my friend I say you call Dr. Robert."

Sam smiled and closed her eyes as I touched the cotton ball to her cut. She joined in, "Day or night, he'll be there any time at all, Dr. Robert."

Together, we continued to torture John and Paul's tune as I cleansed the wounds. Sam completed the verse herself as I lifted her hand, gently blowing across the palm. She shivered on the countertop as I blew across her hand, prompting unwanted images to pop into my head. I lowered her hand, keeping it flat as I pulled a roll of gauze out of the cupboard. I tore the sterile wrapper off and gently applied it to her hand, wrapping it around the heel of her palm and using a square of tape to hold it in place. She looked down, smiling at my care. "Perfect," she said. "And it didn't hurt a bit."

"I'm saving the painful medical care for the infirmary." I winked and said, "Hop on down, you're finished here."

"Thanks, Doc," she said, "I owe ya my life."

I winked and flicked an imaginary cigar, doing my awful Groucho Marx impression as I said, "Your life? That's nothin' compared to what I charge."

Sam chuckled, raising an eyebrow. "First the Beatles, now Groucho... isn't there a law against destroying two classics in one day?"

Shrugging, I said, "I won't tell if you won't."

We stood in the bathroom for a moment, Sam tenderly rubbing the white material covering her cuts. "Thanks, Janet. It already feels better." She leaned forward and brushed her lips across my cheek before she slipped out of the bathroom. I blinked, trying to tell myself it was an innocent little peck. Just a sign of affection between very close friends.

I fell against the sink, my hand gravitating towards my cheek. The spot of skin her lips had touched was now burning, as if touched by a match. I felt like a schoolgirl with a crush on her best friend. I composed myself before I left the bathroom, resisting an urge to touch my cheek again.

---

I woke suddenly from my dreamless sleep, shaken out of unconsciousness by a sudden clap of thunder that sounded like it was right outside my window. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, looking around the bedroom before I realized that - despite the darkness - it was still early and I hadn't eaten dinner yet.

I changed into a pair of faded jeans and an old Air Force Academy sweatershirt before going back downstairs. As I returned to the living room, I noticed the lights were on and Sam was standing at the window, peering out onto the lawn. The outside light was also burning, illuminating the heavy drops as they pelted the green grass of my lawn. She shivered and turned, smiling when she saw me. "Mornin', sleepyhead," Sam joked. "I was thinkin' about what we could do tonight." She motioned over her shoulder and lamented, "Looks like anything outdoors is out of the question. What should we do with ourselves?"

She had also changed clothes; she was wearing a pair of blue sweatpants and what appeared to be an old uniform shirt. I swallowed, eyeing the bare flesh I spotted between the buttons of the blouse and turned away. Trying to explain why I had averted my gaze, I motioned at the stairs and asked, "Well... shouldn't Cass get a say?"

"Actually," Sam said, "Cassandra isn't here. Colonel O'Neill and Daniel came by a few hours ago to get her for the night. The colonel said he was gonna teach her about real things like baseball and fishing before we turned her into too much of a girl."

"The nerve of that man," I sighed, faking irritation. In truth, I was glad to have the night off. The rigors of raising a pre-teen had been a bit much for me. I could use the extra night to myself for regrouping, make a fresh start in the morning. "When will she be back?"

"We're due at the mountain at six. He'll probably drop her off then, if he's even awake."

I hooked my thumbs in the belt loops of my jeans and stretched, rolling my shoulders back and unconsciously stretching my breasts against the material of my sweatshirt. "Well... the night is young. What do you suggest we do?"

Sam's eyes twinkled. "Beer, Chinese and a movie."

"You've been thinking about this, haven't you?" I accused.

The shy smile told me I was right. She shrugged and said, "I've been thinking about it since the guys came and picked Cassie up. So, whaddaya say? Want me to call Tokahana's and order in or do you want to go out?"

Go out... in other words, drag my tired ass back upstairs, get dressed *again* and leave the house for something FAR too much like a date for comfort. "Why don't you call Tokahana? Make sure to get me two eggrolls and the Number Ten." I started towards the kitchen. "I'll grab the beers from the fridge." We passed each other as Sam moved towards the phone and I hazarded a glance at her hand. The gauze was wrinkling slightly in the palm and would be impossible to bear when the usage chopsticks were involved. "Whoa, hold on," I said, stopping her.

She turned, raising an eyebrow as I lifted her hand. I tenderly peeled away the white material and gazed at the pale flesh below. "Does this feel all right?" I asked, pressing slightly on the blonde's hand. She shrugged and nodded, so I pulled the rest of the bandage off. "It'll probably be a little tender, but I think it'll be easier when it comes to eating." I smiled and said, "Now, order. Two eggrolls, Number Ten."

I slipped into the dark kitchen, pulling open the door to the fridge and salvaging two of the remaining five Budweisers. As I straightened, I noticed Sam had appeared in the kitchen. I smiled, leaving the fridge door open so we weren't completely engulfed in darkness. "Hey, there. You already call Tokahana?"

She stepped closer. "No," she whispered. Her voice was strangely husky.

"Are you all right, Sam?"

She shook her head. "I haven't been all right since I met you, Janet Fraiser. I read those wonderful things you wrote about me in your notes. I've felt the same way for so long... I can't hold myself back any more. Take me, Janet. I want to lay you down and make sweet love to you until dawn." She licked her lips. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner, sweetheart. It's just that I can't believe... you wanted me, too eggrolls."

I frowned. "What was that?"

"I said I can't believe you wanted two eggrolls," Sam said, suddenly transported all the way back to the doorway of the kitchen. She was holding my wireless phone in her hand. "I *hate* those things."

My mind was reeling. I closed the door to the fridge and walked towards her. "Right, uh... I guess they're just an acquired taste." I handed her one of the beer bottles and went into the living room, glancing at the clock as I passed. 9:43. "Wow. Does Tokahana's deliver this late?"

Sam shrugged and lowered herself onto the couch. "Apparently. But we should probably give the poor kid a pretty good tip." She indicated the storm outside the window. I momentarily considered taking a seat across the room, but decided I was being silly and sat next to the blonde captain. She rested her head on her hand and said, "So... you seemed lost in thought in there. What were ya thinkin' about?"

"Nothing. Just trying to remember where the other bottles of this vanished to," I explained, waving the bottle of beer.

She smiled sheepishly. "Oh. That... I drank one around three and gave a couple to Jack and Daniel for later. Hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," I said. "I was just worried that Cassie might've taken them."

She laughed out loud at that, covering her mouth with one hand. "Oh, my God... can you imagine General Hammond's face?! 'Well, Sir, the second day of my guardianship, I became aware of Cassandra's alcoholism.' He would tear us both a new one if that happened." She brushed her hair out of her face and sighed, examining her socks. After a few minutes of silence, she said, "This is really nice."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah."

