Title: Neanderthal Day at Kennedy High

Author: Balticbard

Email: balticbard@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: Popular, and its characters belong to someone else, I don't remember who, whatever, big deal. No profit comes from this story; its a small gift to incredible people in popularslash; the fantasy world where the show is what it should have been in reality; well written.

ficlet where the impossible happens.

Spring had just arrived upon the once upon a time theme; you know that line.....a place that never was, but could have been, a time in that magical place that makes it perfect. That place exists somewhere in eternity, in a far away state called California where it never snows (hey, guys, Florida is just the same hah okay?), in a far-off empire called the United States.

In a magical bubble called Kennedy High, an odd place where the students were unusual to say the least, and the customs were indeed downright.....Twilight Zonelike......there were holidays that didn't exist anywhere else.

Kennedy High never celebrated Valentine's Day because it was too cheesy, too bland, too commercial, too sappy. The students of Kennedy High had grown up on tequila instead of milk, and caffeine instead of cough syrup, and nicotine instead of pot.....and regular street drugs like heroine, or LSD, or crack just really weren't used there, because the student population had eaten too much lead paint chips growing up, or had inhaled the delectable fumes of gasoline from passing trucks to really be a true part of the mainstream adolescent crowd that populated the rest of the country. There was no rap, or heavy metal at Kennedy High, because the students listened to whiney country music, because that was the perfect way to express suicidal depression, which was the norm for their personalities, so that motorcycle gangs avoided the school, thinking that the kids there were just too strange to mingle with. The kids didn't use body piercings or tatoos, but taking valium to achieve that attractive, absent quality in the eyes was the current rage, and  whipping your legs with a belt to get those gorgeous, pink, raw, whelp marks was definiteley a fashion statement. Of course the kids were fashion conscious, and well pink hair wasn't in really, or shaving part of it, or putting metal spikes in your head to show off; nope; the norm was to actually burn hair off the scalp, then measure what degree burn you had. Well.....

Kennedy High did indeed celebrate several holidays; okok, Christmas was acceptable, but no Thanksgiving day; they had Hogwash day, where everyone celebrated eating greasy, spicey pigfeet. But...ado....even Kennedy High had a day of....love....it was known as.....Neanderthal day.

On Neanderthal Day, the male population showed its deep affection for the female population in specific ways; the guys would throw rocks at the girls of their choice; the idea was to hit the girl on the head, and leave a very big lump, because the bigger the lump, the deeper the affection. On Neanderthal Day, the male population would pull the female population by the hair to show possible possesion, and if possible pull as much hair out of the girl's scalp to brand her.....maybe not pull.....at least set her hair on fire. On Neanderthal Day, the girls would gather at the cafeteria, to sit, and wait for the guys to come in, then carry them off.....to the woods in the back to be ravaged. That was considered the best sign that the man loved the woman; the woods, and a possible pregnancy three months later.

Oh well......

On Neanderthal Day, this year, a stunningly beautiful, voluptuos brunette named Samantha McPherson walked through the halls of the school trying to figure out why her current crush, Harrison hadn't even tried throwing a rock at her, "dufus, jerkass, nerd, creep, prick," Sam was thinking of perky, baby face Harrison, her best friend, and the object of her affections,"that bastard isn't even around.....he should have the largest rocks ready for my head already....." Samantha frowned when she saw Kennedy High's current, most popular couple walk by; Josh, and Brooke McQueen, "hah....they don't have to celebrate anything.....those two are so sappy, its sickening," Sam walked by the handsome couple without noticing that Brooke, a ravishing, tall, blond, lanky cheerleader was staring at her curvaceous body. Instead Sam saw her friends standing a bit further down the hall; Carmen, fat, queen of erotic Hindu dancing, who could move her flabby belly, and shake her cellulite enough to drive a man insane, already had six lumps in her hair, as she counted them prouldy, and Lily, little, pretty Latina had no lumps because she wanted Josh to notice her.

"Hi Carm, Lil," Sam exclaimed happily, "no lumps Lil?"

Lily began to cry miserably, and then simply turned, and ran off. Carmen sported her head to Sam, "six....all from Sugar Daddy," Carmen said proudly (Sugar Daddy was the oversized, obese, handsome Kennedy High wrestler that she loved), "so Sam.....no lumps yet either?"

"Harrison is either lazy, or late for school.....he promised to throw at least three rocks at my head," Sam replied.

