Title: Endlessly

Author's Name or Nick: DarkBard0

Fandom: Popular

Pairings: Brooke/Sam

Ratings: R

Feedback Email Address: ShalFoxB@hotmail.com

7:12am

Pounding. A slow but extremely sturdy pounding, throbbing incessantly throughout her head. That was the feeling that Sam began to wake up to. The pain began to thump intrusively through her slumber, yanking her away from her cosy dream and out into the reality of her life. She wasn’t even awake yet but certain things came rushing back to her immediately. Like the fact that she and Brooke were over. Sure, it hadn’t been said but it was obvious. The indecision, the pain and confusion, they were all sure signs. They were over, and they should never have begun.

The pounding within Sam’s head got a little harder with that thought, like it was responding to her, reminding her constantly that she’d behaved recklessly and now she had to do something about it. She’d make the decision for Brooke. Someone needed to do it, and considering that she’d decided to leave Harrison anyway, Sam thought it might as well be her. She’d carry the burden, whatever it took to make it easier for the blonde. She really didn’t want to see her suffering like last night again, so if that meant she had to take on the brunt of this pain, she would. It wasn’t heroic, she wasn’t being a martyr and she wasn’t trying to be strong. All she wanted to do was deliver her last memory to Brooke as being a good friend to her. That was how Sam wanted Brooke to remember her.

Waking up a little more, Sam began to register a few more things about her surroundings. She was at home, that much was a given. Rolled up in familiar sheets, with a familiar arm and leg draped around her. Harrison. At that thought, Sam cringed as she remembered what had happened last night. She hadn’t intended on letting that happen, not really. On the way home, she’d been firm with herself. Told herself over and over that she was going to tell Harrison exactly what had been going on, and exactly what she already knew. But, evidently she’d been weak. Again. The shower had just been the start of a very long night. The journalist didn’t even need to guess the state of their bedroom. The sheets would be everywhere, one maybe still lying on the floor. Objects would be scattered about, some broken. The place was a wreck. No doubt, there would still be spillages from when they’d decided that raiding the fridge would be a great idea. All sorts of food and drink had been included in their little games, and right now Sam really didn’t want to remember any of it. She really didn’t want to acknowledge what she’d done, but her mind and body were throbbing with the reality of it.

Dark, soulful chocolate eyes opened slowly, trying to let little bits of light in at a time. She really didn’t feel like adding to her headache with exposing her eyes to that god awful stinging pain you got when the light hit. And it was taking a moment for her vision to sharpen up, wake up from her heavy sleep and realise what the blurry images were around her. Harrison for one thing. He was still sleeping soundly next to her, completely knocked out by last night’s excursions. He looked rather content with himself, and she supposed there was no reason he shouldn’t have been. Harrison really was getting a great deal, even if she wasn’t supposed to think that.

"Oh…god…":

Wincing a little as the brunette felt her stomach churn pitifully, she began to move Harrison off of her gently. Sliding his arm away, she managed to unpin the top half of herself. Then, she began to pull her leg out from under his, but at the movement, he stirred. The nurse muttered in his sleep, quickly rolling over to the other side of the bed. She was free now, and she was thankful that she was because the churning in her stomach wasn’t stopping.

Without hesitation, Sam bolted towards the bathroom. Remembering to stop for a second and click the door shut and then locked, she continued. Cringing as she almost threw herself onto the cold tiles, she lurched over the toilet bowl in just enough time. A second later, she would’ve been sick over the floor. Now though, her head was firmly hung in the bowl and she didn’t try to resist as her stomach brought everything up painfully.

The journalist couldn’t help but think how low she felt. Tossing her cookies up now just proved to her how out of control she was. Things needed to stop. If she hadn’t already known that before, this was her severe wake up call. Someone who threw up out of disgust and guilt after sleeping with her fiancé was seriously in the wrong relationship, and seriously needed to get a grip. She’d never reacted like this before. Sleeping with Harrison had never seemed so wrong. Now though, her head was floating and everything in her was screaming at her. She had to stop this, before she ended up hurting everyone, and herself even more.

8:41am

‘‘Sam?"

Harrison’s voice sounded groggy and a little gruff as he called out of her. He’d woken up alone, wrapped up in the covers on her side of the bed. Suddenly, the urge to wake up and find her had outweighed the need to stay in bed and get some more sleep. Something had been persisting at him, telling him that he should go and find her, so that’s what he did.

Stumbling through into the kitchen, where he could smell the aroma of strong coffee, he rubbed a hand through his hair and itched his head. On his quest to find the brunette, Harrison had shoved some boxers on and left it at that. The house had warmed already to the warm morning sunshine that they were being graced with this summer. His head was still full of sleep, doughy brown eyes swirling with that morning look. The tips of his lips rounded into a small smirk as he saw the woman he was looking for. Sitting on one of the stools at the breakfast table, leaning on the counter and flicking through the newspaper. He’d found her like that many mornings. She always started her day off by examining the news and drinking a coffee so strong that Harrison had to wonder how it affected her health. Never-the-less, he drank it too. He’d gotten used to Sam’s taste in the bitter liquid. He watched her as she jolted slightly, as if she’d been taken by surprise at his appearance. He noticed how withdrawn she seemed, dark mournful eyes regarding him with disquiet and shame.

"Hey, what’s going on?"

The nurse wondered lightly, hesitating for a moment as he looked at her. For a second, Sam just looked like she’d frozen. Like time had stopped and she’d stopped along with it. He wondered if she was actually breathing or not, and the look she was giving him seemed odd to him. Eventually of course, she moved. Shook herself back into reality. As she did, Harrison felt himself move too. His feet padded against the kitchen tile as he plodded along to the coffee pot. He frowned as he saw it was empty, so instead turned to the fridge to pull out some juice.

"I…I think you’d better sit down. We need to talk. I erm…I did something wrong."

Sam confessed lightly, though the tone of her voice was light the meaning behind it seemed heavy. Harrison, still a little dazed from sleep, chuckled as he pulled out a glass to pour his juice into. Nodding in agreement as he began to turn around, he let himself lean onto the worktop behind him.

"Ya, not leaving me any coffee after you kept me up for so long, that’s considered a crime Sam!"

Sam sighed softly, letting her head droop a little as she ran a hand through her hair and held it there for a moment. Chocolate brown eyes stared at the breakfast counter and her tongue rolled over her lip absent-mindedly. How did she go about getting him to be serious about this? How about just blurting it out? She seemed to be excelling in that department. Just letting things roll from her mouth in one fell swoop. Why not do it to Harrison too, then her cycle would really be fantastically complete. Though really, she knew it wasn’t fair. And she wasn’t prepared to take the fallout for it. Harrison had his own skeletons in his own closet, so Sam decided that the clear honesty would have to appear in this conversation. She needed to sit him down and treat him like a friend.

"I’m serious Harrison. Please, sit down?"

Looking up at him again, she gave him a pleading expression. She watched as he frowned a little, wondering what this was all about. Then, he looked towards the clock on the wall. Sam was well aware that Harrison was planning on meeting some of his friends at the golf course, but she thought this was more important. She wasn’t about to put things off any further for a casual game of golf. Not after her reaction less than an hour ago. Not after accepting the truth of her situation.

Nodding silently, Harrison moved to sit at the other side of the breakfast counter. Slipping up onto a stool, he placed his glass onto the top and then leaned his elbows as he began to lean forwards. He couldn’t help but start to think what this was about. She said she’d done something wrong. Was it with work? Had she broken something? Had she had a fight with one of their friends? They were plausible, but not exactly the drama type situation to have a sit down talk about it. And as he thought that, the lanky brunette felt the pit of his stomach move warningly. It had to be something bigger.

"I don’t know where to start. You know I love you, I do but…Harrison I’m not in love with you. I don’t think I ever was really. Please, don’t say anything yet. I just need to get this out. You’ve been such a good friend to me. There was a time when I did think I was in love with you, and you did make me happy Harrison. That was real. It just…I guess it just wasn’t enough. And I’m sorry for that. Things were okay back then, but things change. We’ve changed.  We keep growing apart, and I think you know as well as I do that we were just made to be friends. I want that, I do. So I’m laying all my cards out here. I’m in love with someone else. Someone that I’ve been having an affair with."