Silence again. If Sam were male, I know exactly what I would've done in this situation. Passionate kisses, forgotten Chinese food, shedding clothes to the sounds of the rain on the roof... making love until we collapsed from exhaustion. I watched her as she watched her feet, letting my eyes feast on the gentle slope of her forehead, the moist curve of her lower lip, her eyelashes that seemed almost feather-light as they drifted downward. Sam cocked her head to one side, propping her arm on the back of the sofa and resting her head on her fist.

Finally, I decided to break the silence. "Did they say how long it'd be?" My voice sounded unusually jarring in the tomb-like silence of the living room.

Sam checked her watch. "About fifteen more minutes," she said. "'Course, you gotta give him a few minutes for the rain."

"Right," I nodded. Before allowing silence to reign once again, I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "This is nice."

Sam smirked. "I already said that."

Busted. I shrugged and said, "Well, one of us had to say *something.*" I leaned back against the sofa and stared at the ceiling. "Cassandra is going to think she was adopted by the most boring family in the galaxy."

Sam laughed at that and said, "No, she won't."

"Of course she will!" I joked. "We can't even wait for Chinese food without running out of things to say."

I felt Sam's hand on mine and I looked down at it, eventually looking up into her eyes. She smiled sweetly and said, "I actually kind of thought it was one of those 'comfortable silences' I keep hearing about. I know I never had one with Jonas or... anybody." She grinned, pressing her tongue against her teeth before continuing. "But I feel comfortable not saying anything with you."

I smiled and patted her hand. "I feel comfortable not saying anything with you, too." I chuckled at the strangeness of that comment, then settled in against the cushions.

We sat there for a few minutes, simply waiting in silence. The old house creaked several times under the assault of the storm, several rafters in the attic moaning like elderly men as they adjusted. The rain steadily slapped against the window and I could see the constant stream flowing through the beam of the back porch light.

As I followed the advice of an old song and listened to the rhythm of the falling rain, I thought back to my fantasy of Sam in the kitchen. If the fantasies started surfacing while I was awake, I was done for. Of course, this really didn't count as I was utterly exhausted. I decided to only worry if it happened after I had gotten my full-night's beauty sleep.

---

A dripping, irate, soaked to the bone eighteen-year-old appeared on my doorstep a half hour later, holding three bags with the word "TOKAHANA!!" marked on the sides. He handed over the bags, then said, "Total comes to $17.54, plus tip."

Ballsy little jerk, I thought, pulling a twenty from my wallet and handing it over to him. Against my better judgement, I pulled another five out and handed it to him. He handed over the food, his eyes momentarily brightening when he saw the size of his gratuity. He pocketed it and headed down the steps, turning his collar to the rain. I carried the food back through the house, smelling the wonderful aroma of steaming hot shrimp, rice, chicken and broccoli. The scent was more than enough to make my mouth water as I placed the bags on the table in front of the sofa.

Sam eagerly sat forward, pulling open the closest bag and removing a small styrofoam holder. She popped it open and placed it on the table, proclaiming, "Eggrolls."

We had both gotten the Number Ten, as it turned out, so I just handed her one of the white boxes and kept one for myself as I headed to the kitchen. "You want a plate or a fork?"

A moment passed as she considered, and then, "Both, please."

I slipped into the kitchen, returning an instant later with two plates and two forks. Sam hungrily popped open her container and found her chopsticks, apparently deciding to forgo the fork until later. I, on the other hand, immediately employed the silverware and speared a steaming wedge of chicken. I inhaled the sweet, sweet scent before popping it into my mouth. As I rolled the succulent meat around on my tongue, I realized I hadn't eaten since... God! Since the pizza last night! I hungrily found three more hunks of chicken and shoveled them into my mouth.

Sam smiled at me as she slowly worked her chopsticks around a pale piece of shrimp. I caught her stealing glances and muttered through a mouthful of food, "What?"

With a quick shake of her head, she said, "Nothing. It's just that," she swallowed whatever she had just taken a bite of and dabbed her mouth quickly. "Under any other circumstances, I'd consider this a date. A very successful date, but a date nonetheless."

I was speechless. My mouth dropped open. I couldn't believe what she had just said. I could still feel the food on my tongue, which meant I must've been quite a sight.If she could've seen me, there's no doubt she would've laughed. But seeing me wasn't a problem... the storm had just knocked out all the power to my house.

We were in the dark.

Chapter Four

Sam was reclining on the couch, her head resting on her arm and her knees bent. I was facing her in the same position, our feet lining up on the center cushion. Sam's half-empty beer bottle rested on the back of the couch and I was balancing the styrofoam container holding my eggrolls on my lap. Four vanilla-scented candles sat on the coffee table, the flickering light dancing across Sam's face. I recalled her earlier comment about this being like a date. A "successful date," in her own words. Any man who treated me like this would definitely end up in my bedroom.

I mentally slapped myself. Stop thinking like that, Fraiser.

She was wiggling her toes in the socks, the motion making her brush against my feet. Playing along, I brushed back with my bare toes. Sam chuckled and covered my feet with her own, taking a sip of her beer. "Thanks for staying up with me," she said, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. "I've just never liked going to bed when the electricity is off."

"Well... can only sleep on blue sheets, can't sleep without a night light... I'm learning all kinds of things about you."

She laughed and said, "I didn't say anything about a nightlight, Janet. It's just... the room will be absolutely dark. No ambient light, no... anything. I can't sleep in absolute silence and absolute darkness." She shrugged. "Sometimes I play the radio until I fall asleep. Stuff like that."

I nodded. "Well, when we do finally decide to call it a night, I have a little battery-powered radio that you can borrow."

"Thanks, Janet."

My eyes were suddenly drawn to her hand. She was holding the beer bottle steady with one hand while the middle finger of her was tracing the mouth. She completed a few circles around the lip and then dipped inside, gently probing before extracting her finger and raising it to her lips. She slowly licked it dry, swirling the tip of her tongue around the fingertip before repeating the process. The motion of her finger reminded me of something else she could be doing with that hand... using the same motions.

I swallowed sharply, looking into her eyes. She was staring intently at the flickering candles on the table. She seemed hypnotized by the dancing flame, unaware of what she was doing with her hands. I licked my lips and cleared my throat. "So, uh... any interesting developments with missions?"

She shrugged. "Daniel is inspecting some ruins tomorrow on a new world. If all goes well, we may get called for a short mission." She looked up. "Oh... that would be okay, right? I mean, if not, I could tell Colonel O'Neill that--"

I held up a hand to stop her. "It'll be fine. Assuming I don't cause Cassandra to run away in your absence."

Chuckling, she patted my foot. "You are going to be fine, Janet," she promised. "In fact, maybe my leaving will show her how much she'll have to depend on you."

"Have to," I scoffed. "Glad to know we're forcing her."

Sam sombered. "Janet, of all the people who have the clearance and of all the people who might offer to take the girl in, I can't imagine anyone who would care more for her than you. You love that girl more than life... which is pretty 'Mom,' if you ask me." She reached across the couch and took my hand. "She's having kind of a rough time adjusting. After a couple of weeks, she'll realize just how much you care for her. Everything will be fine, Janet."