"Oh....." Carm looked away.

Meanwhile, downt the hall, Brooke, beautiful, golden, regal, hazel-eyed, slightly tanned, tall, lanky, soft smiled, gentle hearted cheerleader looked at her handsome, tall, well coiffed boyfriend Josh, "uh.....Josh.....that's a nice rock you have there.....in fact those are what....four rocks in your hand?"

"All for you dear," Josh said sweetly.

"Can I borrow them, Joshiepoo?" Brooke actually pouted, batted her eyelashes, and made cow-eyes at her boyfriend, "please?"

"Sure, baby."

A happy, enthusiastic Brooke McQueen seized the rocks from her boyfriend's hand, then turned around, her hazel eyes falling upon the figure of a girl; Samantha. Brooke's heart leapt with desire, as her eyes wandered up, and down the brunette's hour-glass figure, her firm, nubile breasts, her long, curvaceous legs, her wild, dark mane of hair that swept down her back, and shoulders, "OH WOW!"

Carmen nearly screamed in horror, as she watched her dear friend, Samantha hit the floor, after FOUR, goodly sized rocks hit the girl's head in consecutive order; one, after another, pelting the brunette's head with deadly accuracy, with cruel force.

Samantha lay on the floor, on her stomach, and asked Carmen important questions; "were the rocks big enough to leave lumps?"

"Oh....yes....boulders really, Sam. You should develope brain damage, and lumps so big, your head will look like an alien experiment for a while."

"Good!" Sam said painfully, "is Harrison still standing around?"

"Um....Sam....it wasn't Harrison."



"Emory Dick?"


"Mr. Grant?"






"Who hit me then?"

"Um.....well.....Sam....uh......it was.....Brooke."

"Uhhhh....no way."

"She's smiling, and coming this way, Sam."

Samantha McPherson screamed, got up, and ran for her life, and in close pursuit of her came Brooke, running on her long, lanky legs with great speed, flashing by an amazed Carmen, "wow......Brooke should be a runner in the olympics."

Another practice on Neanderthal day was that the boys would tear off some article of clothing from the girls to show as trophies.

Sam, with four lumps in her head was hiding behind Carmen, and Lily in a dark hall somewhere after third period class, "okay, am I safe, guys?"

"Brooke is no where to be seen, Sammy," Carmen said reassuringly.

"Sam got FOUR LUMPS, and I didn't get any!" Lily exclaimed as she started to cry, and turned, thus running away, and leaving half of Sam exposed to the eyes of the passing students.

"Damn....Lily leaves, and now half of me is visible," Sam complained, "so Carm.....what's your latest abuse?"

"Sugar Daddy tore my silk blouse off me an hour ago," Carmen was smirking.

"Lucky girl," Samantha replied.

At that exact moment, Brooke walked down the hall with Nicole in tow, who had been hit repeatedly in the head with rocks by the undesirable Emory Dick, then had her shoes taken by him.

"I'm gonna kill Emory!" Nicole said in her regular bitch mode, "so Brooke, what is going on? What are you staring at?"

"My Sammy is hiding from me," Brooke said with a smile, "she's leaning over behind Carmen so that I won't see her. Oh....she has those tight jeans on again......oh.....what a firm, round, well-shaped butt she has," Brooke was dreamy eyed, drooling, and smiling goofily.

"Stop that, Brooke," Nicole exclaimed, "you're supposed to be straight!"

"Wait here a minute, okay Nic?"


Brooke didn't answer Nicole, for she was gone suddenly, leaving the blond Nicole speechless, "damn.....that girl is fast.....she should be a runner, not a cheerleader."

Carmen almost screamed in horror, as she watched her dear friend, Samantha suddenly seized by an invisible hand, then dragged into a dark corner, where tearing sounds of fabric were heard amid Sam's screams, and cry for help. Sam came out of the dark corner, disheveled, her pants held up by her trembling hands.


"Yeah, Sam?"

"I need to use your belt to hold my pants up....my zipper is broken.....someone stole my panties.....is Harrison nearby?"

"No.....it wasn't Harrison, Sam."






"Emory is chasing Nicole, Sam."



"Santa Clause?"


"Please don't say it, Carm.....please....."

"Brooke is dancing down the hall, Sam......she's waving your panties around....."

Meanwhile, not too far away, Nicole was in shock, "look.....Brooke.....I hate Samantha McPherson.....but even I wouldn't steal her underwear."