Sam’s voice was unsteady at first, not sure at how to go about this. But as her words flowed, she became more confident. With every word spoken Sam felt like she was doing exactly the right thing. It was hard, finally letting go of the safety net. But she couldn’t help but feel somewhat liberated by the act. After all this time she was coming clean about things, saying what she truly felt and it was like being able to breathe easier. Like she’d been smothered before now. The journalist couldn’t help but think about what Brooke had said last night. That she felt like she’d fallen asleep in the bathtub and when she’d woken up the water was so high above her head. Like she’d become a stranger in her own life. Sam could relate to that. She’d felt the same for so long. Like something kept pulling her under the water, stopping her from reaching the surface. Well this was dissolving what was keeping her there, and she was coming up to the surface now.

"Oh my god…I…I don’t believe this. An affair? Who? Who’ve you been cheating on me with?"

Harrison’s tone had reached a harsh, disdainful level as he felt himself wake up now. He’d listened to her intently, listened to every word. As he had, Harrison felt his stomach move lower inside of him. She’d been having an affair. How hadn’t he spotted it before? How had he ignored every signal? Who was this guy she’d been seeing? He found himself so angry. So frustrated towards her for not saying any of this before. Why couldn’t she have just been honest with him earlier? Sam was always honest, and she demanded it from the people around her too. She hated it when people lied to her, so how could she turn around and do it to him?

"That doesn’t have anything to do with you Harrison."

Sam didn’t think she wanted to drop Brooke in it right now. If she told Harrison everything, then he might run off and tell George. She’d just have to see how he reacted to all of this. Challenge him with everything she knew when he challenged her. He wasn’t the kind of guy to go around snitching on his friends, so maybe he’d protect her and Brooke’s secret. Then again, why should he? She’d been cheating on him since day one of their relationship. Sam had to acknowledge that he had a right to be pissed off. Though half of her couldn’t help but go on the defensive. Her having an affair wasn’t exactly all the problem in this relationship. Far from it. They may have looked like the perfect couple on the outside, even to those close to them, but they weren’t. Of course, neither one of them had wanted to own up to that. Both had meandered along in the relationship in fear that they would hurt the other if they didn’t.  Sam meant it when she said that she loved Harrison, she didn’t want to see him hurt over this. Had felt an obligation to stay with him. Part of it had indeed been the need to have a safety net, but some of it had been obligation. It was Harrison after all.

"Oh I think it is Sam. You can’t just tell me that and get back on your mighty damn horse."

Sam was snapped back out of her brief thinking spree as Harrison snapped at her irritably. Looking up at him, she frowned to find him scowling at her angrily. The look was just pushing her back up against the wall even more. She couldn’t stand that he was looking at her so insinuating and wounded. All she was doing was calling it a day on a relationship that wasn’t working. Sure, her mistake may have been cheating on him, but he didn’t know anything about what she was feeling. He knew nothing of what had happened, nothing about her past with Brooke. He had no idea how Sam was drawn to her. At first it had been the arguments they’d had. Full of unrealised sexual tension. Looking back, Sam wondered how they’d missed it for so long. They’d been attracted to each other for so long, but they’d been too young to see it. Instead, they’d vented those feelings by bickering and arguing. The journalist couldn’t remember which one of them had stopped it now. Not really. It seemed to her like it had just happened. Like they’d just decided one moment in time to stop and try to get along. Maybe that’s when one or both of them had realised the attraction. That had to be true, because it had been her to blurt it out. Sam just scoffed at herself for that. Typical, she’d blurted stuff out then just like she still did. She guessed she hadn’t really changed.

Harrison didn’t know any of that. He’d been oblivious to that summers events. She and Brooke exploring new things together, just having the times of their lives. Sam remembered all the goofy stuff they’d done. Gone out on picnics and walks, gone to the beach and sneaking into films. It had been one great summer. No social groups to spy on them in school, no one to spread rumours or cast judgment. It had just been Sam and Brooke, going about things in their own way. Sam had experienced a lot of things for the first time that summer. Learnt a lot about the other girl. Seen past that perfect, cheerleader bravado. Perhaps she’d fallen then? Maybe she’d been in love with the delightful Brooke McQueen all her life. She really couldn’t remember when it had started. All she knew was, for that summer, she’d lived on cloud nine. And it had nearly killed her when that had come tumbling down. Evidently, living on cloud nine hadn’t been preparation enough to survive school. Like Sam had told Nate, the difference of opinions on far too many things had shattered their relationship. Both insecure about what they felt, who they were. Their social circles demanding that they were wrong for each other. Sam guessed that she’d been as much of a sheep as she’d believed Brooke to be. She’d hid within her own group. Cowering about what she was feeling and living up to what her position of underdog leader dictated to her. Just like Brooke lived up to her expectations as the most popular girl in school.

Sam wondered if she should explain all of this to Harrison. Wondered if he’d understand what she’d been through. Her whole life spent on an emotional roller coaster that had so many ups and downs it was barely believable. Because that’s what she’d felt like. The crash had been bad enough to wake her up to the reality that she shouldn’t care what anyone else thought or did. That nothing was more important than an actual life. Though evidently, it hadn’t been enough to get them to be completely honest. Sure, they’d put their differences aside and started back up again. Brooke had relied on her through recovery and after, and Sam had been happy to oblige. But why hadn’t they been scared enough to confront their real feelings? Speak the truth? Sam didn’t think she’d ever figure that out. She just put it down to fear and denial being strong emotions that were hard to battle against. But would Harrison understand that?

"Hey, I am not the only one with secrets here so don’t start getting pissy with me. I’m not proud of myself for lying okay? But you don’t know anything about what happened. You can colour me guilty or a complete bitch for what I’ve done, but don’t you dare pretend you’re any better. You’re just as at fault as I am."

Surprising herself a little as she yelled at Harrison, Sam stood up after feeling the sudden urge to move. Like sitting on that seat would be her complete undoing and she needed to get out of it immediately. Spinning around, she turned to face the other way from him. Screwing her eyes shut in an effort to calm down, the brunette ran her hands through her hair. Leaning forwards a little, she let her forehead rest upon one of the cupboards in front of her for a moment. Well, that had really shut him up. She hadn’t meant to say it like that. She guessed she really did excel in blurting things out. Her intention had been to broach the subject calmly and responsibly, but it had seemingly gone to hell when she’d gotten mad at him. The secrets were her secret weapon. The falling apart of a relationship that was doomed from the very start could be placed mostly on her shoulders, she knew that, but she had her mind set that she wouldn’t take absolutely all of it.

"You think I’m at fault here?"

Harrison demanded. The brunette grunted lightly, smirking for no apparent reason. This really wasn’t a time to be amused. It may have been the squeak to Harrison’s voice that did it. A cross between innocent and astonished. In his naïve little way, Harrison must’ve forgot that he was living with a journalist. A top journalist to be exact who was damn good at her job. Sam wasn’t stupid. Just because she acted like the unsuspecting girlfriend didn’t mean she was. And Harrison had never really been great at figuring her out. Not really. He thought he was, but mainly he figured out what she let him. It was part of her self-defence mechanisms, the ones that had been in place for as long as she could remember. Not as a little girl. No back then she’d been ultimately happy. Her Mother had been there, and her Dad had been there. Both making her as happy as any little girl could be. But when her Father had been snatched away from her life forever, Sam knew solid walls had sprung up inside of her. And they remained to this day.

Now, she felt like she was in a game of tag and truth or dare. Each one could tag the other with blame, and each one had a truth to spill out. It was ludicrous. Again she began to wonder how she’d let things get this far? How things had gotten so screwed up. Which they really had.

"Spare me Harrison, I’m not gunna buy into your bullshit little boy act."

Her warning was serious as she turned around again, this time folding her arms across her chest. She watched him stand defiantly too, looking down at her with outraged yet tolerant eyes. How someone could mix the two she wasn’t quite sure, but Harrison was doing it. That signalled to her that he understood what she was saying. Understood it but still felt the need to be angry. Still had to voice that he was angry.