I blinked, wondering why I was crying. "Thank you, Sam," I managed.

We sat in silence, staring at the candles. It was odd how hypnotizing they were; the dancing of the flame, the curling ribbon of the smoke ascending towards the ceiling, the liquidation of the wax surrounding the wick. Sam began speaking quietly, "I remember when I was seven... my family was staying in a cabin in Toronto. The electricity was a luxury that Dad said we didn't need, so every night we would eat by candlelight." A vague smile crossed her face. "The last night... the last time we went up there with Mom, she forced Dad to pay the extra money for the electricity. He gave in and we had lights and," she laughed, "that was the most god-awfully ugly cabin I'd ever seen."

She covered her face, falling back against the couch. "I mean, it didn't seem so bad in daylight because-because there weren't many windows. But when we turned on the lights, that place was so *drab*!" She wiped her eyes. "That night, we ate dinner with candles anyway. It felt right... normal." She picked at the edge of her sweatpants. "After Mom died, we stopped going up there. Just... too painful."

I was awestruck. Samantha Carter, spilling the beans about personal history. I blinked and said, "Wow. I-I didn't know your Mom died early. I'm so sorry."

She shook her head. "It... was a long time ago," she smiled, staring into the candles. "I'm kinda glad the power went out. The candles bring up good memories."

With a shrug, I said, "Well... we could keep them lit for the duration of your stay. It would sure cut down on my electric bill for the month." I rested my head on the back of the sofa. "Truthfully, I am a little surprised that you shared so much about yourself. Usually, you're all business."

The blonde avoided my gaze, looking instead at the darkness surrounding us. Finally, she whispered, "I felt I owed you something. I mean, I invaded your privacy and learned some... intimate things about you, so I thought it was only fair."

Damn it. I could've gone the entire night without her bringing up those damn letters. Hell, I could've gone the rest of my life. "Don't worry about it. I looked over what you read and... there was nothing *too* incriminating in them." I winked. "I didn't start writing about my *real* secrets until later."

"Well..." She looked like a kid who was about to reveal she had gotten a bad grade in school. "I think I actually might have read something important."

My heart began to pound. "Oh?" I managed.

She turned to face me. "Look, I-I know it's none of my business, but I think you should go for it." I was confused, but she didn't give me any time to question. "This-this attraction you have. I know how it feels to go absolutely nuts for someone and always wonder what they felt. It may be hard to actually bring it up... but it's torture to never know." She looked down at her hands. "W-when you ask, you have closure. You know one way or the other. If you keep it inside, it pops up every now and again and nags at your conscience. Trust me."

I couldn't belive her candor. Turn off the lights and her soul becomes attached to a faucet. "It's not exactly that simple," I whispered. "There are rules involved. Regulations that would be broken."

"Aw, to hell with regulations!" she snapped. "Love is love and regulations are regulations. Never the twain shall meet. Let me ask you something; are you close with this person?"

"Extremely," I said, telling the truth both physically and emotionally as one of her hands was still resting on my foot.

"And is there a chance he feels the same way about you?"

*He,* I mentally grumbled. "I doubt it."

Sam sighed. "Janet, it's me." My eyes widened. Did she know?! "You can tell me anything." I held back my sigh of relief as she continued, "You're gorgeous. You're intelligent. You're fun to be with... Hell, I pretended to worry about Cassandra just so I could move in with you for a month." She winked, letting me know she was kidding on the last point. "Any man at the base would be lucky to have you."

But would any *woman*? That was the question. I pulled the eggroll carton off my lap and said, "Well... I think I'm gonna head on upstairs to bed. Do you need anything before I go?"

"No, I think I'll join you."

I winced. God, why did she have to make this so *hard*?! I headed up the stairs, acutely aware of the blonde following close behind. When we reached the landing, I turned and smiled. "Have a nice night, Sam. Sweet dreams." She leaned forward and gently pecked my cheek. I bit my lip, turning my head so she couldn't see. I hated how casual the kiss was between us... I wanted to press her against the wall and pin her body with mine as we explored each other's mouths with--

Erotic thoughts not helping, I decided. Sam turned and disappeared into her bedroom. I turned and slowly crossed the hall to my bedroom, glancing back once before I moved into the darkness.

---

At first, I wondered if I was awake or not.

The clock radio across the room usually broke the darkness by informing me of the time. The television had a red stand-by light that was visible from my position in the bed. Neither was shining in the darkness. Eventually, however, my eyes began to adjust to the darkness and I could make out the vague silhouettes of my furniture. I sat up, pulling the pillow to my chest to avoid the chill in the air. Damn air conditioning wasn't working due to the blackout. I tapped around on the nightstand until I found the small Indiglo clock that I had for these occasions and pressed the button. 2:15.

Having deciphered everything about my environment, one last mystery remained. What had pulled me from my first dreamless slumber in almost a week? I scanned the room, but nothing seemed out of place. I listened intently, but heard nothing that would indicate someone moving around downstairs. Finally, I threw the blanket aside and threw my legs over the side of my large bed. As my feet hit the floor, I heard the sound again. I froze and listened, but the sound had stopped once more. I rose off the bed, trying to be as quiet as possible as I moved to the closet and withdrew my robe.

I was only wearing a faded tank top and a pair of pajama pants, therefore wouldn't present that much of a threat to any intruder. A search for a weapon would take too long and be too noisy in the quiet, so I quietly opened my bedroom door and stepped into the dark hallway empty-handed.

Nothing moved downstairs. No flashlight beams danced across the walls. Halfway down the stairs, I decided that if Colonel O'Neill was playing a prank on me, I would find a reason - any reason - to give the man my most thorough physical. Thoughts of revenge dancing through my head, I slipped into the living room. The candles stood on the coffee table, still lit and melted down to almost nothing. I quickly moved to them and blew them out, worrying about a fire. As I straightened, I realized the error; if there was an intruder, they definitely knew they weren't alone.

Moving quickly but silently, I crossed between the couch and the coffee table and knelt next to the recliner. Nothing was moving. Whoever it was, they were sneaky. Rain was still falling outside, drops spattering against the window. For a moment, I considered that the sound that had woke me up was as innocent as a clap of thunder. But I had gone too far; no way would I be able to get back to sleep now without completely checking this out.

I walked to the door of the kitchen, stepping into the room and boldly asking, "Who's there?" I was surprised; my voice was strong even though my hand was trembling. No one answered. Of course they didn't... what would they say, 'Oop, you got me! I was just going through your valuables, but I can see I'm busted. Please, use my cell phone to call the police.' I walked to the counter and pulled open one of the drawers, pulling out a large flashlight. In addition to being a steady light source, it was big enough to cause a concussion if used against a bad guy.