"Oh look, Nic."

"What now, Brooke?"

"My Sammy is heading for the Novak...." Brooke was smiling evily, as a hungry glare came into her eyes, "oh.....my.....she is so slow......I mean....she's nearly tripping over her jeans....."

"Oh I wonder why," Nicole said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"See you later, Nicole."

"Gotta go pee, Brookie?"

But Nicole spoke to empty air, as Brooke just whizzed away.

Carmen once more, nearly screamed in horror, as she watched her dear, stunningly beautiful friend, Samantha, suddenly get dragged into the Novak, then it sounded as if someone was locking the door from inside. Carmen just walked away, ignoring Sam's cries for help, amid an almost hysterical laughter that suspiciously sounded like......Brooke McQueen.

Another odd tradition on Neanderthal day, was for the boy to seize the girl of his affections, take her somewhere dark, trap her, then fondle.....I mean.....abuse her breasts to show ownership.

One hour later, Carmen, Lily, and a distraught, confused Samantha sat in the cafeteria. Carmen was smiling, and boasting about her Sugar Daddy, "oh....what a man! He has such a mouth.....almost bit off my nipples," Carmen quikly displayed her mammaries to both Samantha, and to Lily, who sat silently crying.

Finally, Lily couldn't sit still, or silent anymore, "NOBODY LIKES MY NIPPLES!" the girl cried, as she ran out of the cafeteria.

"So....Sam.....you didn't see your attacker?"

"I was hit over the head, Carm......but look at my shirt......I'm using safety pins to keep it buttoned......my breasts are swollen.....it looks like my nipples erupted......damn.....do you think maybe......Harrison.....?"

"No," Carm replied.

"Maybe Krupps is a child molester?"


"Emory gave up on Nicole, Carm?"


"Mike is cheating on my mom?"


"Glass decided to show her male side?"


"Maybe Josh decided to exchange Brooke for me?"


"Oy......don't say it, Carm.....please don't......"

"It seems Brooke exchanged Josh for you. They broke up. I saw Brooke coming out of the Novak a while after you got sucked in there."

"I just want to die."


"Yeah, Carm?"

"Remember that one of the traditions on Neanderthal day, is for the guy to grab the girl by the hair, take her somewhere private, French kiss her, then get a lock of her hair to show as proof?"


Meanwhile, over at the popular table, Nicole, Mary Cherry, and Brooke sat, talking, eating.....well, Brooke wasn't eating.....she was staring at Sam.

"Stop that, Brookie," Nicole almost shouted, and then glared at Emory who was sitting close by, "stop staring at McPherson."

"Yeah.....uh....Brooookeyie.....doncha go jus lookin at deah gurl.....cause deah ahre sou many gahwys tah look ait," Mary Cherry was intelligible.

"Oh....." Brooke said dreamily, "MY Sammy has such......long......thick......wild......silky hair......and she smells so good.....oh......" Brooke just simply got aroused, then wet her khaki shorts, "oh....."

"You've been all over her all day!" Nicole chided her friend.

"Oh.....look, Nic.....that table where my Sammy is sitting at.....its at a perfect angle; in the corner even.....oh....."

"What are you planning, Brooke?"

"I can't eat, Nic," Brooke was lovesick, as she sighed, then got up, and left, "see you later, Nicky."

"She should be a runner," Nicole said, as Brooke sped towards the other side of the cafeteria, towards......her Sammy.

Meanwhile, at the table where Samantha McPherson sat with Carmen.....

"So.....Carm....what were you saying before about hair?"

"Uh.....nothing really, Sam," Carmen said, as she got up from the table, stepping back a good few feet, as she saw Brooke approaching the two of them from behind.

"Gosh.....Carm.....what's wrong? You look like you're seeing a ghost."

Carmen almost screamed in horror, as she watched amid a stupor, as her dear friend, Samantha was literally dragged under the table by unseen hands, as she cried out for help.

Neanderthal day at Kennedy High was almost over, and all the girls were assembled at the cafeteria, waiting as was the tradition, for the boys to come through the door to claim one of them, take her into the woods at the back of the school to ravish her....literally it was called sex a la pagan style.

One hour later, almost at the end of the schoolday, Samantha, Carmen, and Lily were all sitting in the cafeteria waiting for some guy to come, take them out back, and pop their.....cherries....or climb their mountain?