"Excuse me but you’re the one admitting you’ve been having an affair…"

Harrison scoffed at her, pointing towards her accusingly. He stood up because he’d felt the need to be higher than her. For some reason he needed to be able to look down and not up. The obvious solution to that was to stand, because he was a good few inches taller than her. The only other thing that he could work out right now was that the perfect picture he’d been trying to create was falling apart. Like the colours were running in the rain, smudging their canvas. It wasn’t a nice thing to watch happen. Especially when you felt so out of control. And despite the fact Sam was right in saying that they were better off as friends, Harrison had felt like he’d been in control. Now she’d taken that away from him. She was taking his control and using it herself.

Scoffing loudly as she bounced on the spot, Sam flailed her arms in the air. Effectively, she cut Harrison off mid sentence in whatever he was about to scorn her for. The journalist felt herself begin to flush now, feeling the extra heat start to pump through her body. It was an evident signal that she was getting pissed off, and that hadn’t been her intention. Actually, she wasn’t sure what her intention had been other than being honest. She hadn’t planned anything after that because she simply had no way of telling how Harrison would react. She’d hoped that he’d take it somewhat better than this. She could grant that it wasn’t exactly the most pleasant thing to hear but, it wasn’t as if Harrison was the golden boy of the century either. He’d made his fair share of mistakes. He’d been going along in this relationship for the same reasons she had. So what really did he have to be mad at? Who gave him the right to take it out on her?

"Key word admitting. Don’t you dare blame me for our failure as a couple. How long is it since you’ve been cheating on me Harrison? I may have been doing it for longer but that doesn’t make you any less guilty here."

Harrison thought he just might have been sick right there. The last thing he’d been expecting was that. Sam really did have control here didn’t she? He’d been so unaware of her infidelity, but she seemed to be in full knowledge of his. He had to wonder how long she’d known for. And then he wondered how he’d expected to get it past her in the first place. She was right though, he couldn’t blame her for their failed relationship, it just wasn’t fair. He realised that as she yelled at him with a slight crack to her voice. Not because he’d cheated, but because he’d been about to blame her for everything. She expected more, and honestly, so did he. Harrison had to acknowledge that she was perfectly just in saying that they were only meant to be friends. He really had loved her. So much it had kept him awake at night. He’d dream about her when he managed to sleep, and when they’d gotten together he used to lay awake at night and stare at her sleeping next to him. Back then he’d been so happy and content. So excited that Sam was his girlfriend. He’d thought she was the most striking woman he’d ever seen, especially when she was sleeping. But sometimes, however much you love someone it just can’t work. Some people are never meant to be together, no matter how desperately they want to be. Maybe that was it for them? They confused the lines of their relationship and then played along as not to hurt the others feelings. Well it had led to this. A confrontation of secrets that they’d buried themselves in because of it.

Taking a breath in before slowly letting it out, Harrison’s features paled slightly as he lifted up a hand to run through his hair then over his face. Suddenly, he felt a little weak and vulnerable. Standing here, previously head locked with his long time friend in a pair of boxers. It didn’t do wonders for him. So, in an effort to calm down and give Sam the conversation she deserved, the nurse held up his hands in surrender. His effort to diffuse the charged situation worked to some extent, because he heard Sam take a breath as well. She took his role and stepped back towards her stool, slipping onto it silently before her chocolate eyes looked upon him again. She could see that he was sorry, and she could see he had a story behind his eyes too. They both did.

"When…when did you find out?"

The man opposite the journalist asked, barely above a whisper. Rolling her tongue across her lips, Sam thought back as she leaned forwards to prop her elbows onto the breakfast counter. When indeed had she learnt the truth about him? She supposed that it was just out of college, when he’d started at the hospital. He’d begun to act a little jumpy around her, and the actions had peaked her curiosity. Though, Sam had let it lie. That was until there had been a few calls placed to the house, she’d picked up and been hung up on. Then somebody had dropped a hint to her. The journalist hadn’t been able to let it go after that. It hadn’t taken her long to find out that Harrison had become somewhat involved with another nurse he worked with. She hadn’t really believed it at first. That Harrison John, of all people was cheating. Considering how hard he’d gone after her, she’d hardly believed he’d ever do that. He’d been the one convinced that they belonged together. He’d been the one to constantly hit on her, trying to charm her into believing him. And, well maybe he’d said it so much that she’d believed him. So she had indeed ended up with him. But upon finding out what he was doing, she realised that things couldn’t be perfect. At first she’d been outraged at him. How could he do this to her? After everything he’d done and said? Then her common sense had quickly kicked it, telling her she had no right to bitch. She’d been doing the same thing for longer, so she really couldn’t get that mad. So the journalist had let it go, just carrying on like everything was normal. For some reason, she’d convinced herself that if she broke up with him he’d be hurt beyond belief. When, she supposed that really, she’d been doing it so she could hide easier. Until now.

"A while after you started at the hospital. Together with being tipped off, not being stupid and the ever-lovely nurse Cara detesting my very being for no reason, I figured it out."

Harrison nodded mutely, granting Sam that kind of intelligence. He’d had to introduce her to Cara a few times, and the nurse hadn’t been particularly quiet in her disdain for the journalist. He’d hoped that Sam had been oblivious to it, but then again, Sam was hardly ever oblivious to anything. Even if she pretended that she was.

"How did we get like this?"

The nurse wondered quietly, and it had to be said regretfully. He hadn’t planned on any of this. If someone would have told him this was how his relationship would end with Sam when he was in high school, he’d have laughed in their face. As far as he’d been concerned, Sam was the one for him. She was the goddess of the universe, and no one else would possibly come close to making him as happy as she did. Now, they were both being made happy by other people. Had been stuck in a seemingly endless rut of a relationship. No, this was seriously not what Harrison had planned. And, even though Sam had implied her affair had been going longer, he didn’t think she had either. He didn’t know her story yet, maybe he wouldn’t. Looking at her, there seemed to be a heavy weight to her eyes. They weren’t sparkling with their usual enthusiasm. They were turning thoughtfully, and they had a deepness that he wasn’t sure he’d seen before. But what startled Harrison the most, was she seemed so sad.

"I don’t know. But I do know that I want to stay friends with you. You mean so much to me Harrison, and despite all this, you’ve been so good to me. Cara is so lucky to have you, I hope she knows that. But I’ll understand if you don’t want to."

Leaning across the table, Harrison smiled as he took Sam’s hand in his own. She took this as a sign that he did want to be friends, and smiled too. At least something in her day was looking brighter. She really wasn’t sure what she’d do without Harrison. He’d managed to pull her through some sticky situations. Been there for those times she’d wanted to cry about things that were going on. So no, she really didn’t want to lose Harrison through any of this.

"I want us to be friends too Sam. So, you can tell me, who is this guy?"

Harrison didn’t want to know through pride. Who she wanted more than him. None of that. He simply wanted to know if he approved of this guy. Sam deserved the best. And he must’ve been nice if she’d fallen for him. But then, why the sad look in her eyes? Was it someone she couldn’t have? Was it…no it couldn’t be one of their friends. Sam wouldn’t have an affair with George or Josh would she? She couldn’t. She loved Brooke and Lily far too much for that. Respected them far too much for that. Still, she’d managed to have an affair in the first place. Maybe she was capable of it? No, no way. Harrison positively refused to believe it. Mostly…well he would after she told him.

"It’s…it isn’t a guy Harrison."

The nurse had been so far in thought that her meek reply didn’t register for a moment or two. He just sat there, frowning at himself as he went through the line of suspects. As he wondered if Sam was seeing someone close to home. He seriously hoped that she wasn’t. Effectively it could split them all up. Sides would be taken, strong feelings would come out. It would be a mess. He didn’t think he could stand for his closest circles of friends to crack. He’d been with them for far too long and they all depended on one another. All trusted one another. It wouldn’t be fair for Sam to turn around and break it now. Would it? Could he really expect her to keep her feelings under control? He hadn’t been able to. They were only human after all. But it was one thing to cheat; it was another to cheat with a cheater. That’s what he thought anyway. Actually, the more he thought about it the more confused he got. He was actually trying to decide what kind of cheating was right. Well none of it was right. Not really. Was he just trying to make himself feel better?