The bright beam of the light caused me to wince. I swept the light across the kitchen, not confronted with any horrible monsters ready to pounce. No men clad in black sweaters and masks lurked in the corners. Finally, I turned and left the kitchen, flashlight hanging at my side. As I headed for the stairs, I lifted the tool and used my fingers to gauge the size. Hmm. If it didn't do it's job as a weapon and if I didn't need any light... it was just about the right size to be useful in another way.

Eager to get back to my bedroom where I could employ the device, I hurried down the hall. I was almost to the door when I froze. The sound. I heard it again, a little louder this time, but definitely a human sound. I turned, my breathing quick as I scanned the hallway for the lumpy outline of a burglar. None presented themselves. Then, I realized the only possible place the sound could've come from. The only thing behind me. Sam's room.

I moved to the door and pressed my ear against the wood. After a few seconds, I heard her yelp quietly and the mattress squeaked as something heavy shifted on it. She was in trouble! I turned the knob and dashed in, swinging the light around the room. "Sam?! Is everything okay? I thought that I heard-- I heard-- Oh, shit."

Sam sat up, blue eyes wide with shock. Her blonde hair was plastered to her head, her skin sheened with sweat. She was wearing an unbuttoned pajama top, her pale-yellow bra visible below the gaping material. She was laying on top of the blankets, bare from the waist down, her legs spread. She immediately pulled the blanket out from beneath herself and wrapped her lower body with it. I could tell that she was breathing heavily and I didn't need the flashlight to know she was blushing. The hand holding the flashlight wavered and I finally stammered. "Oh... I heard a noise. I thought that-that someone was in trouble--"

Trying to catch her breath, Sam gasped, "Hey, uh... you could leave any time, ya know."

I realized I had to be staring, so I quickly backpedaled out of the room and closed the door behind myself. I flicked the flashlight into the off position, engulfing the hallway in darkness once again. It didn't work; I could still see Sam's bare thighs spread on the mattress, her hand working between them, her mouth agape in shock and pleasure. The image was burned into the back of my retinas. I turned and moved to my bedroom, ducking into the room as quickly as possible.

Earplugs. I simply must invest in earplugs.

---

You try sleeping with that stuck in your head.

I finally just gave up and showered in the darkness, suppressing the urge to picture my houseguest as I soaped up. When I finally turned off the water, I stepped out of the stall feeling a great sense of pride that I had controlled myself. Maybe this was a good sign... a sign that the rest of the month might not be so hard after all. I left my hair wet, deciding to let the air dry it as I dressed in a sweater and some jeans.

General Hammond had arranged it so that either myself or Sam was off-duty at any given time. That meant that, if Daniel had found something interesting and SG-1 was given a go, someone else would be giving the blonde captain her physical. Thank God for little favors... I couldn't imagine examining Sam's half-naked body after what I saw last night. Well, I mean, I *could* imagine it, I was just making a conscious effort *not* too.

As I left the bedroom, a quiet hum began. Before I had a chance to determine the origin, the hallway light flickered on. The power was back. I smiled and headed downstairs, checking my watch as I descended. 4:30. Colonel O'Neill was due to drop Cassandra off around six. No problem... I could kill an hour and a half...

I moved into the living room, pausing to turn on the lights as I passed. The VCR clock was flashing 12:00. I knelt in front of it, picking up the remote control and setting the clock using my watch. As I stood, I heard a noise behind me and glanced back, telling myself not to search out the source of this commotion. I didn't have to. Sam was standing in the door of the living room, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. "What time is it?" she mumbled.

The sight of her shocked me so much, I almost didn't answer. "Oh, uh... half past four." She was still wearing the pajama top she had been wearing the night before, but now she was wearing a pair of silk boxer shorts. Her alabaster legs stretched on forever, crossed at the ankles as she leaned on the wall. "I'm sorry if I woke you up. I was just-- I couldn't sleep." Because I kept picturing you on the bed, hand between your legs, eyes closed in ecsta... STOP THAT!

Stifling a yawn, she ran a hand through her incredibly sleep-mussed hair. "No, I should wake up anyway. I have to leave for the base by six, so..." She motioned at the stairs and said, "I'm gonna take a shower. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, fine. I already took mine." I grinned. "I just hope there's some hot water left."

The captain chuckled. "After last night, I'll need a cold shower." She turned and started trotting up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

Every joint in my body was frozen. What did she mean by that? There was a myriad of possibilities that I wasn't able to - or unwilling to - put into words. I moved slowly into the kitchen, walking to the stove and pulling a pan out of the cupboard. My hands were shaking, the tile cold against my bare feet. I wiggled my toes and sprayed the pan with non-stick spray before I went to the fridge and withdrew three brown eggs. I didn't know how Sam ate her eggs, but I decided not many people would turn down scrambled. I tapped the shells against the side of the pan and halved the shell, pouring it into a bowl and carefully whipping it with a fork.

That done, I poured the bowl into the pan and turned on the heat. I rested against the counter as I waited for them to cook, finally allowing myself to think about the scene I had stumbled upon last night. She had looked so beautiful; her body shining even in the darkness, her blue eyes half-lidded with passion. Realistically, I knew it was probably the closest I'd ever be to seeing her in the throes of passion. Unfortunately, my heart didn't understand 'realistically.'

I prepared the rest of breakfast as if on autopilot. By the time Sam came downstairs, I had made two plates overflowing with scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns and a tall glass of orange juice. I was thrilled none of the food had spoiled during the blackout and even had hope of salvaging the ice cream in the freezer. Sam had changed out of the pajama shirt and was wearing a powder blue tshirt, but the silk boxers remained.

Her eyes lit up as she saw the food and she unconsciously licked her lips. "This for me?"

"Of course it is, silly," I teased. "What, you think I made all this food for myself?"

She laughed and turned her plate so that the eggs were front and center. "Wow. I've never had anyone make breakfast for me. Well... other than my mom, of course."

"Aw, c'mon," I teased, toying with my bacon. "No guy ever woke up and made you a fabulous breakfast as a thank-you?"

"A thank-you for sex? How good do you think I am in bed?" Don't answer. Don't answer. For the love of all that is good and holy, do not answer. She continued, "I've heard rumors of guys who make breakfast in bed or at least order in... unfortunately, with my luck in the man department, the most I ever got was a 'you were great' before he rolled over and fell asleep."

"Ouch," I winced. "I'm sorry. You deserve better."

She shrugged and ate a large forkful of eggs. "Oh, wow," she muttered around the yolks. "This is fabulous!" She hungrily speared some more, shoveling it into her mouth.

I chuckled. "Samantha Carter, the epitome of breakfast etiquette."

She looked up, cheek bulging with food. She smiled sheepishly, swallowed, then said, "Sorry. I just... this food is so wonderful. I normally don't pig out like this. I guess I was just a little out of shape for the aerobics I was performing last night." She winked at me.

