Title: Everybodyís Fool

Author: Catastrophe

Lyrics: Evanescence

Pairing: F/B reflections Faiths POV songfic

Rating: P.G Ė implied f/f  possible language

Spoilers/Disclaimers: None, least I donít think so. Faith and Buffy arenít mine, no matter how much I like to pretend they are, and this is my first fic so feedback is very much appreciated. Thanks to Joss etc etc for creating them, now Iím going to use and abuse (Iím joking) them!

Feedback: cat666999@hotmail.com

ďPerfect by nature,
Icons of self-indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that

Never was and never will be
Have you no shame donít you see me
You know youíve got every body fooled

The words rang out and hit me in the face like a brick.  I turned around to see who was singing, expecting to see a demon or something, I mean, my slayer tingles were going crazy.  But it was just this girl, Goth looking but kinda cool.  She looked straight through me as she kept singing, it was like she didnít even see me staring at her.

ďLook here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when youíre pretending
But now I know she

Never was and never will be
You donít know how youíve betrayed me
And somehow youíve got everybody fooled.

Was she singing about my thoughts or something?  It summed up me and Buffy to a T.  Built for pretty much one thing, slaying, protecting a world that isnít ready to know we even exist.  That sucked, not being able to show everyday people, unless of course I was saving their ass from a vamp or somthiní. 

ďWithout the mask where will you hide
Canít find yourself lost in your lie

I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I donít love you anymore

It never was and never will be
Youíre not real and you canít save me
Somehow now youíre everybodyís fool.

Was she ridiculing me?  I mean, Iíll take it from a vamp coz they donít know better Ďtil theyíre dust.  But her?  She knew me, and knew that I felt it, knew that I knew who and what she was singiní about.  But how the hell did she know me?  How did she know how I felt about Buffy?  Living lies that neither of us want to live anymore.  I wanna be free to do my thing, to do what I was built for.  But she. .. she always has this built in stop mechanism, whether itís to stop her or me I donít know.  I see it in her eyes that sheís like me, living for the kill, the surge of power when weíre done with the nasties.  But she stops us, me, enjoying the aftermath, trying to make me a better person Ė or something like that.

The last two lines bounce around in my head.  ďYouíre not real and you canít save me, Somehow now youíre everybodyís fool.Ē  What did that mean?  Was I supposed to save someone?  Had I missed something, or was my good friend Jack just making me look deeper into something that wasnít there?  It wasnít like Iíd been perfect all my life or anything, everyone knows my history, well the parts of it that are Ďusefulí anyway.  So Iíve been a bad girl here and there Ė hello, no direction given, what do they expect?

I donít seem to know anything anymore, just that for as long as Buffy wants me here, Iíll stay, even if being here hurts more than anything Iíve ever done.  Ever watched the person you love be with someone else and not done anything?  Hurts donít it!  I canít tell her, I choose not to tell her.  The life I chose years ago, before I was even called, isnít the life for her.  So whoís the fool now?  Me for loving and not being able to tell her how I feel?  Or her for not realising that she breaks my heart everyday?

ďYouíre not real and you canít save me
Somehow now youíre everybodyís fool.

Yep thatís me, everybodyís fool.

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