Then the words hit him. ‘Isn’t a guy’. Harrison could have sworn they echoed around his head. Had he been in so much thought that he’d misheard her? Or had she actually said it? Was that the reason she’d been so defensive just a few moments ago about it? Had she been having an affair with a woman? He didn’t understand. She’d never ever displayed any kind of sign that she liked girls. Not in high school, not in college, not ever. How could somebody just swing gate like that? Did that mean she was a lesbian? Or bi sexual? He just didn’t understand.

"Look, Harrison. I wish I had all the answers I can see running through your head right now, but I don’t. I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean for any of this, for any of us to get hurt. But we did. I can’t do anything about that now. I’m leaving, going to see my Mom for a while then maybe going back to Bali. I just…I need some time. I love someone I can never have and I need to think about that, sort my head out. I have two letters here. One to Nate, and one to Brooke. Do you think you could make sure they get them?"

Deciding to cut her losses, Sam moved on her conversation. She’d noticed the time, and she’d seen how gob smacked Harrison looked. It may have been chickening out once again, but Sam thought the shorter this conversation was now the better. She had other people to say goodbye to, and she had Brooke to avoid. Hopefully, she wouldn’t call until after she was well on her way to her Mom’s. By then, she’d realise that Sam had made her decision. That she didn’t have to say it in person. And her letter would tell her that was perfectly okay, that the journalist understood. She just wanted her to be happy with George and have the life she deserved with no complication. Sam knew she was that complication, so she’d remove herself from the situation.

As for her job, she regretted having to give it up. She loved her job; the people she worked with and she loved Nate too. No doubt he’d be shocked and disappointed about this. Though, he must have known that there were only two endings to this screwed up fairy tale of theirs. Happiness or sadness. Well, she guessed it wasn’t as cut and dry as that. Someone was going to be made sad in the wake of the others happiness anyway. It just happened to fall upon her. She trusted in him enough to know that he’d understand her reasons for leaving. Understand why she was slipping away under Brooke’s radar. Because she had to do it. To stop the blonde’s pain and confusion once and for all. He’d know, as well as she did, that Sam could never be around again. If she were, she’d jeopardise Brooke and George’s marriage.

"Y-yeah…I can...er…I can do that. Sam, please tell me what’s going on here? Are you coming back? You’re going to avoid someone, I can tell. Who is it?"

Okay, so she’d under estimated Harrison’s power of observation. The man was a little quicker than she’d hoped he’d be. Though, she knew if she sat here and tried to explain everything, she’d never get out of the house. What she had inside of her would take a long time to explain, if she could define things anyway. She wasn’t so sure that she could. So, instead she smiled lightly as she began to stand up somberly.

"There’s a small package on its way. Inside is a letter for you too, the deeds for the house which I’ve signed over to you as well as what’s in it, and a couple of other things. But I need you to swear to me Harrison, that you will not tell anyone what’s in that letter. Promise me, on my life?"

Not knowing what else to do or say, Harrison nodded numbly. Sam had never acted like this before. She’d never been so precise at leaving. How long had she been planning this? What had happened to spur it on? He guessed he’d find out in his letter, but he wished he didn’t have to wait. He wanted to be there for her, but it was evident she was intent on leaving. He wasn’t too surprised that she’d left the house to him, Sam wasn’t particularly material. Also, something told him that she didn’t want to take too many reminders with her to wherever she was going. Like to actually take something would make the whole thing worse. She’d have to remember so much more.

Silently, he began to follow her out into the hall. He hadn’t noticed as he’d been walking down it earlier that there was a suitcase next to the door. A suitcase and a backpack. She really was ready to go. And if that wasn’t enough, the nurse heard a car pull up and honk at the end of the driveway. She’d even called a cab. All he could do right now was to watch her open the door, waving to the driver for a couple of minutes. Then, she turned back around towards him, licking her lip as she regarded him nervously. Dark, chocolate brown eyes glazed over with tears, and she didn’t even try to stop them from rolling down her cheeks. At the realisation that she was going Harrison felt himself welling up too. Because deep inside, he knew that Sam wasn’t planning on coming back. And if she did, it wouldn’t be for a hell of a long time. His heart broke at that; he didn’t want her to go.

"I love you so much Sam, you don’t have to do this."

At his shattered look, Sam moved forwards and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He didn’t understand now, but he would soon. Though she knew that Harrison was catching on the severity of this trip. Because it wasn’t a trip at all. Sam was leaving everything behind, changing her entire life, for a reason that wasn’t clear to him yet. But he still understood that she was going. She genuinely wished that he could be right. That she didn’t have to go. But she was doing the right thing. Someone needed to draw the line, so she was doing it.

"I love you too, I’ll call you when I’m home."

Not even responding to his other comment, Sam placed a hand on each side of his face and kissed him gently on the forehead. Then, she reached out her trembling hand to pick up her luggage. Glancing at him for a moment as she hesitated in the doorway, the brunette smiled with a bittersweet smirk then began to walk out down onto the drive. She willed herself not to look behind her, knowing that if she did she might not find the strength to get into the cab. She let the driver help her with her suitcase, then climbed into the back quickly. Ducking her head so she wasn’t tempted to look back, the journalist muttered the address of her next stop and she was on her way. Leaving a man she’d relied on for years. Leaving a man that may have held all of her shield from everything she had feared.

9:23am

"Do you think something’s wrong with them? Seriously wrong?"

Lily clutched her coffee mug fondly, as if bracing herself for a blow. She hadn’t wanted to ask, but the question just needed to come out. She’d spent the last twenty minutes listening to Carmen’s story about how Sam had ended up on her doorstep yesterday afternoon. Drunk and smoking in the afternoon, which never spelt anything good. Lily had frowned as she’d listened to Carmen’s details, listened to how Sam had said she felt lost. And like the police officer, she was confused about that. Had they overlooked something? Had they been bad friends and not seen something when they should have? Sam was one that you had to watch, in case her pride got in the way of owning up to something that was hurting her. Lily thought she was good at reading the brunette, but was now wondering if she’d slacked off to the point that she’d missed signals that something very big was wrong in her friend’s life.

"I don’t know. But considering the state she was in at my house, I think there might be."

Carmen responded glumly. She felt herself shudder lightly, remembering how much of a wreck Sam had been. It had to say that something was wrong, obviously. And those thoughts hadn’t left all night. She must have driven her partner crazy, although he seemed to be into trying to figure it out too. He’d met Sam on more than a few occasions, and the pair of them had gotten along like a house on fire. So it wasn’t as if she was a total stranger to him. So he’d let Carmen muse on it through their shift, both coming up with possible scenarios and problems that she could have hidden away.

No one had an answer though. They wouldn’t be able to know for sure until Sam explained herself. So far, Carmen hadn’t heard anything from Brooke or Sam. She’d decided to give the pair some privacy, hoping that Brooke could pry something out of her. The lawyer was good at that stuff with Sam. She’d spent so much time with her that she’d learned a lot of her tricks. Not that the others hadn’t, but Brooke just seemed to have that little bit more sway. Carmen had always thought it was because of what happened. When Sam had been there almost every second of the day for her recovery. They’d bonded in a way no one else had. No one was jealous of it, the complete opposite in fact. The group had been glad and relieved it had happened. After Brooke’s accident, even Mary Cherry had thrown down her sword. The group had become aware how short life could be. If that wasn’t proved with April Tuna’s almost demise, it had been with Brooke’s.

"What’re you two nattering about?"

Both women turned slightly, being drawn by Josh’s chirpy voice. He rounded the corner into the kitchen quickly and smiled warmly. He’d wondered if Carmen would still be here. She’d normally be gone by now. He was usually the one to let her in in the morning, but it had fallen upon Lily to do it these past couple of weeks when he’d been sick. He liked his morning chats with Carmen. When she’d come over for breakfast after a night shift. She’d alternate between the three houses, gladly accepting the rule they’d put into place. The rule that dictated that one of the houses was to serve her breakfast considering she’d been out patrolling the streets all night when they’d been sleeping. The fair-going officer didn’t object to that, and why would she? It was a great way to unwind, she got to catch up with her friends and she made no mess at her own house. Perfect!