Why did she keep bringing it up?! I sighed and looked down at my food. Might as well put an end to it. "Look, ah... about last night. I'm sorry to have just-just barged in like that. I'm really embarrassed about it."

She smiled and reached across the table, patting my hand. "It's no big deal, Janet. The house was really quiet and I've been told that I can get quite... vocal... during sex. Even if it is with myself."

Maybe if I started choking on bacon she would stop talking about this.

"There's really no reason for you to feel embarrassed. I was on top of the covers, I was making a lot of noise... I should've been more careful. And look at it this way; when Cassandra is here, I'll know to either be quiet or lock the door when I'm masturbating." She casually ate a piece of bacon. "Sometimes, off-world, I'll get the urge and disappear into the forest to work out my frustrations." She chuckled and said, "Did I ever tell you about the time Teal'c stumbled upon me when I was in the middle of it? I think he was more confused than embarrassed."

If I threw myself at the window, I think it would break and I'd be free. At the very least, she'd have to stop the story to call 911.

She sighed and shrugged. "I mean, you do it, right? Every now and again, I'm sure you get a little... itch... and you have to go someplace private to scratch it. Right?"

I shrugged. "Sure." Don't go down this road, Janet Fraiser! "But... even though everyone does it, I can imagine how it would feel to have someone barge in on you. And that's what I'm embarrassed about."

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about!" she reiterated. "Look, I grew up in a houseful of nosy people. And I've lived most of my adult life on Air Force bases with pretty open-air quarters. I've gotten walked in on several times. I mean, did you notice how long it took me to cover up?"

God, did I notice.

She chuckled and ate the last of her eggs. "God, these are so good! You'll have to give me your recipe."

Of course. Just crack three eggs, cook on high, fantasize about a beautiful woman masturbating and viola! I grinned. "I really don't do anything special."

"Ooh-ho, modesty." She picked up her plate, carrying it to the sink. After she rinsed the plate under the spray for a few seconds, she turned and walked towards the door. She pointed at her boxers and explained, "I think I'll go finish getting ready and head for the base. I'll call if it turns out we have to go on a mission." She slipped out of the kitchen.

Finally alone again, I slumped down in my chair and ran a hand through my still-damp hair. What was that I had recently said about this month being easy? I would be lucky if I got through a week...

Chapter Five

Sam and I stood on the porch, trying to stay awake as we waited for Colonel O'Neill to show up. She was wearing khakis and an old blouse, an early morning outfit that would most certainly be changed as soon as she arrived at the SGC. The sun had barely started to rise and the street was tinted orange and gold by the beginnings of the new day. Across the street, my neighbors were getting ready to leave as well. It was a husband and wife, their children probably still fast asleep. I watched as the wife pulled her robe more tightly around herself as she followed her suit-clad husband to his SUV. He turned at the car and kissed her sweetly, cupping her face before wishing her farewell.

I sighed as I watched them, wondering what it would be like to give Sam a good-bye kiss. Would her lips be as soft as my previous female lovers? Or would she be firm and demanding as she is in most aspects? Would she or I be the first to introduce tongues to the equation?

I looked down the street, forcing my mind to pursue other mysteries... like where the hell the colonel was.

The SUV pulled out of the driveway and turned, quickly disappearing at the corner. The wife watched him go, then apparently noticed Sam and I standing on the porch of my house. She waved and started across the street, her bare feet probably protesting against the hard, cold asphault. "Hi!" she called.

I waved, trying to be friendly. "Good morning."

Sam was wincing into the sun, watching the road for signs of her ride.

The woman was close enough now that I could make out the design on her robe. Bunny rabbits, how positively droll. She extended one fine-boned hand and said, "I don't think we've actually met. I'm Abigail Tierney. My husband, David, and I moved in about three months ago. You must be... uh..."

"Janet Fraiser," I said. "Dr. Janet Fraiser. This is Captain Samantha Carter."

Abigail's eyebrows shot up. "Ooh, doctor. Captain... I take it you work with the airlines."

Sam frowned. "Air Force," she said simply.

I glanced at the blonde. It was odd that she was acting so coldly to this woman.... maybe I was just imagining things. "We're both Air Force, actually. Stationed at Cheyenne Mountain."

"Wow, really?" she asked, using the tone of voice that people tended to use when they had no interest whatsoever in the topic. She crossed her arms and said, "Well, I hope you won't mind, but David noticed the little girl that arrived recently--"

I nodded. "Her name is Cassandra."

"Aw, that's a beautiful name!" Abigail said, her voice sickly sweet. "Anyhoo, David and I were wondering what agency you two used to get her."

Sam tensed. "Agency? What do you mean?"

Abigail shrugged. "Well, David's brother is gay and he and his partner have been desperate to adopt. So, I told him I'd ask you two what agency you went through to get--"

Oh, God. Why wouldn't my mouth work?! What was this woman implying?

"Whoa," Sam said, stepping forward. "We're not gay. We're-we're not a couple, if that's what you're implying."

The woman looked shocked. "Oh. Well, I saw you arrive with her and several pieces of luggage. I just assumed that-- well, you *are* living here together."

Sam stepped forward. "The girl is Janet's niece. I'm just staying here for a month until she gets used to everything."

Abigail smiled. "Okay. Not a problem." She reached out and took my hand again, timidly shaking it before she said, "I'm sorry. We just... jumped to conclusions. I apologize."

I stepped forward, finding my tongue and forcing a smile. "It's no problem. I'd like it if we could become friends, forget this awkward first meeting."

She smiled. "I'd like that too." She checked her watch, then sighed, "Well, I have to go get the kids ready for school. Have you enrolled your Cassandra yet?"

"No," Sam said. "We're giving her a chance to become situated first."

Abigail eyed Sam coldly, then said, "Okay. Well, it's been fun, Dr. Fraiser. I hope we meet again sometime." She gave Sam one final wary glance before returning across the street. She was halfway across the road when Jack O'Neill's 4x4 pulled up in my driveway. My neighbor looked over her shoulder, eyeing the attractive man in the driver's seat before disappearing into her garage.

Jack climbed out of his truck, his clothing wrinkled and his short hair mussed. "Someone want to tell me why we're going to the base at this ungodly hour?" He pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered, "I swear, if Danny didn't find something and Hammond just sends us home, I swear I'm gonna..." His voice trailed off and he looked behind himself, eyeing Abigail's garage. He motioned at the now-shut garage door and asked, "Who was that?"

"Some woman," Sam said, ice dripping from her tongue. "Where's Cass?"

He motioned to the truck. "Zonked out in the passenger seat. Got her just awake enough to wrap some clean clothes on her and get her downstairs." He smiled at me as Sam went to retrieve the girl. "How were things here last night?"

Where do I begin? "Great. Did the lights go off at your place?"

"No," he said. "But my house was wired *after* the 1800's, so I didn't have that problem."

I pointed a finger at him and warned, "You watch what you say about my dream house, colonel. I *can* and I *will* hurt you in ways you can't even imagine."