"Oh.....Carm," Sam was feeling tired, "so how did it go for you?"

"WOW!" Carmen exclaimed, "Sugar Daddy grabbed me, pulled me into a closet, gave me a vacuum cleaner kiss that nearly sucked my teeth out of my mouth, then he grabbed my hair," Carmen happily showed the two girls her now noticeable bald spot.

Poor Lily stood up, in tears, "NOBODY LIKES ME! NOBODY THREW ROCKS AT ME! NOBODY SUCKED MY NIPPLES! NOBODY LIKES MY HAIR.....AND I WASHED IT JUST FOR TODAY!" Then, Lily ran out of the cafeteria in tears.

"So.....how do you feel, Sam?"

"Devastated, Carm."

"What do you mean, Sammy?"

"Oh.....well....I was dragged under a table.....by some unseen force which then proceeded to throw me on my back, and attack my mouth......I must've swallowed ten pounds of saliva.....my lips are so swollen it looks like they were pumped with air......somebody was on top of me, grinding, getting their rocks off.....my boobs got tweaked again..... somebody cut off a lock of my hair, and I have the strangest looking stain on my pants....on my thigh to be exact."


"What does it look like, Carm?" Sam was showing her friend the odd stain on her pantleg, "Josh's semen maybe?" Sam was very hopeful of that.


"Glass is really a guy?"


"Emory Dick mistook me for Nicole."


"Harrison finally showed up?"


"PLEASE, Carm.....don't say it!"

"That's not semen, Sam......that's girlcum......Brooke's........"


"Oh....look, Sam....Harrison showed up.....he's sitting here in the cafeteria.....oh no.....wait....."


"Harrison is gay......he's waiting to get raped by a guy!"

Finally, the guys started coming into the cafeteria, and started grabbing girls; Mary Cherry, Nicole, Harrison, and Carmen got grabbed, and dragged out to the back right away. Sam looked around hopefully, and spotted Josh coming towards her with a big, feral smile on his lips. Samantha was trembling, smiling blushing, then disappointed, because someone had tripped Josh, and had slipped by him, thus beating him, and everyone else to Sam.

"OoOOooooohhhhhh.......SSSsssaaaaaaaaammmmmmyyyyyyyyyy!" a female voice exclaimed.

Brooke McQueen, lovesick, and aroused, had literally grabbed Samantha McPherson by the hair, then embraced her, and was literally kissing her to death.

"OH NO....RAPE.....HELP.......!"

Carmen almost screamed in utter horror, as she lay on her back, with Sugar Daddy on top of her, as she watched her dear friend, Samantha, being dragged by Brooke into the bushes nearby, while the voluptuous brunette cried out the word "rape" over, and over, and the blond cheerleader cooed, growled, moaned, and screamed Sam's name in utter bliss, and ecstacy.

Three months later, Carmen, Sam, Lily, Harrison......and.....Brooke sat in the cafeteria together. Carmen was ecstatic; she was engaged to Sugar Daddy. Harrison was ecstatic; he was now dating Josh. Lily was simply furious, because no one had ravished her, "NOBODY LIKES ME!" so that she started crying, and ran out of the cafeteria. Brooke was simply giddy, because now Sam was her girlfriend, they were going steady.

"So....Brooke.....how are you, and Sam doing?"

"We are so happy......my Sammy is the most beautiful, sexy......"

"Oh....um.....Brooke?" Sam asked, interrupting her blond cheerleader, "guess what?"


"Well, Brooke.....um.....I'm pregnant."

"So am I!" Harrison exclaimed proudly, thus making Josh faint suddenly.

"Wow!" Carm almost screamed, "how?"

"I'm really a girl," Harrison exclaimed.

"That sounds normal," Carm said with relief, "but what about you, Sam? Brooke is a girl!"

Brooke was so overjoyed, that she got up, and pulled Sam along with her, "we have to go suddenly, guys.....um....I'm sorta.....horny......and just so happy with my Sammy's pregnancy......."

"Come on, you two!" Carmen yelled, "explain!"

"Can you spell "hermaphrodite.....intersex......transexual?" Sam asked as she was pulled away.

"Oh," Carmen said quietly, "so.....no more Neanderthal days for........"

"My Sammy!" Brooke exclaimed, as she, and Sam left the cafeteria.


Lily finally found someone; but she couldn't understand them......Mary Cherry is making an effort to learn the English language.


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