"Sam, we think there’s something wrong with her and Harrison."

Lily answered him honestly. Moving to pour him some coffee, she didn’t notice the startled look he got upon hearing that. Okay, not startled but sort of shifty, like he knew something. His wife may not have seen it, but Carmen had. Josh was a very bad liar. He didn’t have what it took so Carmen knew that with enough probing she could get something out of him. Anything. If something was going on with their friends, they needed to know and pronto.

"Josh, do you know anything?"

Carmen asked immediately, going in for the kill. Lily turned around, a frown of wonder across her face at Carmen’s question. Why on earth would Josh know? Unless Harrison had been talking to him. Harrison wasn’t as stubborn as Sam; he perhaps would have said something. And if it was about the relationship, which probably would come under the tern ‘guy stuff’, then he could’ve been talking to Josh and George. Of course, why hadn’t they thought of that sooner?

"No…no of course not. Why would you ask me that? I…I know nothing."

Immediately beginning to feel like some kind of lab rat from the stares he was receiving, Josh began to feel uncomfortable. Suddenly, he wished he still had his fever so he could be in bed rather than be put under the scrutiny of the pair before him. He wanted to be honest, but he wanted to do the right thing for Brooke. Would telling Lily and Carmen go against some unspoken rule of ‘don’t tell anyone’, or would it perhaps help things? It was hard to know for sure. They had no idea that the thing wrong with Sam and Harrison was Brooke. How would they react to that? It wasn’t even his place to tell them, no that was up to Brooke or Sam. But keeping his mouth shut with these two on his case would be difficult. He’d just have to concentrate and watch out for their sneaky tactics.

"Okay, honey you’re a crappy liar. What do you know?"

Lily demanded, seeing straight through his squeaky voiced lie. Laughing nervously, Josh just shook his head as he reached for his coffee cup. Then, looking around quickly, he lifted up his head and pointed towards the door. Children, he had children. Great excuse to get out of here. Someone needed to go look after the kids. And that someone was about to become him. He knew perfectly well that they were in seeing distance of Lily already, but better safe than sorry right?

"I should…I hear Ellie and Anya bickering…then you know Jared is just going to get involved."

He knew he sounded lame, like he was trying to run for his life, but he was trying. Both Lily and Carmen looked through the arch towards the three kids playing happily together on their play mat in the front living room. Sceptically, they both raised their eyebrows. Eyebrows that were convinced he knew something. Lily went one step further by crossing her arms and frowning at her husband.

"Joshua Ford get your ass back here right now and tell us what you know."

She ordered firmly. It was time to get rough. She needed to know what was going on, and she needed to know now. Because knowing Sam and Harrison like she did, they were probably going through something ridiculously little, and they’d blown it out of proportion. So the sooner she knew, the sooner she and Carmen could bring the situation to some logical reasoning.

Groaning with a little stomp, Josh almost looked like a child himself. Lily certainly knew where the kids got it from anyway. That little look and that particular stomp, that was all the workings of Josh. And she could tell it was something significant that he knew now, because he really looked like he was torn between saying something or not saying something. Which obligation was he to pick? Wife or friend?

"Look, just let it be okay? What Brooke tells me isn’t to be spread around, I’m sure one of them will tell you in their own time."

Damnit, that wasn’t even a trick. He’d said that all by himself and now he couldn’t take that back. All he could do was stand in front of them, inwardly cursing himself as he bit his lip lightly and looked around wondering if the earth was going to open up anytime soon. How was it that he could be so profoundly stupid sometimes? Sure, he had a good job, a great wife, great kids and great friends. He’d lived up to be the man he’d struggled to be. But in some respects, he’d always be the jock Josh Ford. Always slipping and not getting something. He’d just landed his sister into hot water, not to mention Sam. They’d kill him.

Carmen sat up, scowling obviously. Brooke? What did this have to do with Brooke? She knew she’d taken Sam home last night, but how did Josh know that? How did Brooke know anything before she’d seen Sam at her house? Had she known something before? Had Sam said something to her, then Brooke had told Josh? It didn’t seem plausible. If Sam had confessed anything to Brooke, then she’d have also made her swear not to tell anyone. And the blonde simply wasn’t the type to go off and tell someone else straight after. So what the hell was going on?

"Tell us what? What’s going on Josh, we have a right to know. Are Brooke and Sam in trouble? What is it they have to tell us? I know you know, so don’t deny it."

Lily continued, her voice dropping low in her quest to find out the truth. Things had become so much heavier in the air, the seriousness touching each of them. She still gazed at Josh pointedly; trying to figure out that torn look he had smeared across his face. The answer was on the tip of his tongue, but his loyalty to Brooke was obviously stopping it from coming out. She dreaded to think what the pair could have gotten themselves into. Sam was always getting someone trying to go after her, maybe something had happened. Maybe Brooke had done something wrong in representing her? Maybe they’d covered something up? Who knew?

"Lily…I can’t…"

Josh shrugged, face changing to a pleading expression. He was pleading to be out of this situation. He couldn’t say anything, so why try and get it out of him. If they wanted the truth, they’d just have to go to the horse’s mouth. It wasn’t fair to put him on the spot like this. They knew it had something to do with Brooke now, so they obviously knew they could say anything because he couldn’t betray her. They all knew how close they were, and whatever got passed between them stayed between them. He held no secrets from Lily, but he had to draw the line somewhere on what he passed on to her.

"But I can."

All three of them looked towards the door to see Sam lingering in it. Not one of them had heard the light tap on the door when she’d arrived, so she’d cautiously let herself in hoping that they’d just been too busy with the kids to hear. Upon entering, Sam had looked around the hallway to find any trace of anyone. Silence had greeted her ears, and the hall had been empty. The journalist had ventured a little further, guessing that everyone was awake and up by now. Carmen’s car was still parked in the driveway, signaling that she’d ended up here for breakfast. Sam wondered what was keeping her here so late though. Normally by now Carmen would have left for home, turning in to get some sleep after her shift. Although, sometimes she would stay up for longer and just have a nap at lunch when she wasn’t working again the night after. Maybe she had the night off tonight, so she was hanging around with her friends for a little longer?

As Sam had progressed towards the kitchen, hoping to find everyone in there, she’d begun to hear the distant echoes of voices. They were definitely in there. Not only that, she could hear the kids playing in the front living room. Playing together completely unaware to what the world held around them. Completely unaware that one of their ‘aunts’ was leaving. Lily and Josh had appointed them all aunts and uncles of their children, and they were all godparents to one of the kids. Sam remembered when Lily had asked her to be Anya’s godparent with Harrison. She’d been delighted of course. Brooke and George had gotten Ellie, and Carmen had got Jared. They really were a little family. Sam had grown up with these people. Been through so much with them. Her life was so integrated into theirs that she knew she couldn’t possibly separated them. She felt the growing ache welling inside of her, knowing that she was leaving her family. They had no idea. She wasn’t doing this gradually, she was about to drop a bombshell on them and she didn’t think it was fair. But she had no choice now. She’d done all of this herself, so she had no one else to blame. They would try to stop her, she knew that much. But at the end of the day, she expected them to help her and give her the freedom to decide for herself. They wouldn’t like it, they might even react badly to it, but she had to go and part of her did expect her friends to back her up with that.

The journalist knew that at least one person understood a tiny proportion on what was going on, and that was Josh. Brooke had mentioned that she’d confessed to Josh that they’d been seeing each other. Only in a brief, nutshell sort of way, but he still knew. Apparently, he’d been okay. Not angry or upset with either of them, she hoped. He may not have been angry with Brooke, she was his sister. But what about her? Would Josh blame her for leading Brooke astray? Or would he be the man he’d become since high school and be willing to help her out? She hoped of that of course. At the moment she felt fragile enough without anyone going for her. She begrudged that George had that right, but hopefully he’d never find out about any of this. Brooke wouldn’t tell him, it would kill their relationship. Harrison wouldn’t tell him out of loyalty for her. Josh hadn’t told him so far, and she doubted he would out of respect to Brooke. So that left Lily and Carmen, and she seriously hoped they wouldn’t tell him either. There was no need after she left. She’d be gone, Harrison would be happy and Brooke would be happy. Why disturb those waters? It wouldn’t bring her back, and it would only cause George and Brooke pain and grief.