He held his hands out, palm-up. "Whoa, whoa, I know better than to piss off a doctor." He winked and called over his shoulder, "C'mon, Carter. We gotta go. Runnin' late."

She led a half-awake Cassandra from the truck and transferred a tiny hand to mine. As she knelt to adjust the girl's hair, Sam muttered, "Yeah, who's fault is that?"

I chuckled and said, "You better go. I'll see you this afternoon, hopefully."

"Yeah," she said, walking back to O'Neill's truck.

As she climbed in, Jack waved good-bye and pulled out of the driveway. I sighed and looked down at my new daughter. Her eyes were half-open and she looked utterly exhausted. She collapsed against my side, fingers wrapped tightly around my hand. "Where's Sam goin'?" she asked.

"Sam has to go to work, hon," I explained, kneeling before her. "She may have to go off-world, and then you'd be stuck with just me. Would that be all right?"

The girl yawned loudly, then said, "Okay. I like you."

She fell into my arms in what I thought was a hug at first. As I wrapped my arms around her, I realized she had fallen asleep. I smiled and lifted her, ignoring the protesting of my lower back as I carried her into the house. 'Okay. I like you.' Those four words were music to my ears...

---

The call came at about three in the afternoon. Cassandra had sat down beside me when I turned on the afternoon news and had decided to take up the fine art of channel surfing once I introduced her to the concept of a remote control. She was still sitting on the floor in front of the television, eyes staring at the pictures that flashed in front of her. I was in the middle of a load of dishes when the phone rang. I picked up the phone, soapy water dripping from my hands and arms as I precariously balanced the receiver on my shoulder and managed to say, "Hello?"

"Hey, Janet. It's me."

Uh-oh. This didn't sound good. "Daniel discovered something?"

"Yeah, apparently there's another one of those huge meaning-of-life thingies buried on the world, so we're going to go see if we can dig it out." She sighed. "For every Goa'uld attack, there's a world waiting where I'm just gonna sit on my ass." I could almost hear her roll her eyes. "He seems to think that it'll take at least four days, maybe a week, before we show any progress. So... I guess what I'm saying is--"

"I'm on my own for this week?" Inwardly, I could hear myself screaming bloody murder. "Great. I'll just dye my hair blonde and make sure she only sees me from behind."

Sam chuckled. "C'mon, Janet... as soon as she looks at you, she'll know you're not me. Unless, of course, you've grown five inches since breakfast."

"Ha, ha," I said, my voice monotone. "Really, Sam... I think it's too early. She's still extremely attached to you. I think that an absence might cause her to relapse to silence."

The captain sighed. "I really don't have much choice, Janet. Just tell her that I'm sorry and I have to work. If all else fails, it'll show her who she can really count on to be there for her." She was silent for a moment. "You're the steady one," she said, her voice slightly shaky. "I'm the wild card, the one nobody can count on. Cassandra will grow to love you because you'll-you'll never leave her alone. You'll be there to calm her after a nightmare and fix her breakfast and ground her for stealing the car. You're the strong one."

I leaned against the counter, dishes forgotten. "Sam? Honey, is there something you want to talk about?"

She sniffled, then said, "I have to go. We're leaving in-in five minutes."

"Wait, Sam... when you get back, I want to talk to you about this. All right?"

I wasn't sure she was going to answer at first. I was about to ask if she had heard me when she said, "Yeah. Okay."

She hung up without saying good-bye. I stared at the receiver for a moment, a little confused by Sam's outburst, then replaced it on the wall. I shook my head, deciding any examination could wait until Sam got home. I turned and saw Cassandra standing in the doorway. I put on my best smile and said, "Hey, sweetheart."

"Sam's not goin' to be home, is she?"

I walked over to her, kneeling so that we were eye-to-eye. "No, honey. She had to go on a mission off-world, so she won't be back for a couple of days." My hands were still wet from the sink, so I didn't try to embrace her. Instead, I asked, "What do you want to do today? Maybe... look around your new world? Visit the town? Would you like to do something like that?"

She shrugged, then looked over her shoulder. "The program is back on," she said, sounding very mechanical.

I took her by the hand as she started to walk off and said, "Cass... I want you to know that-that I love you very much. You know that, right?"

A quick nod.

"Okay. Go watch the rest of your show." I straightened and ran one hand through my hair before I realized it was still wet. I sighed and looked at my soapy fingers, then walked into the living room. "Hey, uh... I got an idea."

---

The drive was well-worth it. Cassandra was practically buzzing with energy as she dropped onto the steel bench. I followed behind her, pulling off my sunglasses and settling in next to her. Her eyes were wide, reflecting the crystal-clear blue sky that was visible through the open air of the arena. The smell of salt water was strong in the air, reminding me of vacations at the beach with certain significant others that were better left unmentioned. These unpleasant memories made me realize that Cassie had no such connection to the scents and sounds and sights that surrounded her. Everything was new to her.

I embraced her, squeezing her shoulder slightly. "Having fun?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "This is wonderful!" she breathed. The water was shimmering in front of us, a huge tidepool that seemed untouched by the gentle wind that blew across my bare shoulders. I'd changed into a sleeveless turtleneck and a pair of cargo pants, my hair pulled into a ponytail that was sticking out of the back of my Colorado Rockies baseball cap. My eyes were hidden behind a pair of RayBan sunglasses that reflected the pool. I smiled and said, "Just wait, hon. It gets better." I had purposely chosen a seat near the front; it was a childhood experience that very few people should do without.

A booming voice came over the intercom. "Ladies... and gentlemen! Welcome to the zoo's daily Aquatic Show!!" A male and a female trainer wearing identical blue outfits appeared on the side of the pool, moving into position. The voice continued. "Please, welcome the stars of our program! Say hello to ACE and JASPER!" The surface of the pool was broken by the sleek bodies of two dolphins. The aquatic creatures arched gracefully into the air, their tails flapping before the headed back towards the water. Both of them emitted chirps and squeals that sounded like an attempt at saying hello. When the two dolphins splashed back down, Cassandra and I were both hit by a wave of water.

Cassandra tensed, gasping as she was soaked, and I tightened my embrace around her. "Hon? Are you okay?"

She ignored me, staring at the water. Ace and Jasper were visible just below the surface, swimming in enthusiastic circles near their trainers. Finally, Cassandra brushed some wet strands of hair from her face and gasped, "What were those?"

I smiled. "Those were dolphins," I said. "We don't get many around here; this is a special place where we keep animals from the wild for everyone to enjoy."

She frowned. "You keep them here against their will?"

Dangerous curves ahead. "Well... since the animals are usually bred in captivity, they can't really survive in the wild."

Cassandra's eyes followed a trio of seals waddling along the edge of the pool, but her tone was still serious. "So... you take them away from their homes... and make them live somewhere else? Just... like me."