Her happiness didn’t matter at this point. Sam had mused that she wasn’t being a martyr, and she wasn’t. It just seemed like the logical and responsible choice to her. One person would be unhappy rather than three. That was a good thing to her. But it was damn hard. She was leaving behind everything she knew. Her friends, her job, her life and Brooke. Everything inside of her was beginning to throb painfully, making her head a little dizzy. She pushed it aside though, determined that she could do this. She felt the tug of doubt in her stomach, the scream in her mind telling her not to go. But she was stubborn, and she felt like this was something she had to do. If not for herself then for Brooke. That thought didn’t make anything easier. Neither were the stares she was receiving from her three surprised friends. Carmen and Lily looked beyond curious, and concerned. Josh looked a little more understanding. But they were all so expecting, looking at her as if she harboured some deep dark secret that she had to confess. She guessed she did, but she still wished they’d stop looking at her like that. Sam was already on the brink of tears; her chocolate fear filled eyes glazing up as she constantly shifted her footing nervously in the doorway. Her hands were trembling, as well as the rest of her, and she was biting her lip lightly to try and keep it under control. She was loosing her calm rapidly, and felt the tears slowly start to roll out. Looking away for a moment, Sam took a deep, quivering breath in and wiped at her tears. She told herself to keep it together, but things were getting on top of her and she couldn’t help it.

Looking back, she saw Josh moving towards her. She couldn’t help but frown a little, trying to read into his expression. People misjudged Josh as little too often. She’d been guilty of it a few times, but she always gave him the benefit of the doubt nowadays. He could be a little more observant than people expect it. Probably because he acted up to his reputation for not being too intelligent. He could duck under people’s radars and he used it to its full potential. That was a pretty smart thing to do, and it was something he was doing now. Sam gathered that from her state, and the fact she had a suitcase by her feet, that Josh was starting to realise what was going on. He was starting to see that somehow she had lost. The look on his face was one of sympathy and understanding, and when he came to stand in front of her she was glad that he knew. Letting him loop his arms around her, Sam fell into his embrace and buried herself into his shoulder. She could hear him whispering that things would be okay, could feel his hand stroking through her hair comfortingly. He was trying his best for her, and she appreciated it. It felt good to cry, it had been something she was desperately trying to keep hold of. Though, Sam knew she really wasn’t strong enough to keep it in. So she was glad for a comforting support like Josh, and she knew she could use that support when she had to come clean to the other two.

10:00am

Brooke sighed aimlessly for what must have been the millionth time. The morning had been torturously slow for her, and it had come off of the end of an even slower night. Nothing she did could take her mind off of what was happening. All she could think about was Sam. Then when she thought about Sam, she thought about George. And thinking about the pair of them then set off a cascade of questions tumbling into her mind like a herd of wild animals. It wasn’t fun. So that’s how she’d ended up here. She sat alone in the conservatory at the back of the house. Sitting by the window, in a big comfy armchair and enveloped in the morning sun. Her legs were pulled up against her chest, arms wrapped around them and her chin supporting her head by resting on her knees.

She would have enjoyed sitting there, enjoyed her time off if it weren’t for her thoughts. She kept chasing fears and doubts and other questions around her brain like a dog chasing its tail with no sign of stopping. It was driving her crazy, and however selfish she felt by thinking it, she just wished it would stop. Why did everything always have to be so complicated? Hadn’t she been given enough complications throughout her life? Life had been a little over harsh to her she thought. It had taken her Mother, given her an eating disorder, given her a mental head fuck that she’d barely managed to climb out of, the crash, her conflicting feelings for Sam and now it was worse than conflicting. What exactly was she supposed to do? How could she move the clouds and see behind them? It wasn’t for lack of trying, she was sure of it. She’d been trying so hard, pushing herself to work it out.

The lawyer sighed lightly again, blinking as she silently watched the birds fly out in the sky. How simple was there life? Just flying along, going to fetch food or materials for their nest. No big choices to make. No complications to put up with. It must have been nice. Or sedate. Brooke couldn’t help but think how boring her life would be without her complications. Because despite what she’d been through, and despite her indecision right now, they’d all contributed to the personality she had now. And Brooke considered herself to be a pretty nice person, to have a pretty good personality. Her character had been born out of what she’d been through. It made her who she was. Made her resilient to the other lawyers she was arguing law with, made her brave enough to stand for her convictions. Well, all convictions other than this. It made her be the friend that took a call at 3am and then drive through the pouring rain a half hour later just to be with an upset friend. It made her the responsible godparent and a good daughter. It gave her the thousands of different quirks she carried. So, what really would she be without any of it? Even though it was hard to go through.

In the background, Brooke could hear George pottering about the house. He was on a mission, looking for something or other. He’d asked her about a CD a few moments ago, but Brooke had hardly registered it. She had no idea where his CD was anyway. He’d put another one on though, one he’d found on the table next to the player. Brooke couldn’t help but feel some kind of familiarity from it. There was something about the music, the voice of the singer, that she knew. It wasn’t her CD though, she knew that much. And she didn’t think it was George’s either. One of their friends must have left it last week or something. Maybe she’d forgotten putting it on the table to remind her to ask about it. She just couldn’t remember. Her mind had bigger things to worry about than a CD. But still, something tugged at her. Wanted her to listen properly. Wanted her to pay attention because it was important. At this stage, Brooke was willing to do anything to help her. So, shaking her head a little she forced herself to come back into reality. Her ears readjusted to letting the music in, rather than tuning it out. At the moment, it was in between songs. But it wasn’t two seconds before an enchanting piece of music started. The floaty yet intoxicating lull of it pulled her in immediately, and her heart virtually threw itself into her throat. Her dream. This was the song from her dream, she was sure of it. The lull of it, the soft yet meaningful tune together with the haunting sound of the singers voice.

There's a part in me you'll never know
The only thing I'll never show

Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes

It's plain to see it's trying to speak
Cherished dreams forever asleep

Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes

Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
But the moment never comes

"Oh my god…"

Brooke couldn’t help but almost shout out. Upon hearing the song, she felt herself shift. She’d been right thinking that the song was from her dream. The reason she knew it was because it was Sam’s CD. Why hadn’t she figured that out before? Sam loved music, and she loved this band. An English band, Muse. Brooke even knew the song was called Endlessly. Actually, she even knew the names of the members of the band. Why? Because Sam had talked about them so much that she’d taken it all on board. Also, Sam had played her that song many a time. She’d told her it was their song. How could Brooke have not seen it before?

"What’s up?"

Looking up sharply after she’d lurched forwards in her chair, Brooke’s eyes set upon George. For a moment, she couldn’t fathom why he was there. During the song she’d completely forgotten her surroundings. She’d forgotten everything apart from Sam. All she could hear was the song, and all she could feel was love. She loved Sam. With everything she had. She loved her, and she always had. The clouds had been the fear. The anticipation that there was something wrong with that, but there wasn’t. Why should she be scared? Why couldn’t she have figured this out a lot sooner? The lawyer felt like a complete fool. Wading through half her life trying to hide from something so simple, so natural. She felt it everyday but she wouldn’t let herself register it. But she did now. She loved everything about Sam. Her stubborn streak, the way she laughed, her walk, the way she felt against her, those eyes, that mouth, her values, the way she was obsessed with grapes and green apples! Everything. Sam had a million and one habits and Brooke knew everyone. She knew how she thought, knew how her brain worked. She knew her stance in politics, knew her tastes in music, and knew whom she did or didn’t like. They were made for each other.