Definitely *not* how I expected this to turn out. I brushed her cheek. "Cassandra, honey? Look at me." She looked into my eyes. "There are things out there that hurt dolphins. Things that hate them... and when they're brought to places like this, the dolphins are kept clean... and safe... and well-fed. We take the dolphins from someplace dangerous and put them someplace where they can live without worrying. See? Ace and Jasper don't worry about sharks... or eels or..." Or whatever the hell were enemies to dolphins. I stroked her hair. "Do you understand, sweetheart? Your home wasn't safe any more. We had to bring you here so I could protect and take care of you."

Jasper popped out of the water, moving backwards with only his tail in the water. When he finished the stunt, the male tossed him a fish. Cassandra's eyes were sparkling once again. For the rest of the day, she didn't bring up her home or her forced relocation... but I noticed that she held my hand a little tighter when I offered it.

After the dolphin show, I took Cassandra to see the Cat Habitat. She seemed intrigued by the orange and black patterns on the tigers, keeping her eye on the largest as it moved from one side of the cage to the other. When the big cat roared, Cassandra shrieked and covered her ears, falling backward. I swooped behind her, cradling her in my arms and setting her feet back on the ground. I straightened her overalls and said, "You okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Just a little scared." She looked at the tiger. "Good thing Sam wasn't here. She thinks I'm very brave."

I stroked her cheek. "Honey, the cat scared you. That doesn't mean you're not brave. Any time you're scared, like that time, just tell me. I'll be there to catch you, like I was just now."

Cassandra looked at the cat and stepped forward. She stuck her tongue out in the universal symbol of rebellion, then said, "You don't scare me. My mom says I'm still very brave."

The cat curled it's lip, then turned and strutted back to it's cage.

Cassandra turned, her eyes wide. "It left!"

I smiled and winked. "Showed that cat who's boss. He'll think twice before scaring any little girls." I took her hand and said, "How about some cotton candy? Or a corn dog?"

"A corn dog? Is that like the kind Jack got for me?"

I chuckled. "No... a corn dog is a dog you eat." At her horrified expression, I clarified, "No, honey, it's-it's a figure of speech. It's not an actual dog. C'mon, I'll show you what I mean." Hand in hand, we headed for the large, outdoor cafe that the zoo provided.

---

On the ride home, Cassandra felt obligated to inform me of everything she had seen and done at the zoo although I had been by her side the entire time. I smiled, keeping my eyes on the road as I listened to her enthusiastic storytelling. As she reminded me of our time in the dolphin arena, I realized that Sam had barely been mentioned the entire day. I turned to her. "Looks like you'll have a lot to tell Sam when she gets home... she's only been gone one day and look how much you've seen and done."

She paused, then said, "Yeah. I guess so... Oh, you should've seen this tiger! I mean, it roared and it scared me, but remember that you said I was still very brave? Well, I told that dumb old thing that I was brave and he turned around and went away." She beamed up at me and said, "Me and my mom aren't scared of any dumb ol' tigers."

I chuckled and said, "Not you and me, babe."

---

I had a theory. A day spent with a 12-year-old didn't become exhausting until the 12-year-old went to bed. I sunk into the plush cushions of my couch, hugging a pillow to myself and suddenly noticing the throbbing behind my eyes. Cassandra had wanted corn dogs and cotton candy again for dinner, but I had substituted a McDonald's Happy Meal instead. Turns out I was transforming a sweet, innocent little girl into a junk food junkie. Tomorrow, I swore, would be the start of her healthy eating. Full meals, four food groups, the works. I could handle healthy... I still had my candy stash upstairs.

Thinking of the candy stash reminded me of my personal notes. I hadn't written a new one since Sam discovered them. I sat up, staring blindly across the living room. It was odd, how I had simply forgone the tradition. Could the streak really have been broken that easily? I considered going upstairs and writing one out, just to keep in practice, then realized I had nothing much to write about. Going to the zoo with Cassandra was great, but... how would I put my feelings into words? Pride? Enthusiasm? Motherhood?

Motherhood.

Cassandra wasn't a girl I was babysitting for a while. Her mother wasn't going to arrive on my doorstep and say 'Thanks for looking after her!' I was Cassandra's mother. She was my daughter. I was responsible for her upbringing. Teaching her right from wrong on Earth. Saving for college. Making sure she was ready for college. Keeping her away from boys until she was in her thirties. Keeping her room clean, writing out chores, scolding her for leaving dirty dishes in the sink....

I don't know whether it was the junk food I had consumed or the thoughts I'd been having or a combination of the two, but I soon found myself stationed in my bathroom, leaning against the toilet and breathing heavily. I wiped my mouth and closed my eyes, trying to keep my stomach still. I failed. I threw up a few more times before I finally dragged myself into the bedroom and climbed under my down comforter.

Two days after our trip to the zoo, it happened. Sam had been gone for two days and Cassandra seemed at ease without her. I had gone to bed that night after tucking Cassandra into her bed and reading her a bedtime story. Everything had seemed perfect for those 48 hours... I was the mother, she was my daughter, no aliens threatened to destroy our perfect piece of the universe. I should've known it would never last.

---

You get feelings.

It's happened since the day I was born; discomforting thoughts lurking at the back of your mind that let you know that something somewhere is amiss. Something is wrong. Those thoughts were never clear, at least not when you were searching for them. One ominous sign was painfully obvious; my shoes were far too tight. I could feel the leather squeezing my big toes and my heels as I walked down the corridor of the SGC. No airmen got in my way, no absent-minded officers side-stepped at the last second to avoid stepping on me. The base felt utterly desolate.

I recognized the hall I was in; I was going to the Gate Room. But why?

The doors slid open without being presented with a keycard. No soldiers stood guard outside the large sliding door, keeping the unauthorized out. I walked unhindered into the giant room occupied by the Stargate and stared up at the massive ring. It stood silent before me, standing as tall as a mountain before me. If I had felt dwarfed by the planes I'd seen at other bases, this thing made me feel positively insignificant. The blue event horizon was shining, bathing me in the cool blue glow. No guards aimed guns at the blue pool, which meant we knew who was coming.

The room was empty, save for myself. I started up the ramp, my high heels making loud sounds on the steel of the ramp. As I approached the vertical wall of water, the surface shimmered and Sam stepped out. She was wearing her brown camoflague, her hair hidden by a large helmet. She smiled at me, pulling off her goggles and stepping forward. "Hello, Janet. I came as soon as I heard."

Heard? The event horizon was broken again, only this time is was Ace and Jasper who appeared. They tittered and squealed a few times before they dove back into the 'water.'

Sam was only a few inches from me. "Well, Janet? Isn't there something you've been wanting to say to me?"

I turned. The control room was vacant. We were entirely alone. I turned back to Sam, my heart racing. I wanted to tell her everything; how I loved her, how I longed to be with her, how my life was meaningless without her... but I said nothing. I reached out to touch her, but she was just out of arm's length. Her smile slowly and she looked down at her boots. "Oh. I guess there's nothing." She turned and began walking back to the Stargate.