What she must have been thinking right now? Last night had been awful. She’d made herself so open and Brooke had shut her down harshly. For the second time no less. Knowing Sam, she’d have taken that as a sign that her love wasn’t reciprocated. She’d probably be sitting at home, thinking of a way to get out of it all without hurting anyone. Brooke wondered if she’d told Harrison. Wondered what he’d say. She had her own duty in that department to perform. She knew that it was time to tell George everything, and she couldn’t lie to him. It was going to hurt him so much, but the blonde knew she couldn’t stay with him. Not when the fog had lifted from her mind. She felt like she could breathe now. Like a huge weight had lifted off of her shoulders and she was above the water level now. Everything in her life that had been eluding her suddenly made sense. Sam didn’t make her feel like a stranger anymore. Sam made her feel as thought she knew herself. And the trigger for that had been a song. A song she’d treasure for the rest of her life. As far as she was concerned that song had just saved her.

"Huh? Oh…nothing. George, I think we need to talk."

Gaining her senses again, Brooke ran a hand through her hair and screwed her eyes shut for a moment. Her heart was thumping inside her chest with excitement and her body felt just as enthused. Everything inside of her was singing. She just wanted to run out of the house, into her car and drive straight over to Sam’s. All she wanted to do was see her right now, tell her that she felt the same way. But she couldn’t. She needed to get some kind of control over herself. Her head felt like it was about to explode, but she willed herself to calm down. Made herself begin to take what she had to do now seriously. Made herself realise that her whole life was about to change. This was it. There was no going back now that things had become so clear. No going back after she sat George down and told him what was going on.

"Are you pregnant?"

George sat down and asked his question expectantly. With raised eyebrows and butterflies in his stomach, he waited eagerly for the reply. He hadn’t really thought it over very well. Why Brooke would be sitting for most of the morning look like she was trying to solve the wrongs of the world if she was pregnant. Wouldn’t she just have screamed it through the house when she’d been in the bathroom? Not wonder if it was a good or bad thing. But that was how unprepared George was for this. The only thing he thought his wife needed to talk to him about was something like that in his mind. Not an affair, and not that she was about to leave him. For a good friend of his.

Brooke just tipped her head, her breath catching in her throat as she frowned. Pregnant? Why would he assume that she was pregnant? She knew he wanted kids, but they hadn’t been making a special effort for them. Brooke had always put off the conversation, put off the actual trying. Her reasons being that she just wanted to wait a year longer, that she just wanted to do this at work first. George had always been really good about it. He thought she had a little anxiety about becoming a Mother. Something he related to her own Mother. It really wasn’t too hard to see. He thought Brooke would make a wonderful Mom. She’d make sure her child knew how much she loved them everyday and never give them any reason to think she’d leave them. But they were also young enough to wait until Brooke felt she was ready for it. He wasn’t about to pressure her into anything so huge.

"No…no I’m not pregnant George."

She responded slowly. She felt the guilt setting in now. Creeping into her because he looked so happy, so content. She was about to shatter that illusion. How did she go about doing that? Just straight out tell him or tell him bit by bit? Which would hurt the less? Was there such a thing as hurting him less?

"I have to tell you something, and it’s going to be hard for you to hear. Please remember though, that this isn’t your fault. All you’ve ever done is love me and I appreciate that so much. But…George I’m not the girl you thought I was. I’m not the wife you think I am either. I’ve hidden things from you, from myself, for so long. But I can’t do that any more. I should respect you enough to tell you the truth, so that’s what I’m doing now. I…I’ve been having an affair. For a long while now, and I’m in love. I can’t deny that anymore, no matter how hard I try. I can’t live a lie anymore, and I can’t make you live it along with me either."

George thought for a moment. Sitting across from his wife, he was trying to decide whether she was serious or not. She looked serious, and she sounded serious, but something in George’s mind just wasn’t accepting it. Not for one second could she be saying this for real, right? Brooke wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t sneak around and lie to him like that. However, that’s what she was saying. So, didn’t that add up to the fact she had been. That she was right, she wasn’t the girl or the wife he’d thought she was. She couldn’t be, because he’d have never thought her capable of this. Sometime in the past, maybe. So had she really changed? Or was it some act to keep everybody off guard? Could she be that manipulative? Did their life together mean so little to her? That she could just trot off and sleep around with no regard to the fact she belonged to another. To betray him. Because that’s what she’d done. Betrayed him, betrayed their vows to each other and broken their marriage. How had she been able to do it? Both actually do it and lie about it? How had she been able to come back home at night and look him in the eye? Did she not feel guilty for the adultery she was committing? Did she not feel ashamed for it? There were so many questions that George knew he’d probably never get answered. He wasn’t even sure he knew where to start. Brooke was cheating on him. And now that she was admitting it, saying she was in love with someone else, it could only point to one thing. She was leaving him. His worst nightmare was coming true. She was leaving him.

"This is…I don’t…what do you mean? I don’t understand. What the hell is going on Brooke?"

Like his mind was trying to sort out the questions and the feelings spurting out all over the place, so was his mouth. He didn’t even realise he was talking until he’d finished. Hearing a stern, shocked voice that belonged to him. A hurt voice. He knew there was a heartbroken look looming over him too. The air in his chest had just been knocked out of him, and his heart was booming against him harshly. Tears began to glaze his dark eyes, as he flashed a burning gaze towards the woman he didn’t know anymore. How could she do this to him? Why hadn’t she talked to him? Why had she just given up? Did he mean anything to her at all? He seriously felt like he was about to die. Like Brooke had just taken the worlds sharpest knife, and started to carve out his insides. The more he began to realise what her confession meant, the more he felt his spirit start to break. He’d trusted her. He’d put all his faith, all his devotion into her and into them. Why hadn’t she done the same? What was wrong with him? What had he done? Had he done something to deserve this? The football player felt like he wanted to scream. Do something so grand that it would take all of the rising pain away from him. Why couldn’t this be a dream? Why couldn’t she just loved him and be happy with him? It wasn’t fair; he’d never done anything wrong. She’d already said that he’d always been there for her, so why had it been so easy for her to hurt him like this?

"I have to leave George. I have to tell Sam before she thinks it’s over…"

Brooke bit the bullet and told him what she was doing. Though, the bullet that she’d planned for only included telling him that she was leaving. She hadn’t meant to mention Sam’s name. She hadn’t even prepared him for the fact that she’d been seeing a girl. Another thing that would come as a blow to him. Especially considering that it was Sam. Someone he’d trusted for so long. The someone that seemed like the girl next door.

Brooke hadn’t been able to help it though. She was torn between where exactly she was supposed to be right now. Yes, she had to stop and spare the time to explain things to George. But her heart was telling her that time was running out for her and Sam. She didn’t know why exactly, but the nagging feeling wasn’t going away. Something was pulling her to make it to Sam as quickly as she could, or something bad was going to happen. Why did she feel like that? Like Sam wasn’t going to be accessible the longer she waited? It was an odd feeling, and it scared her. Scared her to think that the intoxicating journalist wouldn’t be hanging around for long. When Brooke was trying to hide away her real feelings throughout her life, Sam had somehow become one of the most important people in her life. The centre of her own little universe. The lawyer didn’t even want to think what it would be like to loseher. The closest thing she’d be able to describe it as in words, would be her heart would die. So yes, she did want to be going to see Sam right now. It made her feel a little guilty, considering that George was in clear, severe pain that she’d caused him. And now she’d just given him an extra kick in the stomach.

"Sam?"

George seethed, almost through clenched teeth. This was Sam’s fault? She’d done something to Brooke. Told her it was okay, or talked her into it or something. Sam was a journalist; she had a way with words. She could have subdued Brooke into all of this. Talked her into cheating. All those times when she’d pretended to be his friend. Laughing with him, joking with him. She’d sit and talk to him about football, come and see his games. Was that all part of the lie? Pretending to be into it for the sake of getting his wife into bed? One thing he knew for sure was that in the second that Brooke had said her name, his feelings for her had changed. She was no longer a good friend of his that he loved. He hated her. If he never saw Sam again it would be a day too soon. He’d never really hated anyone before, not even Nicole. Never to the extent of feeling it throughout his whole body, within every breath he took. It wasn’t a nice feeling, but it wasn’t under his control. How could he not feel it? She’d claimed so many things, acted and pretended and lied and sneaked around. All the while he’d trusted her like he’d trusted Brooke. He’d put his faith in her too. He’d actually given her his gratitude on how much of a good friend she’d been to Brooke. That’s what he’d thought she was. A good friend, but he’d been wrong. She was a liar.

Brooke looked hesitantly towards her husband. She’d never seen him look so angry before. Never seen that dangerous glint in his usually kind eyes. She had to grant him that she’d just smashed his world into tiny little pieces, but part of her couldn’t help but feel a little scared. She was all alone, in a house with no one on either side of them near enough to hear, with a well-built football player. She felt guilty for thinking that too, but she couldn’t help it. If George snapped, there’d be nothing she could do to stop him. The difference of size between them didn’t even bare thinking about, and it was starting to worry her. And she was worried about Sam too, because he looked awfully hatful towards her too. Deep down, she didn’t think that George was the type of man that would do anything to physically hurt either of them, especially her. But as she’d thought, she’d just shattered his world. Who knew what he was thinking now?

"George, I’m sorry…I am. Sam and I, we didn’t mean to hurt you. It just…we couldn’t control what we were feeling."

Indeed she was being honest; she and Sam had never meant to hurt him. Never meant to hurt anyone really. For a brief moment she wondered how Harrison had reacted. Wondered if it was anything like this. She wanted to know that Sam was okay. Had she even done it yet? She knew she would, it was just the way Sam was. She’d crossed a line she’d never be able to go back over now. Brooke had passed over that line too, that’s why she was risking telling George the truth. However scared she was, she still felt she owed him some kind of explanation. And she wanted him to know that it hadn’t been their intention to hurt him. Of course, she knew that she should have done things a hell of a lot differently. Knew there’d be a lot of regrets about her conduct, because the outcome had been George’s pain. If she’d just stopped and sorted out her feelings in school, or even at the start of college, this outcome would never have been inevitable. George could be with some other girl right now, Harrison too. They could’ve been happy with women that were really in love with them, and she and Sam could’ve had the same outcome, as she wanted them to have now.

Jumping slightly as George stood up quickly without warning, Brooke felt her heart leap into her throat. Deep green eyes watched him as he struggled with his emotions, obviously trying to keep something under control. All she could do was watch him as he shook his head and laughed bitterly, then flailed his hands out slightly.

"Don’t give me that crap Brooke! I don’t want to hear it. I trusted you. I love you, doesn’t that mean anything to you?"

He began to yell furiously. He’d reached his boiling point, and it was safe to say that he was beyond upset. Brooke couldn’t really blame him. She begrudged that she’d probably be just as furious if the roles were reversed. It wasn’t his fault any of this had happened. Unfortunately, George had been unlucky enough to get trapped in all of this. She couldn’t expect no fallout from him now that she was telling him the truth. He loved her with everything he was, she knew that, so she knew that it was going to be bad. She could hardly expect him to be happy for her and wish her luck.

Clearing her throat as she stood up too, just to make them level, the lawyer ran a hand through her hair slowly. She’d been uncomfortable sitting down when he’d been standing up, it gave him the superiority. As much as she could understand his outrage, she was still a little ancy at his behaviour. She was still scared of what he could do. So just to empower herself a little more, to make her feel a little more confident so she could continue to talk to him, she evened the playing field. Now though, she needed to search for something to say. The truth was, she should have been telling him the whole story. About how she and Sam had started seeing each other back home and at Kennedy. She should have told him that their arguments, including the night of the crash, had mainly been their misunderstandings and confusion towards one another and their sexuality. She should have been telling him, that the only thing she’d been thinking about lying on that road is how she just wanted Sam to know she was sorry for being petty. That all she could think about even in such a state was her. That all the year after that, she’d needed Sam more than anyone else. Then she should have been telling him that she’d continued to see Sam in college, when she’d been seeing him too. Should have told him that fear and well-practiced denial had pushed her real feelings down inside of her and she’d just continued in that haze for all these years. She should have told him about all the times she’d made up an excuse to be with Sam instead of him. Or how the other girl simply made her heart beat and her lungs work. But she couldn’t. She’d gutted him so much already, and if he weren’t broken yet he would be by that. And she was scared to tell him. He was reacting so strongly to this, never mind that.

"I never said it doesn’t mean anything to me George, it does. But I can’t love you back. I can’t help that. I am truly sorry for that I swear."

Deciding to respond exactly to what he’d said rather than backtrack the gruesome details he wouldn’t be able to take, Brooke became very cautious. She wanted him to see that she appreciated how much he loved her. Because she really did. George had been amazing, and if she wasn’t in love with Sam she didn’t think there’d be anyone else she’d choose to spend her life with. But she was in love with Sam. And it wasn’t her fault. It was her fault she’d let things progress this far, that she’d lied to him and lied to herself, but ultimately it wasn’t her fault for what she felt. No one could control their feelings. Things just didn’t work like that. You couldn’t pick and choose whom you fell for, it wasn’t possible. All she could do was accept that she loved the journalist, and be happy that she loved her in return. All she could do was be honest now, and be honest with Sam too.

"I want you to leave. Now. No, actually. I’ll leave."

Spinning on his feet, George stalked through into the main part of the house. He knew Brooke was following him, not really knowing what to say. What else could she say? Her words were just firing bombs into his hearts with direct hits. They were causing the maximum damage too. Maybe it wasn’t her fault, maybe it was. Either way, he was so mad at her. But he was so grief stricken by the loss of her. How was he going to cope? Brooke had always seemed to be the other half of him. She balanced him out, gave him reason and stability. What would he do without that? But at the same time, the other half didn’t want that from her any more. He had no idea how to feel. Whether to tell her that he never wanted to see her again, or beg for her to stay. So he did the only thing he could do right now. He decided to leave.

Grabbing his jacket from the back of one of the chairs, George continued to stride towards the door. Grabbing a set of key cars and making sure they were his, he didn’t even turn around to look at her. To look at her right now would have killed him. He already felt sick, alone. The one person he would have turned to in this state would have been her, but now she was the one causing him such misery. But then, he found himself stopping on the threshold of the door, leaning out of it slightly, and turning his head just a little so she’d be able to hear him.

"If…if you being with Sam is what it takes for you to love me back…I could…maybe we could…"

Brooke tilted her head, her heart dipping at the sheer weakness she could hear in his voice. Completely different from the one he’d used a minute ago. Her own eyes welled up at that. He loved her so much that he was willing to try and cope with that. She’d hurt him so much it was his last resort. But like she’d told him, she couldn’t pretend anymore. She couldn’t let this go on. It wasn’t fair to him, and he’d never be able to handle it.

"George…I’m sorry."

The lawyer whispered, wrapping her arms around herself as she felt the tears roll down her cheeks. Her ears picked up a sad sigh from him as he stepped forwards to walk out of the door until again he slowed down to a halt.

"So you’ve said. Take what you want Brooke, I don’t want any of it."

After that, he was out of the door. His last words ringing in her ears like a shotgun had just been fired next to her. She had the feeling that that was going to be the last time she’d see George. All their years of friendship and it had ended like this. A regret she’d carry forever. But she kept acknowledging that she couldn’t betray her own heart any more. And it was begging for Sam. She had to get a hold of herself quickly so that she could go to her. That nagging feeling was still pulling at her, nibbling away at her mind. She decided that acting fast was the best thing to do, but she needed to get showered and changed first. So, wiping at the tears falling from her eyes, Brooke turned around to face the now empty house. It was still alive with the presence of George. His coffee mug was still hot, the music was still playing and his smell was still lingering. She didn’t want this house either. If he didn’t want it, she guessed that she’d have to tell her lawyer to sell it. They could just split everything straight down the middle. For all she cared, he could take everything, he deserved as much. But she doubted he’d do that. She doubted he’d even come to the divorce proceedings. It wasn’t required, and staring across a table at one another as their lawyers sorted everything wasn’t something she wanted to do either. Maybe it wouldn’t work that way. Maybe they’d just let their lawyers do the talking and sign the papers without having to see one another. But she couldn’t think of that right now. She needed to get to Sam, and the faster the better.