As she turned her back to me, I gasped. The back of her uniform was ripped and shredded, blood marring the material from her shoulders to her knees. The skin below was black and charred. I stepped forward. "Sam!"

She paused, keeping her back to me. Finally, she stepped through the Stargate and disappeared.

---

I woke with a scream trapped in my throat. This time, as I ran to the bathroom, there was no question as to why I was nauseated. I hugged the toilet, expunging everything I had eaten during the past week. When I finished, I pulled myself onto the side of the bathtub and hugged myself. I was wearing a pair of pajama pants and a tank top, so I simply threw my leg over the side of the tub and turned the water on. The cold spray hit me, soaking me through my thin clothing as I tried to wash the remnants of the dream away.

I got out, stripping out of my wet clothes and returning to bed nude. I crawled under the warm sheets, wrapping myself in them and resting my head on my cloud-like pillows. In the morning, everything would be fine. I wouldn't be sick, Sam would be fine, the SGC would be wonderful... and everything was going to be normal.

---

Later examination of the display on my CallerID informed me that I received the call at precisely 4:44. A superstitious friend of mine in college had once told me that she distrusted triplicate times like 2:22, 3:33, 5:55, etc. I was about to agree with her whole-heartedly. I rolled across my large bed, my mind numb as I reached blindly for the telephone beside my bed. There was no need to check to see who was calling; it could only be one place this early in the morning. I mumbled a greeting, then let my head fall back to the pillow as I waited for the caller to make their business known.

General Hammond's voice was crisp and to-the-point. "SG-1 is in trouble. We're expecting injuries, so I need you here as soon as possible."

As I dressed, I prayed that - for once - my dream of Samantha Carter wouldn't come true.

Chapter Six

At least one part of my dream wasn't coming true. The SGC was abuzz with activity. Apparently, SG-7 was also missing on an unrelated mission. A rescue team was being assembled, but Hammond was reluctant to send more troops out when so many of his officers were already in dire straits. I entered the infirmary and instantly transformed into my CMO persona. Heads snapped in my direction and I barked orders like an expert boot camp sergeant. The airmen and orderlies that were assigned to the infirmary immediately disappeared, following their orders.

Cassandra clutched my hand tightly, watching the flurry of motion surrounding her. I kept one hand firmly on her shoulder and the other was wrapped tightly around her hand. I led her directly through the maelstrom of the infirmary and finally made it to the sanctuary of my office. I led her to the couch, sitting her on the cushion. "Okay, honey... I've got to work now, but I'll come back and check up on you, okay? You just get some rest right here on the couch and when everything's settled down, we can go see what is being served for breakfast in the commissary, 'kay?"

She nodded. As I stood, she wrapped one hand around my forearm and drew me back down. I knelt in front of her once more and smiled, trying to hide my own fears. "What is it, baby?"

The girl bit her lip, then leaned forward and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Sam'll be okay."

I patted her on the back. "She sure will," I assured her, my heart breaking that she was still so dependant on the captain.

When Cassie pulled back, she put her hand on my cheek and said, "I don't like to see you sad. Just keep tellin' yourself she'll be all right." She smiled. "And when she gets back, we can all go to the zoo together."

"I would like that, Cassie. I'd like it a lot." I kissed her on the forehead and said, "I have to go now. They need me. I'll be back just as soon as I can."

She laid down, pulling a blanket over herself. I walked to the door, leaving the desk lamp on in case she woke up and was frightened by being in a strange place. As I was about to leave, I heard the girl whisper, "I love you."

I froze, turning and using the doorframe to steady myself. "I love you, too, kiddo. Now get some rest." I left the office and headed back to the insanity of the Med Center. Beds were prepared. Crash carts were full. I checked a First Aid kit, then slung it over my shoulder on the off-chance that someone came home while I was there. I grabbed the nearest doctor and said, "I'll be in the Command Center getting briefed."

The man nodded and went back to one of the patients that had appeared in the past day. I slipped out of the infirmary heading for the elevators. Sergeant Siler exited the car as I arrived, and I was alone for the trip to Level 28. I took the opportunity to compose myself and take a few deep breaths. Dreams seldom came true in real life, I assured myself. My dream had just been a result of nerves. I was nervous and anxious and stressed... The elevator doors slid open and I stepped out, heading up the few stairs and finding myself in the Control Center. I stared at the Stargate through the bulletproof glass, trying to picture all the times I had seen Sam and SG-1 return from impossible odds with nary a scratch. Despite my best efforts, all I could see was Sam's torn and bloodied form re-entering the event horizon.

Putting aside my doubts, I turned and headed for General Hammond's office.

---

General Hammond looked up as I entered his office, nodding towards the seat directly across from him. I nervously took the seat, placing the First Aid kit in my lap. He finished reading over some form, then handed it to his adjutant before looking at and addressing me. "Dr. Fraiser," he started, his tone somber. "I know how close you are with Captain Carter and all of the members of SG-1... especially now that Cassandra has become your charge."

I nodded. "Yes, Sir?"

He sighed. "This morning at approximately two am, a massive quake rocked P43-621. The MALP seems to report that the epicenter of the disturbance was within the temple being explored by SG-1. We're not sure if they triggered the response or if it was just a case of bad timing... either way, we've been completely cut off from them. I've been sending messages via the radio on the probe, but we haven't heard from them as of yet."

I swallowed. "Sir, does it seem plausible that SG-1 is alive?"

The general took a lengthy pause, then steepled his fingers. "I won't lie to you, Doctor. It looks pretty bad. But if I know Colonel O'Neill, he won't give up without a fight. If our scans show the tectonics of the planet to be stable, I'll authorize a rescue team. Until then--"

"Understood," I said, rising and adjusting my lab jacket. "If that's all, Sir, I'd like to begin treating some of the patients in the Med Center."

He nodded. "I'll let you know of any changes regarding SG-1's situation."

I smiled, then walked from the office. The elevator was empty once again. As I stared ahead at the blank, gray doors, my mind was racing. I pictured Sam, trapped below thousands of pounds of rubble, buried in the ancient structure with no way out. I could practically see the light from her lantern as it illuminated a wall of crushed rocks, wavering as the battery slowly died. In my mind's eye, her uniform was torn on the knees and elbows, her hair hanging limp in her face and blood marring her beautiful features.

As a doctor, I wanted to make sure she was in one piece, wanted to hold myself together so I was strong enough to examine her when she finally got home.

As a friend, I wanted to throw myself against the wall and sob like a baby.

I rubbed my eyes, trying to push aside all the personal feelings running through my mind. I had to be professional; if Sam came through that Stargate and - God forbid - she was injured, I wouldn't do her any good crying over her hospital bed. I had treated friends hundreds of times and even operated on a lover... my first female lover had come to me when she had appendicitis. I finally opened my eyes... and saw I was no longer alone in the elevator. I blinked at my companion, then whispered, "Sam?"

The captain was watching the numbers count